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If anything can go wrong, it will.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Evertyhing takes longer than you think.
Smile... tomorrow will be worse.
Doing it the hard way is always easier.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
The person who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone they can blame it on.
To insure immediate need of a carton from the shelf, put something very large and very heavy in front of it.
Don't let your superiors know you're better than they are.
The truth shall get you fired.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane of traffic.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
If you can distinguish between good advice and bad advice, then you don't need advice.
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you do when things go wrong.
The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction.
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
A knife too dull to cut anything else can always cut your finger.
After your hands have become coated with grease, (or something messy/gross) your nose will begin to itch
Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
The length of a minute depends which side of the bathroom door you are on.
If a man says to you "It's not the not the money, it's the principle of the thing," I lay you 6 to 1 it's the money.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of the thing you are doing.
Things will get worse before they will get better...who said things would get better?
Bad weather reports are right more often than good ones.
If it jams--force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
The first place to look for something is the last place you expect to find it.
The driver's side windshield wiper always streaks and wears out first.
It is impossible to make anything fool-proof because fools are so ingenious.
As soon as you switch to the carpool lane, the other lanes of traffic speed up.
The worse the haircut, the slower it grows out.
Phone messages: If you have a pen, there's no paper. If you have paper, there's no pen. If you have both,
theres' no message.
Murphy's Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rule.
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Corporate Planning: Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything.
A bank is a place that lends you an umbrella in good weather and takes it back when it starts to rain.
When the world cures one problem, it usually turns into another, worse than the first.
Progress is the exchange of one problem for another.
Being punctual only means your mistake will be made on time.
Corporations: Any action for which there is no logical explanation will be deemed "company policy."
Whatever plan you make, there is a hidden difficulty somewhere.
A surprise monetary windfall will be accompanied by an unexpected expense of the same amount.
The one emergency you are fully prepared to meet never occurs.
When taking something apart to fix a minor malfunction, you will cause a major malfunction.
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible.
No matter how early you arrive, someone else is in line first.
The effort of catching a falling object will cause more destruction than if the object had been allowed to fall in the first place.
The most expensive component is the one that breaks.
If you know something can go wrong, and take due precaution to prevent it, something else will go wrong.
Nobody can leave well enough alone.
It's always after you shovel out your driveway that the snowplow comes through and fills it in.
Whatever you build will cost more than you figured on.
Job security is not letting management know you're around.
It's only when you program personal data into your office computer that your boss walks by.
Confusion starts when you make something perfectly clear.
The phone call you're waiting for comes the minute you're out the door.
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Computers are unreliable, but people are even more unreliable.
If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
To make an enemy, do someone a favor.
The hidden flaw never remain hidden.
When working on a project, if you put away a tool you are certain you are finished with, you will need it instantly.
If you wait for a repairman, you'll wait all day. If you go out for five minutes, they'll arrive and leave while you're gone.
Most of your best camera shots are generally attempted through the lens cap.
In any series of calculations, errors tend to occur at the opposite end from which you began checking.
A carelessly planned computer project takes three times longer to complete than expected. A carefully planned project takes only twice as long.
Never test a computer program for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.
At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
If you put a spoonful of wine in a barrel full of sewage, you get sewage. If you put a spoonful of sewage in a barrel full of wine, you get sewage.
Nothing is ever done for the right reasons.
Adding manpower to a late computer software project makes it later.
Urgency varies inversely with importance.
The overwhelming prerequisite for the greatness of an artist is that artist's death.
There is no job so simple it cannot be done wrong.
The fewer functions any device is required to perform, the more perfectly it can perform those functions.
Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
Pennies from heaven are soon followed by a tax collector from hell.
People who are resistant to change cannot resist change for the worst.
The degree to which you overreact to information will be in inverse proportion to its accuracy.
There is nothing more respectable than an ancient evil.
If you're wondering if you have enough money to take the family out to eat tonight, you don't.
The number of rational hypotheses that can explain any given phenomenon is infinite.
If you have watched a TV series only once, and you tune in again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
Those who live closest arrive latest.
The best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is the ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area.
The component of any circuit which has the shortest service life will be placed in the least accessible location.
Only errors exist.
All rush jobs are due the same day.
The chances of anybody doing anything are inversely proportional to the number of other people who are in a position to do it instead.
In any bureaucracy, paperwork increases as you spend more time reporting on the less and less you are doing.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Everything depends.
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get any worse.
When packing for a vacation, take half as much clothing and twice as much money.
No matter how large the work space, if two projects must be done at the same time they will require the use of the same part of the work space.
Every great idea has a disadvantage equal to or exceeding the greatness of the idea.
On the freeway, the car behind you wants to go 10 miles per hour faster.
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
Pocket calculators batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final.
Never create a problem to which you do not have the answer. Create problems for which only you have the answer.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
You can't fix it if it ain't broke.
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
History doesn't repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
Society is a mule, not a car... if pressed too hard, it will kick and throw off its rider.
Fancy gizmos don't work.
No one is so dignified that a public relations photo cannot make him or her look foolish.
When a problem goes away, the people working to solve it do not.
Hindsight is an exact science.
When it gets to be your turn, they change the rules.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.
When the government bureau's remedies do not match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
There's no time like the present for postponing what you don't want to do.
A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes.
A car and a truck approaching each other on an otherwise deserted road will meet at the narrow bridge.
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
Trust everyone, but cut the cards.
The speaker with the most monotonous voice speaks after the big meal.
Copying machines mangle only important documents.
If a machine goes wild and runs off 180 copies, it will do so only when you are copying a personal letter.
Wind velocity increases proportionately with the time you spend fixing your hair.
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Procedures devised to implement the purpose won't quite work.
If it says "one size fits all" it doesn't fit anybody.
In a social situation, that which is most difficult to do is usually the right thing to do.
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Junk mail never quits.
Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
When we try to pick out anything by itself we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away. If you throw anything away, you will need it as soon as you do.
You will save yourself a lot of needless worry if you don't burn your bridges until you come to them.
It's not the days in your life that count, it's the life in your days that counts.
If you like it, they don't have it in your size.
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
In any given set of circumstances, the proper course of action is determined by subsequent events.
You can observe a lot just by watching.
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types and those who don't.
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.
Confusion not only reigns, it pours.
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
A document discarded as worthless will become vital shortly after the trash is collected.
The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is compromising.
"Unbreakable" means it breaks in a way you never expected.
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