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TO:
ALL EMPLOYEES
FR: MANAGEMENT
SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
In
order to assure the highest levels of quality work
and productivity from employees, it will be our
policy to keep all employees well trained through
our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.).
We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than
anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive
your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your
manager. You will be immediately placed at the top
of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are
especially skilled at seeing that you get all the
S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be
placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs
(D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to
take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to
Employee Attitude Training for (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).
Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were
promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore,
and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested
in a job training others. We can add your name to
our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L.
S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.
will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for
promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P.
S.H.I.T.).
If you have further questions, please direct them to
our Head of Training for Special High Intensity
Training
(H.O.T.
S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
Boss
In General, Special High Intensity Training
(B.I.G.
S.H.I.T.)
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