RON PRODUCTIONS

PRESENTS

THE X-MEN
IN
"I'M ONLY HUMAN"

(Muir Island)

Kitty: Professor, why do you have to leave us?

Xavier: Because in one month Chris Claremont makes his return to the book, and last time her was writing he made me crazy, made me ill, sent me to space, and then broke my legs. That guy has it out for me so I'm taking these mutant skrulls and I'm gone.

Peter: But sir, we need you!!

Xavier: You don't need me, Peter. I have raised you all into fine yong people and now I must do the same with the skrulls.

Kitty: But I'm only 16!! Who's going to buy my copies of Seventeen, or my birth control pills?

Xavier: Logan and Ororo shall handle it all. Goodbye my children, and tell Claremont that he can take his plots for me and stick them where the sun don't shine!!

(Xavier boards the Skrull ship and Quickly leaves)

(A strip bar in Queens)

Nate Grey: Don't stop, get it, get it!!!

Stripper: I'll give you a private dance for $20

(Nate quickly throws out a $20 bill and enjoys his private dance when Jean walks in)

Jean: What are you doing here, Nate?

Nate: Forgetting the mess I made!! If it wasn't for me, Scott wouldn't be merged with Apocalypse!!

Jean: Well Scott wouldn't want you to sit in a strip club getting wasted!! You need to get off your tail and live up to the name X-Man!!!!

Nate: You're right, Jean!! I will get my act together and be a real hero(looks at stripper), as soon as she's done with her dance!

(Genosha)

Iceman: I must have been out of my mind to let you talk me into this, Hank! What are we doing here again?

Beast: I need to fund my scientific research, so I'm going to make a cheap movie. Where better than in Genosha, where we can get the mutates to provide special effects and the battles for our action scences. We take it nback, get Jerry Bruckheimer to put his name on it, and we make an easy $200 million!!

Iceman: And what am I doing here again?

Beast: You're the all-American hero who must stop the evil dictaor from launching his missile at the U.S. I couldn't get Matt Damon or Ben Affleck, so I got you.

Iceman: And what if Magneto shows up?

Beast: He's too busy fighting the magistrates. It'll only be a week to shoot the film,and by the time he knows we're here the film will be half way to the editing room!!

Iceman: I hope this plan of your works, Hank.

Beast: Trust me, Bob-O. By this time next year, well be in more money than Regis!!

(The Pentagon)

Mystique: Soon as I get in here an erase my government file, I won't ever have to go back to the White House and play slave girl with the President ever again!!

(She changes to a G-Man and beins to erase her file)

Mystique: Just Five More Minutes and I'm home free!!

(X-mansion)

Marrow: That's it!! I'm never playing baseball with you jokes again!!

Rogue: Don't get mad, child!! You shoulda known that you couldn't out pitch me!!

Wolverine: Storm, what's wrong? We finally got some down time and you're seem to be waitin for Magneto to attack.

Storm: It just seems like something is about to happen.

(Almost on cue, a holo-iamge of the High Evolutionary appears before the team)

Marrow: Who is this joker, Megatron?

High Evolutionary: I am the High Evolutionary.

Gambit: The who?

High Evolutionary: The High Evolutionary!!

Nightcrawler: Some crack pot Marvel Universe villian who is supposed to be all that but is really a reject!

High Evolutionary: As we speak, mutants, I am taking your powers away!!

Nightcrawler: You cannot do that. Who will save the world?

High Evolutionary: Too late now!! You're going to have to leave the world saving to the Avengers, Fantastic Four and Spider-man.

Storm: But they can't even beat an egg!

High Evolutionary: Goodbye, former mutants! My plan now goes into action.

(All around the world, mutants suddenly lose their powers and appear as they would if they were never mutants)

(Queens)

Nate: No, my powers!!! Now I can't telepathically see into the dressing room!!

(Muir Island)

Peter: Katya, we have no powers!

Kitty: No!! If I can't phase, then we can't sneak into the N'Sync concert!! And the prof didn't leave us any money to go!!

(Genosha)

Iceman: No, my Iceslide is gone!! And I'm melting!!!

Beast: We seem to be reverting to human form!!

Iceman: Does this mean shooting is over?

Beast: Shooting the film is over, but it looks like we're going to have to shoot our way out of this God-Forsaken island.

(The Pentagon)

FBI Agent: Raven Darkholm, you're under arrest for espionage!!

Mystique: I was so close!! Damn the government and it's ancient Windows 3.0 operating system!!

(The X-Mansion)

Gambit: Well, the superhero career is over. It's time for me to go call that modeling agent.

Marrow: YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! I'm finally pretty!!

Angel: Go on, wit your bad self!!!

Psylocke: But Warren, if I don't have powers won't the Shaodw King escape?

Angel: SHHHH, Betts! Davis doesn't know about that.

Rogue: I can touch!!(kisses Wolverine) I can kiss!!!(Kisses Nightcralwer, who loses his balance because he doesn't have a tail anymore). I can get my groove on!!(grabs Gambit and runs up stairs)

Gambit: What about my modelin career?

Rogue: Honey, when I'm done with you you won't be able to walk to the kitchen for the whip' cream!!

Wolverine: Damn!! I just got this adamantium back. Stupid fanboys!!

Marrow: So what do we do now, Ororo?

Storm: Since we have no more powers, we'll just have to lead normal lives. We can't do anything else.

Angel: I don't know about you, but I'm still rich and I'm going to Rio!!

Storm: On account of the team losing it's mutant powers, I order the X-Men disbanded until further notice.

Wolverine: But someone will have to stay here. Kurt?

Nightcrawler: I've fallen, and I can't get up!!

(The Evolutionary's space station)

High Evolutionary: Dr. Essex, we've finally done it!! Now the world is rid of mutants, and no one had to die!!

(Essex shoots Evolutionary)

Sinister: Now I will control the future, and I will use this buffoon's hardware to do it! As soon as I figure out this stupid Windows 2000!!


To Be Continued!!!!