Chapter 2
A Meeting of Minds
I awoke from my evening of lying with Neve wondering why her words had seemed so important the night before. I must confess that at that early age, the comfort of a woman's arms still pleased me, though I suspect that I was more thrilled with her deep affection for me. I haven't been as honest and open with any of my consorts since Neve. Perhaps that was why she was so loving towards me. Honesty is an essential ingredient in a relationship, and I fear it has been missing in most of my relationships.
Nevertheless, I arose with the sun and greeted the morning damp with enthusiasm and light-headedness. There were few others around, though I could smell the fires from several huts nearby. I opened my mind to catch the thoughts of some of my fellow villagers, a daily practice that forewarned me of problems or conflicts within the village.
My mind exploded with pain, a searing blast of light, heat, and finally pain, intense, incredible pain.
I reeled backwards, falling against the wall of my house. Neve, hearing the sound of my fall, and perhaps an inadvertent cry that I uttered, raced outside.
"My husband, what is the matter?" she cried, trying to help me up. In all our years together, she had never seen me ill or weakened or at a disadvantage. I looked into her eyes and saw puzzlement and fear. Her puzzlement and fear, however, was nothing compared to what I was feeling myself.
I brushed her cheek with my hand and smiled at her. The blinding light was gone, the heat subsiding, the pain diminishing. I stood up. "I know not what happened, Neve," I said. I described what I felt, but it was an experience beyond her ken. She merely held me close to her bosom, trying to protect me as she protected her babies and children.
"Reach out, RonWil," she urged. "Feel the spirits and see what they tell you."
I opened my mind, more tentatively this time than before, fearful that the pain and heat would return, but only the random thoughts of my neighbors greeted me. I sent a calming thought into Neve's mind, but she brushed it away, almost reproachfully. I respected her too much to try it again.
I extended my mind further, far beyond the borders of our village, beyond the borders of the neighboring villages, across a vast expanse of hills and steppes. Until I found it.
It was a quiet, almost tentative voice. It was as though it was not human, yet not animal either. It recognized my presence, responded to it, encouraged it. The voice called to me, urged me to come to it. What kind of a spirit was this? I asked myself. Who are you? I asked.
Slowly the words came back, fuzzy, indistinct, not really words I understood, but still I gleaned their meaning. A friend.
Where are you?
I am hurt. I cannot bring you to me, you must find me. There was a feeling of uncertainty. You must be careful, or they will kill you.
I was astounded and simultaneously amused by this. No one could kill me, so I did not take the spirit's words seriously. How do I find you? I asked.
Do you know how to teleport?
The word meant nothing to me, but I understood the concept. Yes, I can fly through the air, I replied.
Then fly towards me, said the spirit. I will tell you if you are getting closer or going away. But hurry! In my condition, I am very vulnerable if they find me.
Who is looking for you?
Don't waste time! the spirit insisted. Come to me or we both might die.
I looked at Neve. Her eyes told me that she knew I was leaving, that I would never return, even though I did not believe that myself. I kissed her as we had kissed when she was but a young girl, then I floated up into the air away from her.
The spirit guided me for several minutes. I flew through the air at an incredible speed, faster than I had ever traveled before. I crossed plains, forests, a sea, rivers and a mountain range. Then, I began to slow my progress, not of my own volition, I am sure, but because the spirit somehow was controlling me. Down below I saw a fire burning in a forest, and in the midst of the fire, I saw what looked like bright and shiny objects. Without intending to, I slowly descended to the area where the shiny objects were mostly clustered.
I am going to use your mind, said the spirit. Do not be afraid, and do not fight me. I will not harm you, but I need your help to repair myself.
Without waiting for my consent, the spirit seemed to be inside my mind. I could sense what it was doing, even though I did not have control over what it did. First, the fire was put out by somehow forcing all of the air away from the flames. Then the spirit began to remove the shiny objects -- it was the remnants of a space ship, though the concept meant nothing to me. Finally, the spirit began to move an animal from the wreckage. While I could see the remains of other animals, I knew that none of them lived. This creature, however, still had the pulse of life in it.
I looked at the creature that floated out of the wreckage towards me. It was approximately human shape, though smaller, perhaps the size of a young female adult. It was orange-red in color, entirely covered in fur, though it had on some forms of ornamentation. None of its ornaments seemed to be the equivalent of clothes, however. Its face, when the body was quite close to me, reminded me of a cat or a fox with a flat snout. It had no ears.
It did have arms and legs, as opposed to paws, so I concluded that it was not a fox, but a person of some sort. However, it had no distinguishing sex organs that I could identify. I could not tell if it was male or female.
It appeared to be unconscious, though I did not see any blood or cuts on its body. It was possible that the fur hid any wounds it had, but I suspected that it did not have any. When I looked at the other creatures that were on the spaceship, I could see that the crash had destroyed their bodies. Yet this creature was intact. Had it done what I had done when I fell off the mountain? Had it rebuilt its body almost instantly?
