[The scene is a yellow sandy beach. The ocean happily laps at the characters’ bare feet. The orange sun grins, sinking into the ocean horizon.]

Actor 1: ‘Tis a ship I see, Oh way out there.

Actor 2: And what else would there be, I ask of you. For this is the sea.

Actor 1: Oh! The sea I see filled with bobbing white clouds. The sails are full.

Actor 2: Is this the first here you have been, you carry on like so. I see this every sundown. Have not we passed each other’s way before?

Actor 1: Yes. I carry on this way always. For I am quite young and dumb and this play is empty. I am to fill it up poetically with clouds and ships and Oh….the sea.

Actor 2: I will leave you now for I think you quite mad. A shadier beach I will find where the sun is not so bad.

Actor 1: [Groaning] The sun is not so hot. It is his head. And now I am left alone. Oh this play is now as dry as the ground I stand upon.
[A young man passes by.]
Oh Passerby! Can you help? A conflict is what I need.

Passerby: Oh I see. I must satisfy your wants and needs. And what of mine I ask of you. I have wife and kids at home with hungry mouths to feed. Yet still I will help you. [Pointing] Conflict is over there, picking his nose, watching you and me.

Actor 1: Much thanks to you passerby. You may go on your way. Hope to pass you by another day. [Calling] Conflict, is that you? You’re on the stage, the audience awaits. Witty and entertaining you must be.

Conflict: Witty and entertaining I am not but will try my best to be. For now we will sit and watch the sea.

Actor 1:Watch the sea? Oh this will not do. Humor and adventure I ask of you!

Conflict: Humor I know not but adventure yes. I’ll tale a tell as we sit and watch. For with the tide froth memories; bright as the sun, blue as the sea.

Actor 1: I ask of you kindly, speak not of deathly spirits, the albatross’ omen. This play must….[He is interrupted mid-sentence by Conflict]

Conflict: Persistent you are. Shall I have you do this? If you shut your mouth I can begin. [Dramatically] On this very bank, a long time ago a fair maiden wept yes she wept just like so[Wipes imaginary tears from his eyes]. As she knelt by the sea, her tears hit the water. A golden fish swam to her presently. Oh this fish was more beautiful than any she’d seen. His eyes were old and had seen much time pass. He could tale you a tell of a time ages past. Only this lass did not speak Fishee (or believed she did not)! So she stared at the fish and continued to weep. She then spoke.
[Acting out his own play]

Conflict: Maiden: Oh my love is lost at sea. Gone for seven years, I am never to see. If only he’d return, Oh how happy I’d be. Oh fish fish fish fishy. If only you could tell me. Where is my love? Battling sea monsters in these great blue depths; or yearning for a drop to drink, surrounded by salty water on a windless sea?
[The fish only stares up at her tear covered face]

Actor 1: Of what nature is this fishy and how does he fit in our play?

Conflict: Oh this fish was a mystical drunkard, remembering adventures of a youthful past and drowning in his own misery.

Actor 1: Thank you dear Conflict. Please continue.

Conflict: Fishy: Oh my home is this sea of troubles.[Takes a swig of scotch] My only comfort is my dear student and heir-to-be.

Maiden: [Astonished at the fish’s loquacity] What will he inherit oh golden fish? Your beauty? Your scotch and whiskey?

Fishy: Yes and my knowledge of the sea.

Maiden: Tell me of this student of yours. How is he called and what does he do?

Fishy: From birth he’s called Norehc but I call him differently: the paradoxical boop. He is a ferryman on this paradoxical sea. He is out of work, surprisingly, and often talks to me. Thrice a day he comes around to this very square upon the ground. But it seems he’s too busy for me. A long time since he ferried this sea. A Czech from Hungary, unlike anyone I know. He is like a brother to me.

Maiden: Yes I see what you mean dear fish. He is indeed paradoxical.

Fishy: [With a gurgle] Ah..He comes our way now. [Flipping his fin happily]

[A young man can be seen down the beach. He hasn’t shaved for years. He looks around, up and down confusedly]

Norehc: ‘I am of old and young, foolish as the wise.’ Hello Fishy. How wonderful this day. The sun smiles, the dense clouds pile. As pleasant as can be. How fair thee, maiden, on this wretched day?

Maiden: I fair fine on this pleasant day. You did say pleasant? Or wretched? Your speech was quite confusing. Kindly tell me why you act this way.

Norehc: Seven years ago, in the middle of May, I departed from this land. I was escaping love, questing for treasure in distant sands. Do you find this confusing as much as I do? It doesn’t make sense I tell you.

Maiden: No dear Norehc, please continue.

Narehc: I remember no more but I’ll tell you this. I was eaten by a sea monster and returned safely home. A violent tempest left us dead in our tracks. Not even the slightest wind, in which to tack. I called up the cook from within our sunken deck. “Prepare a feast dear friend, a festival is in hand”. We fasted merrily. I do not recall just what happened then. I awoke on this beach with the sun in my eyes. In these charmed clothes, I sought my fortune. I built my own ferry, because that is what everyone needs. A boat to take them across this deep blue sea. It seems these clothes have failed me. For no one wants a ferry ride. So I live on this beach, by the lovely seaside. And that’s what has happened to me.

Maiden: You seem to me a liar one or crazy too. Tell me of your life before these unfortunate events.

Norehc: I remember little. There is too much to tell. [Scratching his head] Ah there was love. Yes, an ugly maiden for whom I fell. Where is she now, I cannot tell.

[At this the maiden becomes red in the face with anger. Shouting]
Maiden: I am your lover and you are my love lost to the sea!!!! But after these insults I can no longer love thee. You are a filthy animal, stinking of this damn sea!! I find you more senseless than the fishy.
[The maiden shoves Norehc fiercely. He surprisingly vanishes from the scene.]

Actor 1: He was quite distracting, wasn’t he?

Conflict: Yes the poor fellow had to go.
[Continuing his play]

Fishy: Excellent performance oh beautiful maiden. I congratulate thee. Who says love only comes around once? If you will take my fin, we will get off this damn beach. I’ve had quite enough of sea, and ships, sailors, and ferrymen, talking fish, and scotch. Let’s hit the town. I hear the nightlife is terrific.
[With that the maiden took his fin. He instantly transformed into a man! A bare-chested, fat, middle-aged man but he was human nonetheless. He wore an expensive gold chain and a cheap grin. The two frisked happily down the beach and never did return to the sea.]
 
 

THE END