Marvel-less Comics presents:
The XMen in:
"ABSOLUTE (Mark) POWERS CORRUPTS"

By Rick

scene: the X-mansion. The XMen are sitting in front of the TV, watching the latest episode of TELETUBBIES.

Logan: Man, that Teletubby named Po really needs to take speech classes. Why does he keep asking everyone where it's cooter is?

Kitty: Thats how he says 'scooter', Logan.

Logan: WHAT?! DONT YOU MAKE ME MAD, I'LL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!

Prof. X: Wolverine! Stop it! I sense the presence of something........evil.....

(enter Mark Powers and Bob Harras)

NightCrawler: Mein Gott!!! It cannot be! It's those two editors from Hades!!

Powers: Hi, everyone. Bob and I were in the neighborhood, and we thought we'd stop by and screw everything up.

Harras: We can do that, you know.....'cause we're the editors.

Storm: Goddess! They mean to destroy the Xmen! We must stop them! I shall fly to the sky and stop them with a glae force wind.

Powers: Um, no you will not, missy. I have decided that your powers will now be the ability to emit cotton candy from your ear lobes. You are no longer Storm, you are now CottonCandee.

Storm: No! My powers! I am being encased in a light, fluffy, plush candy coccoon! Someone stop this before I go insane because of my claustrophobia!

Harras: Um....CottonCandee is not claustraphobic.

Storm: Crap!

Powers: And you.....yeah, you with the bones.....your bones will now be shaped like t-bones, so that MARVEL COMICS can copyright all t-bone steaks, and get royalties from them.

Harras: And you, Mr Baldy-head, will be using Rogaine. We do not want the kiddies thinking that our books have adults in them. Oh yeah....and you aren't the founder anymore. Fred Tyler, president of TOY-BIZ is now professor of the institute.

Prof. X: ...but....

Powers: And you, Mr. NightWalker.

Kurt: NightCrawler you dumba...

Powers: Whatever. You are to report to hair and makeup immediately for a new design. You are just too scary for little Bobby Smith of Omaha, Nebraska. Off with you......

Kitty: No........the team.......is destroyed..........we have been beaten!

Rogue: Mah powers......and mah hair stripe......
.....all gone..........now Im just used for T & A shots. I feel like Fairchild of Gen13.

Wolverine: My senses are telling me that these two gimps aren't even human!

Kitty: I know what you're saying, Logan.

Powers: Logan? You're on a 1st-name basis? Do you two know each other?

Kitty: Yes we do, Mr. Powers. There were stories before YOU came onboard you know. This is just terrible!

Remy: Gambit no like 'dis one bit, Chere.

Powers: And you, you big hunk of Cajun......you will have to stop referring to yourself in the third person. We are tired of getting letters that all of the kiddies that are the main buyers of our books are learning improper grammar and spelling habits from you.

Kurt: Yeah....like HE'S the one who spelled Chaos with an X.

Harras: WHAT?!?! That's it. Bring in the erasers.

XMEN: (in unison) NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(erasers clear off all XMen from the pages, leaving only Powers & Harras)

Harras: Hmm....they're all dead now. You know what that means?

Powers: Yes, we have to appeal to the little kiddies, and I do not feel like going back and checking with the back issues.......so let's bring out the all-new, all-different X-BABIES in their own ongoing monthly.

Harras: God, we are so smart!