Yes, friend, that is what happened. The creature seemed to convey a smile, though I sensed the smile rather than saw it.
Not too many things frightened me by that stage of my life. I knew that most causes of death, dismemberment, pain, or inconvenience for my fellow humans had no meaning to me. Yet I did not live without fears. I feared the unknown. I feared spirits that controlled forces I did not yet understand. I feared my own powers.
The creature that lay before me, even in its unconscious state, frightened me. I knew not what manner of creature this was. It looked like nothing I had ever encountered, and I had encountered more varieties of animals and plants than ever had any of my clansmen. I knew that there were creatures on earth that I had not seen, for I had seen these images in the minds of men. I did not have the sophistication and skill at that time to probe deeply enough to distinguish imaged creatures from observed creatures. My sources believed in what they contemplated, and that was good enough for me.
So it was not the alien appearance of the creature that frightened me. I was frightened instead by my perception of its similarity to me.
I had been searching for my own kind, and when I encountered something that seemed to be like me, I feared it.
Do not be afraid, the creature intoned over and over. Do not be afraid. I am your friend.
As I think back on my first encounter with Mathiya, I am alarmed by how foolish I was. True, it did turn out that the creature called Mathiya was my friend. True, it did turn out that we developed a love for each other that was almost unique in the known galaxy. True, we did "marry" each other in a very real human sense.
But it is also true that the reason she was on earth was to destroy me.
I could have removed her body from the wreckage telepathically, but instead I did it with my own hands. I came to regard the creature as a female, partly due to its smaller size and softer features. In fact, Mathiya had no sex as we interpret the word, nor do most Atmonians. Whatever gender or reproductive capacity they were born with was essentially immaterial within a few dozen years of their birth. In all respects that mattered, that is.
You may have wondered, if gender was meaningless to us Atmonians, how could I have fathered my four children? The answer is both obvious and irrelevant. Atmonians cannot reproduce their own kind, but they can reproduce the host species. I was the father of my human children, but I could not produce any child that exhibited the genetic traits of an Atmonian. We were, in once sense, mules.
Throughout its life span, an Atmonian may assume various forms and genders, even various species. In all these manifestations, Atmonians can assume a variety of reproductive roles. I, for instance, have fathered thousands of children, mothered hundreds, and bred countless times as various earth species. In addition, I have parented hundreds of offspring in a variety of species not indigenous to earth.
My reproductive situation is not particularly unique. Humans tend to be more driven towards procreation due to their comparatively short life span when compared to many other species found in the galaxy. But most Atmonians go through some variation of this procreative phase, trying desperately to produce a natural clone of itself.
All such experiments have ended in failure.
Only our true "father" appears to have that capability.
I regarded the creature as a female, and as is the tendency with many species on our planet, in which the dominant male guards over the weaker female, I adopted a protective orientation towards Mathiya. It never occurred to me that though she was smaller than I was, she was vastly more powerful, at least at that stage of my development. It never occurred to me that each brief moment of time that I remained within her cognition and awareness, my life was in peril. It never occurred to me that it was not she that needed protection but rather it was I that was in danger.
It also never occurred to me, until very much later, that my feelings of protectiveness were not my feelings at all, but emotions that Mathiya put into my mind.
Why would I even suspect such a thing? Even though I had done it thousands of times to my fellow humans, I never considered that someone could do it to me.
Now I realize that my early feelings towards Mathiya were not "natural" feelings at all, but were planted in my mind to ensure her survival.
I did not realize what she had done -- if in fact she had really done it -- until hundreds of years later. Then, for almost two thousand years, I would be plagued by the uncertainties I felt.
At that time, however, there was no uncertainty. I knew that she needed help, she needed protection -- and I was the only living entity that could provide that protection.
As I carried her from the wreckage, I began to see various images, many of which were meaningless to me. I began to see places that were so different from anything that I had seen on earth that I knew they had to be the domain of the spirits and gods, not the mortal creatures that ranged over the earth. I saw images of creatures, strange, wonderful, and frightening creatures. Each one of the creatures had a code attached to it, an emotional index that indicated whether the creature could be trusted or not. Some of the images were of creatures that could be trusted implicitly. This was a very small number of the images. Most of the visions I saw were of creatures that could not be trusted; creatures that I should endeavor to destroy the instant I encountered them.
Almost immediately I had an overwhelming desire to protect the strange creature. I wanted to protect it, yes, that feeling was very strong. I also loved this creature, with a love that was incredibly stronger than the love I had felt for Neve. So strong was this feeling of love that I lost all concern about Neve, about my children, about my clan.
Nothing mattered to me except ensuring that this wondrous creature remained safe and intact. Yet even then, I perceived inconsistencies. Why should I protect this creature? Was this not an alien creature, not of this earth? Was it not perhaps a spirit creature or a god? Even as I thought those thoughts, I felt an enormous pain and pressure inside my mind, as if the very thoughts themselves were the source of the pain. As soon as I stopped thinking those thoughts, however, the pain disappeared.
