"A Gambit Song"
by Jami.

(Sung to the theme of "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" by Gilbert and Sullivan)

Gambit: I am the very model of a modern Thieves Guild Member I've robbed from those who lie, cheat, and dismember, I've stole the riches of the Kingpin, and I quote the Star Trek lines From Classic to Next Gen, and even Deep Space Nine; I'm very well acquainted, too, with Sinister and Apocalypse, I've worked with Storm, when Nanny made her a little kid! I charge things with bio-energy I'm suaver then James Bond, I'd rather drink wine then martinis shaken not stirred!

ALL: He'd rather drink wine then martinis shaken not stirred! He'd rather drink wine then martinis shaken not stirred! He'd rather drink wine then martinis shaken not stirred!

Gambit: I'm very good at stealing and sneaking around; I know the way around every single town: In short, in matters of stealing and seducing, I am the very model of a modern Thieves Guild Member!

ALL: In short, in matters of stealing and seducing, He is the very model of a modern Thieves Guild Member!

Gambit: I know a lot of heres, like Dare Devil and Blade; I hunted vampires, I've a taste for pretty women, I quote in elegiacs all the lines of James T. Kirk, I can also do Spock and Bones when in a lurch; I can tell undoubted Romulans from a Klingon jerk, I know the lovely chorus of Don't Worry, Be Happy! Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard sounds quite sappy, And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Phantom.

ALL: And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Phantom. And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Phantom. And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Phantom.

Gambit: Then I can write a cleaning bill in Xavier's handwriting, And tell you ev'ry detail of Storm's uniform: In short, in matters of stealing and seducing, I am the very model of a modern Thieves Guild Member!

ALL: In short, in matters of stealing and seducing, He is the very model of a modern Thieves Guild Member!

Gambit: In fact, when I know what is meant by "chere" and "darlin'", When I can tell at sight Sinister's work or the Mengo Brothers, When such affairs as parties and fights I'm more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by "you're a rat", When I have learnt what progress has been made in Sinister's laboratory, When I know more of tactics than a clone who is very gory- - In short, when I've a smattering of Essex's strategy, You'll say a better Thieves Guild member has never stung like a bee.

ALL: You'll say a better Thieves Guild member has never stung like a bee. You'll say a better Thieves Guild member has never stung like a bee. You'll say a better Thieves Guild member has never stung like a bee.

Gambit: For my Guild knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century; But still, in matters of stealing and seducing, I am the very model of a modern Thieves Guild Member!

ALL: But still, in matters of stealing and seducing, He is the very model of a modern Thieves Guild Member!