Two
words: missile swarms.
Luke
would do a lot more screaming.
All
the important stuff, like Ben's death, would be
repeated three times.
Vader
would be at least eight feet tall.
X-wings
and Y-wings would transform, and then combine to
form a more powerful craft.
The
Death Star's super laser would have an even flashier
charge-up sequence.
The
destruction of Alderaan would be preceded by idyllic
ground-side sequences. Then everyone looks up, and
BOOOOM. (cf Hiroshima)
When
Luke lines up on the exhaust port, he hears Ben's
voice. Everything freezes, tight clasp on one of
Luke's eyes as the background goes black.
"Luke. Trust your feelings."
Yoda
would look much like Happosai.
Fans
would draw pictures of a naked Luke and Leia
embracing *after* their parentage was revealed. In
fact, it might not be revealed until after they'd
slept together (cue the angst).
Jabba
the Inju would get a lot more, um, friendly with
Slave Girl Leia. (FAN SERVICE!)
The
Emperor would be even taller than Vader.
The
Ewoks would be even cuter. (Eeeeeee...)
Lando
and the Falcon would be destroyed, probably
accompanied by a flashback with lots of cherry
blossoms.
Han
Solo, being the epitome of American Power, would be
blond, carry around a HUGE gun, and scare small
children.
Alternately,
Han would wear an eye patch and cape. (and the
Millennium Falcon would have a poop deck...)
The
Mon Calimari would have ships that heavily resembled
units from the various Darius games. (Giant
mechanical FISH!)
Luke
would have black hair, and be a lot more negative.
Light
sabers would be replaced by katanas or Chinese
long-swords that would glow so you could see which
was flashing against the black background. The
swords would have to be metal, so that injuries
could be emphasized with gushing blood.
Chewbacca
would have horns, although he might otherwise
resemble an upright Mugi.
The
Emperor would have tall spiky hair and little bits
of things would float upward in slow-mo when he zaps
Luke.
Lightsaber
scenes wouldn't be 9 (counted!) per 6-hour trilogy,
but per half-hour episode.
The
AT-AT would have claws. BIG ones.
Vader
would still be Luke's father, but we would have
known about it waaaaay before Luke did.
Luke's
uncle and aunt would really be alive!
The
sand crawler would have flown.
We'd
see the Sarlac's full body.
Leia
wouldn't have a band of surgical tape constraining
her generously sized breasts in all three movies
except for the Metal Bikini scene.
For
that matter, Leia wouldn't have been wearing a Metal
Bikini, either.
The
Rancor wouldn't have had a big bold black outline,
but it would have drooled MUCH more.
The
AT-ST would have been either arm less and rounded or
armed and squared off, not arm less and squared.
Imperial
pilots would have been cloned from the very
beginning.
Every
time Vader tells some fool that he's underestimating
the power of the Dark Side, the bystanders would
mutter "Sugee!"
The
music and soundtrack would be much worse and less
orchestrated, but have singable lyrics.
Greedo
wouldn't have been the only one with blue hair.
There
wouldn't be Imperial-class Star Destroyers.
Super-class Destroyers would be the *very bare
minimum*.
The
sound of the Force would have been "DONNNNG!"
(a la Akira) instead of "WhwhWhwhWhwhWhwho..."
Three
words: Super Deformed Stormtroopers.
Princess
Leia would wear a sailor suit...and she would sing.
Vader
wouldn't have to squeeze air to kill a guy with the
force. He would just touch him and tell him
"You are already dead," followed by
gratuitously vile explosions.
Luke's
aunt and uncle would run a dojo instead of a farm.
The
Millennium Falcon would sport a big skull and
crossbones.
Luke
wouldn't have to use a rope to jump across a trench.
Anime heroes can jump as far as they want to.
Emperor
Palpatine would have a daughter. In an amusing
mix-up, Luke would be betrothed to her.
Bandai
would make kick-ass toys.
R2-D2
would be cuter...and he would fly.
The
explosion of the Death Star would be shown with a
sequence of watercolor paintings.
C-3PO
would be a girl robot...with the hots for Luke.
People
would actually drink beer in the cantina.
Luke
would not build his own lightsaber. He would have to
win it from a demoness who has been imprisoned for
thousands of years... and who has the hots for Luke.
Obi
Wan Kenobi wouldn't disappear when Vader cuts him
down, he'd get sliced in half. It would just take
him a couple of seconds to figure it out.
There
would be a LOT more walkers.
X-wings
would have cool heads-up displays.
Emperor
Palpatine's legs and lower torso would dissolve into
a mass of cables and merge with the new Death Star.
Did
I mention Princess Leia's sporty yet feminine
powered armor?
Speeder
bikes would be replaced by monster-sized racing
cycles...with lasers.
Boba
Fett would have a bigger part.
A
nemesis TIE fighter pilot would defect...and have
the hots for Luke.
Luke
wouldn't agonize over Vader being his dad until
AFTER he killed him.
The
American voice actors would be crap, and the
subtitled version would be more expensive.
Series
titles would be Star Wars, Star Wars Zeta, and
Forever Star Wars Double Zeta. People would argue
interminably about the time line conflicts.