I have often wondered, over the centuries and millennia, whether my love for Mathiya was nothing more than this early mind control that she exerted on me. I am a firm believer in free will, even though I myself have induced countless people of many different species to do things they would not do of their own volition, if they but knew what their own volition was. But it is the nature of Atmonians to impose their wills on lesser creatures. I know that Mathiya has not imposed her will on me since that first few days and weeks, but do I really know that? Is it not possible that I loved her only because she chose to allow me to love her?
I find it disturbing that I can ask these questions now, now that she is dead. Why haven't I asked them sooner? Why haven't I asked them when she was still alive?
Normal creatures, creatures such as you, often wonder, does he or she really love me? It is a question even we have. But our questions go beyond yours. You believe, sometimes mistakenly, that you do what you do because you will it. We know better. We know that there are some beings more powerful than we are, and these beings can get us to do their will instead of our will. If the other being is powerful enough, we will never perceive that what we are doing is not what we intended. We cannot even document what we intend to do, then compare that record with what we actually do to see if there is a discrepancy, for these more powerful creatures can actually transform matter to be what they want it to be.
There is nothing more devastating than the death of an Atmonian.
You may not understand the import of the death of an Atmonian, because you all face death and see it throughout your lifetimes. For you, death is natural.
For us, death is unnatural.
Death only occurs when one Atmonian kills another.
There is no natural death, no suicide. Only murder.
As I have said earlier, the best time to kill an Atmonian is at birth or during its infancy, before it acquires its protective defenses and devastating capacity to control the physical universe. After a few years of life, however, an Atmonian is incredibly powerful, and can only be killed by an Atmonian of greater power. Since we have only found one hundred and twenty Atmonians (of whom over sixty have been killed since I was born), it is not hard to determine the relative power hierarchy among them.
The most powerful was the Atmonian called Liebergott. He was a thousand times more powerful than the next most powerful Atmonian, who was Mathiya.
Mathiya, in turn was more powerful than I was. Of course, when I first met her, I was not the powerful Atmonian I am now. I was a mere youth, an untrained, underdeveloped Atmonian. Of course, both Liebergott and Mathiya could see my potential. Liebergott wanted Mathiya to find me and bring me to Atmonia. Mathiya, on the other hand, wanted to find me and kill me. Did Liebergott manipulate reality so that a group of rogue Atmonians chose that moment in time to try to destroy Mathiya? Liebergott must have known that they would fail, but would he sacrifice his favorite to save me?
Did Liebergott manipulate reality to achieve his own personal goals?
Mathiya doesn't know, since she isn't powerful enough to fathom Liebergott.
I don't know since I am not powerful enough to fathom Liebergott.
I am not powerful enough to fathom Mathiya. That is why I have always wondered, do I really love her? Or do I love her because my love for her was convenient to her? Did I love her because she found needed me to protect her?
Why do I go on about this, you ask? Most of you cannot perceive any discontinuity between what you perceive of reality and what reality truly is. There are a small tiny fraction of you who know what reality is -- part of our ethics demands that we "document" reality by allowing at least one sentient being to remain aware of how we have distorted and manipulated the universe. However, these individuals, to the extent that they talk about what they have seen or experienced, are regarded as insane or demented. No one ever believes them.
But it allows us to keep track, at least for the lifetime of the individual, of what was and what it became.
This is the only ethic that we all consistently adhere to. If any of us violates this practice, the others would immediately turn on that individual and destroy him or her or it. In my lifetime, we have only been violated twice, and both times, the violator was destroyed. Immediately. Totally.
Perhaps I keep talking about this because the need to document reality is so critical to us. All of us distrust reality, since none of us can tell what reality is.
Do not fear me, my friend, said the spirit. What are you called?
"I am called RonWil," I said aloud. I was not sure she could hear me. I am called RonWil.
I can hear you, she responded, though I prefer to use thought transmission until I can learn to form your sounds.
What are you called? I asked.
They call me Mathiya. That is merely a contraction of my name. My whole name is a song, RonWil, and is not suitable for daily conversation. She emanated feelings of warmth and trust. I felt comfortable with her, not knowing at that time how much of my mind she was manipulating. I need your help, RonWil. We must get to a safe place before the Others find me.
What can I do for you, Mathiya? I thought about Neve, wondering how she would respond to the creature if I brought Mathiya to my home. But almost instantly, Neve's image became blurred in my mind, and I forgot about her. My only concern was to help this strange, furry spirit-person.
We must travel to an island. There is a base on the island used by my companions. I can recover there and then finish my mission.
I did not fully understand what she said, though I had a strong feeling that her mission was similar to mine -- to find other beings similar to me. I was puzzled by her need to continue the mission, since we had found each other. That was reason enough for me to end my mission, but not, apparently, sufficient for Mathiya to end hers. But then, she was a spirit, not of this earth, and presumably had greater goals than one such as I.
It should not take long for us to get to the island, I said. We can teleport there quite quickly.
