The Lamb
Many lives ago,
I loved them with all my heart, body and soul.
They did what they could to change my thinking ways.
I tried really hard to find within myself sweet understanding
But will never know peace in this nighttime haze.
I've run for as hard and as long as I possibly can, with my
Tail between my legs like a shy little lamb.
The slaughter bell is ringing,
Shrill in the cold light of winter's dusk
As I search deeply for whatever I am.
Shown I am different,
That my thinking is not right,
I shudder
Wondering what I've done to cause such abuse,
Only to find as I sit here and sigh,
The abuser is me
Attempting to murder.
Murder what, I muse.
Acceptance is something I simply cannot obtain in this life
As I pray to whatever God I can find
For the strength to continue living my beliefs with conviction
That just once,
Someone will think my way in kind.
Knowing what I am made of,
The strength of tenfold and so much more
Yet easily scarred,
Bruising gently,
Heart broke
To the point of misunderstandings,
Yearning yet to be set free
From all that sweet stench of love gone up in smoke.
Although compelled to punish myself for that which I cannot stop,
I live to forgive those who've done me so wrong.
Even though to forgive myself
Would give me sweet success of peace,
I can't find a way to even sing the song.
So scars of the slaughter come back
To haunt my nightmares while I dream
And peace is far away in this life I live,
The lamb of my soul,
Frightened to tell the tale of murderous thought,
Has learned to forget what I choose to forgive.
� Kathee Tschudy, August 13, 1998.
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