Suicide Dreams
When things in my world are not what they seem,
I get so completely and utterly confused.
I do what you want, then my ass you ream
For your ego, battered and totally bruised.
Shouting and screaming indifference and hate
All bottled up inside my bleeding heart.
Is this the life we chose, or is it God's fate
That we should painfully pull apart?
Your warm salty tears make me feel so cold
Yet sad at the same time, too.
Battles and wars getting so awfully old,
I seem incapable of pleasing you.
It's times like these that I sit back and think
Of black nasty thoughts and suicide dreams.
For death would be much easier to drink
Than what we're doing to each other, it seems.
You ask what I want from your selfish heart.
You want to know what it is my soul needs.
I try to explain but your words shoot a dart
Into my heart and laugh as it bleeds.
I've tried and I've tried to make your life serene.
Of my life, I've given you the best years.
But suicide dreams are all the dreams I've seen
As I've cried and cried my very last tears.
� Kathee Tschudy, December 8, 1997.
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