No! Her mental images were frightening pictures of terrible pain. They will be watching for us to do that. The Others can see our psychic energy, RonWil, and if they find us, they will kill us both. We must blend in with the life forms here, do no more than they do, or do it so slowly that the energy pattern is barely noticeable.
I do not understand this, Mathiya, I protested.
She seemed to regard me as a young child, to be tolerated. Perhaps one day you will understand, RonWil. But for now, do as I tell you.
A strange feeling of subservience came over me, a strong desire to do as she bid. It was a feeling I had never encountered and it disturbed me. Yet I yielded to her, not knowing that at the time, there was a powerful play of minds at war with each other. I finally yielded to these growing feelings I had, and Mathiya seemed to physically smile. I was happy to see the creature smile.
We did travel by primitive means. We walked day after day. Sometimes we had horses to ride. We would make better progress, towards a destination that was still meaningless to me since Mathiya refused to tell me more about the island. Once Mathiya had mastered my language, she had no desire to communicate with me, in spite of my attempts to draw her out. Our days passed in silence, always riding or walking south and west. If I thought this strange, the thoughts were fleeting and inconsequential.
We crossed a range of mountains, trekking slowly up narrow footpaths worn by countless caravans over the ages. We would pass an occasional hut, a pile of stones with slab rocks and sod for roofs. Often these huts were abandoned, or perhaps built for use by travelers such as us. They were usually empty, though they did provide some protection against the cold winds that swept through the mountains. We were above the timberline much of this time, so there was no wood for fire. Mathiya would draw out small rodents from their burrows, and I would kill them. We would eat their flesh raw, which Mathiya seemed to relish more than I did.
We did pass a caravan coming up from the south. It consisted of twenty or so young men, on foot, and a half dozen older men on horses. They had another dozen horses on tethers, large bundles strapped to their backs. We hid behind boulders, lest they see Mathiya. We had no idea what these men would do if they encountered a spirit. Not everyone at that time was as tolerant as I was.
I wanted to put distance between the caravan and us, but Mathiya wanted to follow them. I thought she wanted to steal supplies and food, but she was after something much more precious. She was after their memories.
We watched the men make camp. They too had limited fuel, though they did have horse droppings, which they burned in a smoky, sputtering fire. The men sat close to the fire, huddled for warmth. Mathiya sent her mind out, probing each of theirs.
I was surprised that I could tell she was doing this. I thought about telling her, but then she stopped her probe and stared at me in shock. I felt her cringe, and inadvertently pull away from me.
How did you do that? She demanded.
Do what? I asked.
Don't be coy with me, RonWil! You know perfectly well what I am referring to! How did you see me probe their minds?
I do not know, I answered truthfully. It just happens.
She seemed very disturbed by my answer. I have what I need from these primitives, she said. Let us go.
I did not dare ask her what she had gotten from the primitives. But the thought crossed my mind that she probably regarded me as a primitive. Strangely, that thought stayed with me for a long time.
We descended the mountain passes towards a vast plain that stretched as far as they eye could see. We welcomed the warmer climate, though the nights were still very cold. We continued walking southeast, until we came to a shoreline. The water stretched to the horizon.
Is this where your island is? I asked.
No, it is further west.
I nodded, wondering if we would ever arrive at the island, or if we would walk forever. We passed villages located on the shoreline, and here we would steal food. Actually, I stole the food, while Mathiya waited on the outskirts of the village, safe from prying eyes.
As we traveled further from the lands I had been born in, we encountered new peoples who spoke other languages. Our progress through these lands was sufficiently slow that we both could learn the language, though at first Mathiya learned the languages much faster than I did. After a while, however, I began to learn them almost as fast as she did.
She seemed surprised by this, but other than her initial comment about how quickly I learned, she made no other mention of it. Yet, I could see that my skill bothered her, though at that time I could not understand why. It was one of those thoughts I had, but quickly forgot about. I had more important things to worry about.
Let me comment on this language acquisition ability that Mathiya and I both shared. We did not learn languages as you do, by hearing a word or phrase, committing it to memory, and practicing it. We learned the language by identifying the language structures in someone's mind and then duplicating them in our own minds. Of course our first phases were crude, but within a few minutes, we were speaking as well as the individual whose mind we had read. If we discovered that someone else had a better vocabulary or speaking ability, we simply copied his language mind patterns.
After many days of walking, we arrived at a village that was much larger than those we had heretofore seen. It was not large enough to be called a city - Mathiya told me that there were such places further south, but we would avoid them. This village had several thousand people in it. It took me a while to grasp the concept of such a number. Up to this point, I had no need for a numbering system. Most people in my village, myself included, remembered all the elements in a set, so we had no need to count them.
Mathiya found that quaint, but useless, telling me with disdain that there were superior means of dealing with quantities. She quickly introduced me to many strange concepts, including the idea of "nothing." She described many ways of counting, but said she preferred the way she had learned on her own world. I later learned that it was a base-three counting system, but it was also the first one I learned. I later replaced it with a base-ten counting system, but there are times when I still revert back to my earliest learning experiences.
