"The Mack-neto War, Pt. 1"
by Ron

(the North Pole)

Ferris: Is everything in order, my lord?

Magneto: Yes, Ferris! The humans have failed my test, so I shall punish them! Not only will my EMP knock out all power, it will render every human on the planet incapable of having sexual relations, or even fell pleasure. So humanity will have to give into me, or never repopulate! HAHAHAHA!!

(Magneto sends out his pulse wave, and instantly across the world all power is knocked out, and when people go to "enjoy the blackout", they are unable to)

(The X-mansion, and the X-men are enjoying an episode of Jerry Springer)

Rogue: Don't you take that fool back, girl! He ain't no good!

(the power goes out)

Kitty: Hey, what happened?

Proffessor: I fear the time to fight Magneto has come again.

(the viewphone rings and the X-men head to the War Room. The turn it on and it's the President)

Xavier: Clinton, what is it now? Do you need another intern mindwiped?

Clinton: No, Charles! I was in the Oval Office with pam Anderson, and I was taking out the cigars, when I just lost all interest in sex! You gotta help me, I can't live with out sex, and she's getting tired of aiming the nuclear weapons!

Charles: Why should we? You locked me up in the desert and tryed to kill us with that satellite? We owe you nothing?

Clinton: It wasn't my fault, Charles, it was Hillary! She makes all the important desicions, I just give speeches!

Charles: Well, how do we get there to fight Magnus?

Clinton: I'm sending my specially made Pimp-plane, it can travel in any weather.

Charles: The X-Men, it is time for battle!

(Meanwhile, in Israel)

Doctor: Joseph, we have both of your tests back!

Joseph: Tell me the results!

Doctor: The first one says that you are negative for HIv!

Joseph: WOO-HOO!!

Doctor: But the other says you are a clone!

Joseph: DOH!! What am I going to do now!! Rogue will never want me when she finds out I'm not the real Magneto!

Astra: Maybe I can help you.

Joseph: Who are you?

Astra: I am your mother!

Joseph: My mother?! But I'm a clone!

Astra: True, but I created you to take over the world! When Magneto was found in the wreckage from Avalon, I put his mind back together! Then I cloned ghim and made you! only you're more powerful than he can ever be!

Joseph: But why call me Joseph?

Astra: Because that was the name of my favorite dog, and you are my new pet! So let's go destroy Magneto!

Joseph: Why?

Astra: :shoots Joseph: Because I said so! No get up before I get the belt!

(The UN Building in NY)

Ferris: Magneto says that until you give him a country to rule, he won't give you any power and no one can have sex!

Ambassador: But why are the lights on in here?

Ferris: I don't know? You know this is a stupid Alan Davis comic, he can't write!

(Meanwhile, the X-men arrive at the North Pole in the Pimp-plane)

Nightcrawler: When we find magneto, we should talk to him before we fight!

Marrow: Why? He'll still try to kill us!

Nightcrawler: Because we are heros, not killers. We just wait for him to strike first, then we attack!

Gambit: Is that how y'all did it when you was leadin' Exaclibur acroos the pond? How did y'all ever su-vive?

Nightcrawler: I'm getting tired of your sh--- Gambit! It's because of you I got hurt in the morlock tunnels!

Gambit: No, it's cause you can't fight!

Nightcrawler: That's it!

(Kurt teleports and puts remy in the headlock)

Xavier: STOP IT NOW!!!! You are acting like children! Save it for Magneto!

Wolverine: I got something for him right here!(pops his claws!)

(Suddenly the plane is hit by a missle)

Storm: It's the Acolytes! We are going to crash!

( The plane crashes, and the x-men scatter before it explodes)

Kitty: Well, there goes Clinton's pimp-plane!

Colossus: Not much of a waste, if you ask me, Dudette.

Rogue: By the way Peter, how was you visit home?

colossus: Well, everything was just gnarly in California!

Wolverine: Storm, can you do something about this weather?

Storm: You better leave me alone! I just got this new Polo costume and Magneto messed it up. I'm gonna get him when I see that fool!

Gambit: You see what Harras' stupid Siege Perlious II story did, he turned Storm from an African Goddess to a Ghetto Superstar!

Storm: And you know it! I'm Ghetto Fabulous!

Xavier: Oh dear! Let's just try to get to Magneto! Pick me up, Peter!

Colossus: Alrighty, dude!

(Meanwhile, in Russia)

Yelstin: I cannot live without my boom boom! Shoot some of those nuclear missles at magneto, that'll show him!!

( The Missles launch , and Magneto buffers himself, while the X-Men are caught in the blast filed)

Astra: Let's ride, Clyde! It's time to go, Joe!

Joseph: But I do not-

Astra: Too bad! I'm gonna get Magneto for messing with that X-mn girl along time ago, I'll show him not to f- with me!

Joseph: Who, Jean?

Astra: No, Angela, from the very first team! Because when the Mack-neto War is over, I shall be the winner!


To be continued, in the next installment, from Marvel Comics, home of the endless crossovers!