I asked her why she wanted a large village. So I can blend in, she responded.
She had me find a place where we could stay. I traded some jewelry we had stolen to pay for our lodgings. Mathiya said they would later develop tokens to exchange for things like this, but this area was too remote. Most exchanges were bartered. We had had a similar system in my village, where a huntsman might exchange part of his kill for a basket of fruit or a well-turned piece of pottery. But that was rare, since most people in my village created only what they needed and shared whatever surplus they had.
I obtained a room for us to stay in, and under cover of darkness, Mathiya joined me. I was very proud of the room I had obtained. It had cots in it for each of us, a table with a basin for water. It had lamps that burned oil to see in the dark. It was truly a wondrous place!
Mathiya was neither impressed by the room and its scant furnishing nor disdainful. She looked around and said it would do. She told to lie down on one of the cots. She lay down on the other, on her back. She asked me to relax and let my mind be open to her. She told me over and over that she would not harm me, that I could trust her, that she was my friend. Her concept of friend became confusing to me, melding into concepts for mother, sister, lover, wife, and even myself. But I did trust her, and I let my mind relax, and I let her enter it. There isn't anything I would not have done for her.
I learned later that Atmonians never allow another Atmonian to enter one's mind as I allowed Mathiya to enter mine. I would not learn until much later, when I killed my first Atmonian, how dangerous that practice could be. But at the time, I was a primitive, naïve and trusting.
I felt her at the corners of my mind, exploring it, trying to determine what might be called its boundaries. This seemed to take a long time, though I could no longer distinguish perceived time from real time. Finally, she seemed to weary of this task, and began to explore my memories and my capabilities. She seemed to be searching for something, but I could not determine what it was she sought. I tried to ask her, but she ignored me.
Then, there seemed to be a feeling of excitement suffusing through my mind. Whatever she had been looking for, she found, and I felt her engulf it with her own mind. It seemed to me that it was similar in effect to the feelings of pleasure and excitement my fellow villagers had when they engaged in mating behaviors, but it seemed much more intense than any perceptions I ever gleaned from their minds. For me, the experience was both pain and joy, constricting and expanding, ending and beginning. I wanted the feelings to go on forever and I wanted them to stop because the feelings were too intense for me. And when they did stop, I felt both contentment and longing for it to begin again.
But it didn't begin again.
I was left with an emptiness, this void I had only so recently learned about. It was painful and debilitating. I think I cried, tears and vocalizations of loss. Mathiya was no longer in my mind, and if she took anything from me, I do not know. I don't think she did, I think she merely used me, as a catalyst, to do with my mind what hers was unable to do.
Bright daylight flooded through the narrow window slit in the wall, casting a tangible beam through the murky darkness. Dust caught the rays of light danced as the sunlight heated the air in the room. I watched them dance, aware for the first time that I could actually discern the billions of specks of dust. Somehow I knew I was not seeing them with my human eyes, but with a sense that humans lacked.
I looked over towards Mathiya and stared in shocked amazement.
Most of her fur was gone, replaced by skin, a whitish skin covered with blue veins and red blotches. Her face was more humanlike, though still pointed. She had the beginnings of ears, and the fur on her head and neck was beginning to look like human hair.
I sat up on the cot and continued to stare at her, now seeing her body transform within my view. I saw the skin cells begin to take on pigmentation, I saw the features of her face begin to shift their shape and assume more human proportions. She appeared to be asleep, even though the changes were occurring with increasing rapidity. As I watched, her skin became normal, though darker than my skin. Her face took on a shape that was pleasing to look at, and her body assumed the proportions of a young woman. I found myself attracted to her, much as any normal man is attracted to an attractive woman. I now wonder how much of that feeling I had then was induced by my own hormones or how much induced by thoughts planted by Mathiya.
At the time, the result was the same.
I wanted her, more than I had ever wanted any woman before.
I realized that even in human form, she would arouse curiosity and wonderment. Though she looked typical of some of the tribes and races I had seen in the north, she was totally atypical of the women who lived in the regions we traversed. Her skin, darker still than mine was, yet was many shades lighter than the peoples of this area. Her hair was blond, not dark like those in the mud brick buildings around us. Her face was more rounded than the long faces of the people in this region.
She would have been commonplace a hundred days' march to the north. But in this locale and clime, she would raise many eyebrows.
I saw this woman in your memory, she whispered in my mind. You seemed to like her.
Yes, I remember her now. I saw her from a great height as I flew overhead. I was going to visit her again, but I lost interest. I think she has died since then.
She will live again in me for you, my friend.
Somehow, that made me feel very happy. But that is what she intended, wasn't it?
My hosts were surprised to see Mathiya with me, but she calmed their fears. After that, no one seemed to notice her. This surprised me, until I looked into the mind of one person and saw what she saw. Where I saw Mathiya as a beautiful woman of the northern forests, this local villager saw a dark skinned woman of advanced years and graying hair.
I asked Mathiya how this was possible.
Each person sees what they want to see, RonWil. I merely build upon their natural inclinations and appear to them as they desire to see me.
I probed the minds of several others, and found that she was right. Everyone saw her in a different aspect. Some saw her as old, many saw her as the same age as myself, a few even saw her as an older man. On the other hand, all saw me pretty much as I appeared.
I wondered to myself, how does she do that? And instantly, I saw in my mind how she did it. I saw how she could see into the minds of dozens, or hundreds, and possibly even thousands in one instant, and see the patterns of their perceptions, and how she fit into those patterns most comfortably, thus appearing to them as they wanted to see her.
Don't do that! she cried. Stay out of my mind!
The intensity of her outrage exploded in my mind. I physically cringed, but more from the surprise of her reaction than from any perceived pain. What are you talking about? I asked.
You went into my mind and took something. By all the stars of the universe, if I still didn't need you, I would kill you on the spot! Then, realizing what she had said, she calmed down. I could feel her trying to pull the memory of her words out of my mind, but I would not let her. Her words hurt me, but I would not give them up. I felt her trying harder and harder to undo the damage she had done, and the harder she tried, the more I resisted her. I began to see her body glisten with sweat, so strong was her exertion. But she was weak then, and she finally gave up, and for the first time, the spirit in the form of a woman spoke aloud.
"I didn't mean what I said," she uttered.
My jaw dropped. "You talked," I said in a low voice.
She nodded, her eyes lowered, her expression looking contrite. "I have vocal cords now. Earlier, my vocal cords were not suitably designed for your speech, though you and species of animals might have been able to hear me."
My anger suddenly vanished, swept away by this new aspect of her. Did she intend that? I don't think so. Her knowledge of human psychology, at least at that time, was still as primitive as she regarded me. It was mere luck on her part, but it made me feel even more protective of her, as if the capacity of normal speech made her more human and less of a spirit. I went over to her and put my arms around her, pulling her close to me.
She nestled in my arms, her face pressed against my chest, her arms wrapped around my waist. The memory of that moment has never left me, and even to this day, I can still feel her human body warm against mine. I can still smell her hair as she leaned her head against my shoulder. This is a creature who can destroy planets with her mind, create worlds in an instant. But at that moment in time, she was a vulnerable human female, seeking my help and protection.
Perhaps that is when I truly fell in love with her.
Any feelings of love that might have been kindled at that moment were short-lived. Mathiya quickly became as uncommunicative as before. I tried to get her to practice speech, but she felt no need of it. In fact, she could mimic languages with amazing fealty, as though she had been speaking them all her life. Yet what appeared to me to be amazing progress was, in fact, tortured slowness to her. Only later would I learn that a healthy Atmonian could undertake a transformation in fractions of a second. The hours, days, and weeks that Mathiya required for her healing process was a testament to how devastating her injuries had been.
We decided to leave the village and continue our journey. I could discern feelings of impatience in her, sort of a strange texture to those few thoughts she shared with me or the even fewer thoughts that seeped out of her mind. Coupled with those rough, jarring images of impatience were deeper, darker thoughts, and these frightened me. They were thoughts of revenge, embedded in deeper feelings of hatred. Initially, I could not tell towards whom this hatred was directed. My fear was that it was for me, but I quickly decided that was not the case. Names began to emerge: Tolan Dar Lesmocandra. Voiret Traklient. Soirendrachalenbar. Ushan 9433-599230-19223-200173. Arahelia. Bincan Everian. Once in a while I would catch impressions of these individuals, but some of the visages were so strange that I thought I was seeing images of demons. If I asked Mathiya about them, she would ignore me, her countenance angry and clouded. I stopped asking her about them, but merely filed them away in my own memory, deep, deep where Mathiya could not find them.
I was learning to be an Atmonian, though I did not know it. Distrust and secrecy are the hallmarks of an Atmonian, and I became very good at those noble talents.
We stopped heading south and began to head west. Part of the countryside was now covered in small plots of cultivated land. I had seen such lands in the past, but I was always amazed at the concept of destroying the land to grow food. Mathiya found my outrage quaint.
"There are worlds, RonWil, where there is no land to cultivate."
"How can such be?" I asked.
"Your world does not have many people on it. It is still a primitive civilization. But give your race a few thousand years, and the planet will team with people. Billions of people, perhaps tens of billions, or hundreds of billions. On some worlds, where civilizations have survived for many, many thousands of years, the world is covered with structures to house the race that lives there."
"Where are these worlds, Mathiya?"
She pointed towards the sky. "Up there," she said. "When it is dark, I shall point out the stars that have planets. Unfortunately, your star is so distant from most of the worlds in the Confederacy that you can only see one or two of the Homeworlds."
I pondered over the concept of a Confederacy of Stars with their Homeworlds. The concept both intrigued me and frightened me. "Are these Homeworlds the dwelling places of demons?" I asked.
Mathiya laughed. "Perhaps," she said, "but not in the sense you are thinking. They look differently than you do, but they are thinking, rational beings, much like yourself. When a race becomes too different, we have little contact with it, unless there is a way it can be exploited or it can exploit the Confederacy races. That I what we do - protect each side from the other."
"We?"
"The Atmonians. People like me, Liebergott, Sagaranza, Tollie, Zendron Alo, and others. It is what gives our lives purpose."
"I do not understand. Why do you need purpose? Is not living enough?"
Mathiya appeared to be bothered by the question, but she pushed whatever anxieties she had into the background. "Purpose is what distinguishes us from less evolved creatures, RonWil. Purpose distinguishes living things from non-living, and the more evolved the species is, the greater and more grandiose is its purpose."
I believed that for the longest time. When did I learn that incredible power and incredible longevity don't translate to incredible wisdom? Not for a long time.
I knew there were large cities further south of us, but Mathiya wanted to avoid them. She kept us in the rugged wastelands of the north, areas that were too dry for cultivation. Most of the people we passed were herders, who regarded us with suspicion, though a few opened their tents to us for news of other lands and to share their food. We never left anything in return, but our hosts always seemed to relish our company and acted as if they had been immensely rewarded. It wasn't until after the third or fourth invitation that I realized that Mathiya was inducing feelings of friendship and gratitude amongst them. This struck me as wrong, though I had done it often enough in my own past, and I have done it countless times since. But what had seemed acceptable behavior in myself was wrong when I saw it in others. I wanted to discuss it with Mathiya, but I was afraid she would show increased disdain for me.
We eventually arrived at a coastline. A vast sea lay before us.
What do we do now? I asked her.
We wait for a ship. Our destination is a small island far out to sea.
The beach area was deserted. The nearest settlement was a day's march south of us. I learned this by probing the minds of the few fishermen who passed us in their boats. I suggested that we should go to that settlement, but Mathiya said this spot would be better. We made a small encampment, consisting of a three-sided lean-to. Rocks made up the walls, and driftwood and grasses made up the roof. We had no beds, but our blankets spread out on the sand proved satisfactory. A fire outside the lean-to provided warmth through the night and served as a beacon to attract passing ships. I doubted that there would be many ships at this time of the year, but Mathiya dismissed my concerns. Learn patience, RonWil, she said. Finally, on our fifth day by the seaside, we was a square sail on the horizon. I dampened the fire to make it produce more smoke. The ship began to tack towards the shore.
It was not a large ship, but for its day it was very large. It had a square sail on a tall mast set in the center of the boat. In addition to wind power, there were thirty oarsmen, who pulled at fifteen oars on each side of the boat. A pilot manned a tiller and a drums man kept time on a wooden drum.
The boat anchored fifty paces out at sea, and two men clambered over the side and swam towards the shore. They wore short tunics, sandals with straps wrapped around their calves, leather breast plates, and beaten copper helmets. They had copper swords sheathed in their belts. They cautiously approached us, watching up and down the beach for any sign of trouble.
They called out to us in a language neither of us understood. They repeated their call several times, then Mathiya answered them in their tongue. They seemed surprised, but pleased. I also tried to learn their language, but at this point in my development, I was not nearly as proficient as Mathiya was. But I did glean a few words, and as they spoke, I understood more and more.
"Our ship was wrecked up the coast," Mathiya was saying. "We need to return to our home island."
"Where is your home island?" asked the taller of the two men.
"It is three day's travel north of the island of Minos," Mathiya replied. The men did computation of the distances and direction in their heads and nodded.
"It is a far journey from our home, but we can help you return. What have you for payment?"
Mathiya haggled with them, somehow convincing them that they had received ample payment for our proposed passage. I know not what they thought they had acquired, but no one ever questioned us about it after that.
We doused the campfire, grabbed what few belongings we thought might be useful on the boat, and waded out into the surf. The boat was close enough to the shore that we didn't even have to swim, a skill I had never acquired, since I never felt the need for it. As we reached the boat, eager hands pulled us aboard.
The two warriors scouted the shore for a short while, then returned to the boat. The shorter one barked a few curt orders, and the rowers began to power the boat back towards deeper water. However, rather than heading out to sea, the pilot guided the boat north along the coastline.
Where are we going? I asked of Mathiya.
They need to get provisions and engage in some trade, or else their trip will be for naught. But there are warring factions north of here, and they are afraid that they will become embroiled in the conflicts.
By nightfall, we had seen no signs of civilization, though we could see an occasional glow from a campfire. After much discussion and argumentation, the boat turned in towards the shore. The rowers struggled to beach the boat, but finally, all jumped out and pulled on two stout ropes tied to the stem of the boat. I helped in this task, despite a questioning look from Mathiya.
The men quickly made camp, and once gathered around the large campfire they built, began to share food and wine with each other. They offered some to us, which we gladly took.
As they ate, they began to exchange stories, some based on the events of their own lives, some based on sagas passed down through the generations. I found myself listening to these stories, fascinated by the wonders contained within them. I glanced frequently at Mathiya, to see what kind of reaction she had to them, but she seemed indifferent. I supposed that to a demon spirit, any tale from our plane of existence must be boring indeed. Yet, at that time, I found the stories entrancing and wonderful.
Finally, they turned to us and asked us to contribute a tale. Mathiya seemed taken back by the request, as though inclusion in our affairs was inconceivable. She turned to me, indicating that I should provide entertainment for these inferior beings.
"I have not had great adventures as have had you seafarers, but in my home village there was an individual who had more than his share of tribulations. He went by the name of Sayad, though most people called him Sayad the Simpleton, though not to his face.
"One morning, Sayad thought he would simplify the task of getting water for his home. Of course he could always send his wife to fetch the water, or even the mother of his wife, whom Sayad liked not much at all. But these two women seemed not to like such work, and Sayad was not forceful enough to compel obedience when he desired it. So the task often fell upon his shoulders.
"This particular morning, however, Sayad conceived of a wondrous idea to save him the drudge of hauling water up the hill to his hut. He followed the stream that the village used as it meandered up the hill, until he found a point where the stream was above the level of the village. Here, he began to dam up the stream, to create a pond on the upper slopes of the hill. It took him most of the morning to create his dam, being neither very knowledgeable about the interactions of earth, wood, and water, nor very competent with blade or hoe. However, after considerable effort -- much more effort indeed than that required to fetch the water many times over - Sayad had stopped the flow of the water to a mere trickle. Behind his poorly constructed dam pooled an ever increasing amount of water, which was his intent and therefore pleasing to him.
"Unbeknownst to Sayad, the spirits of the hillside did not like his tamperings with the stream. Therefore, as the water pooled, it began to seep through the lower reaches of the banks of the pool, until it finally washed away the embankment, much as happens during a spring flood.
"Within a few beats of one's heart, the pool of water began to find a new pathway down the side of the mountain. As the spirits so willed it, the new pathway went right towards Sayad's hut, rushing into it with such force that the water swept away the stone walls, the furnishings, and even the occupants, which included Sayad's wife and her mother.
"Sayad lamented the loss of his house and his all his possessions, but what he lamented the most was the loss of his wife and even her mother, whom he could no longer beseach to fetch water."
The stories continued for some time after that, but eventually the need for sleep overcame even the most stalwart of the group, and they settled down to sleep under the stars. A sentry was posted to guard against brigands and wild animals, though the captain thought there was little danger of lions in this region.
Mathiya and I slept near each other, but far enough apart to convey that she was not a wanton woman. None of the crew of the ship would dare bother her in any case, but we could not be sure of the customs of these seafaring peoples.
We awoke during the night from a cry by the sentry. He had seen some persons creeping through the shadows of the night. There was not much light from the moon, and the camp fire only extended so far. He could not be sure of what he had seen, but these adventurers took no chances. As each man awoke, he armed himself with his short copper sword or long knife.
We waited in silence for the unseen foe to present themselves, but nothing happened. We listened for movements in the grasses, but the only sounds we heard were the surf lapping at the shore and the murmurs of the wind. After some time, many of the sailors sheathed their swords and went back to sleep.
Mathiya motioned to me to stay awake. Look for them, she said. Search with your mind.
I probed and extended my mind, listening for thoughts or feelings. At first I encountered nothing, then I began to get images of us. Someone or something was watching us, waiting for us to fall asleep again. I sent out images of us falling back into deep slumber. I was not sure to whom I was sending my thoughts, but I began to feel the watcher grow more confident. He made a gesture to some unseen comrades, and I knew they were creeping closer to our emcampment.
I was surprised that their minds were so blank, as to be almost undetectable. Never had I encountered a being who could hide his thoughts from me. I was about to ask Mathiya about that when I noticed that her mind had become invisible to me. I looked around until I saw her body highlighted by the glow of the campfire. She saw me looking for her, and motioned me to remain quiet.
The watchers were now less than ten paces from the encampment. If there were enough of them, they could spring upon us and kill most of the seamen before they awoke and got their weapons out. If someone did not give the alarm soon, many of the ship's crew would be wounded or dead.
Then I heard the sounds of footsteps racing through the underbrush and sands of the beach. At the same instance, I heard the sentry cry out an alarm. But even before he finished his warning, the enemy was amongst us, slashing with their own swords. The first of the seamen who met them were pressed back, as their copper weapons bent or broke against the weapons of the attackers. Then, just as the attack started, there were flashes of light exploding around us. The flashes aimed for the invaders, striking each of them in the chest with an explosive popping sound. Within a few heartbeats, the battle was over, and the invaders all lay on the ground, knocked out or killed by the bolts of lightning which hit them.
The seamen were all now awake, staring about them with expressions of fear and confusion. The one or two who had encountered the enemy got to their feet, unsure why or how they had survived.
I stared at Mathiya, and she deigned a glance in my direction. The leader got away, she said to me. He wasn't an Atmonian, but he was not of this world.
He is a demon, then? I asked.
Yes, that is one way of thinking of him, she said. He doesn't have the powers I have, but he has enough to control your species.