Marvel-less Comics Presents:
THE X-MEN
in...
The X-Men vs. the Sentinels
By Rick

(scene: The X-mansion on a warm summer day. Prof X is looking out the front window)

Prof X- I cannot shake the visions. For the past several days, I have seen death among my children of the atom. I need to tell them to be careful, but how shall I do so?

ENTER COLOSSUS

Colossus- Top 'o the mornin' to ya' Charles.

Prof X- Hello my Irish friend. How are you doing today?

Colossus- Couldna' be better, Charles. And you?

Prof X- I am fine. Are the other XMen downstairs?

Colossus- Yes'n they are. Shall I go summon them to 'ya?

Prof X- No, I shall go to them.

PROF AND COLOSSUS GO DOWNSTAIRS TO KITCHEN WHERE EVERYONE IS SITTING AROUND THE TABLE EATING BREAKFAST.

Prof X- Hello my children.

Marrow- Good Oogily googily morning Professor. Care to try one of my delicious pastry tarts?

Prof X- Certainly, Xarrow.

NightCrawler- Ahh...it is good to be alive today, is it not Charles?

Prof X- Yes it is, but I must tell you of the visions that I have been seeing. (sadly) I feel that one of you will die in our next battle.

ALL XMEN SIT WITH BLANK EXPRESSIONS ON THEIR FACES. WOLVERINE DROPS HIS FORK TO THE TABLE, BUT DOES NOT MOVE.

Wolverine- "One of you" as in one of US?!

Prof X- Well.......yes.

Kitty- Well, I don't give a flyin' CENSORED what you think you see, Chuck! I'm not in the mood for your CENSORED!!!! In fact, I'm so CENSORED off right now, I think I'm gonna go out and punt a few puppies around the lawn. Then after that I'm gonna take a magnifying glass and fry some ants. Then after that, Im gonna....

(alarm sounds)

Storm- Goddess! We are under attack! Everyone to their battle stations.

(A Sentinel's hand suddenly busts through the ceiling)

Sentinel- Halt, mutant. You are to be contained.

NightCrawler- Everyone, run! It's a.....

ENTER MARK POWERS

Powers- CUUUUUUUUT!

Gambit- Wha'? Why for you be stoppin us, mon ami?

Powers- What are you guys trying to do? Scare the living poopy out of the little kiddies?! These meanie robots are waaaay too scary for little Susie Kramer of Witchita, Kansas. Everyone just hold your places, I've called to get a replacement bad guy for this issue.

CRANE TAKES AWAY SENTINEL WHILE EVERYONE STANDS STILL.

(enter Wile E Coyote)

Powers- THIS will be your villian.

Rogue- What? Are you joshin' us? This here's an animated wild dog.

Powers- Well, he has been tormenting the living poopie out of Road Runner for years.......AND he used to be a member of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, so I think he is a formidable foe.

Wile E- "..........................."

Colossus- He's not a'talkin'. He must be usin' some form of mind control! We cannae allow him to harm any of us.

Wile E- "............................"

NightCrawler- I shall 'port behind him and stop him with a frenzy of punches.

Wile E- ::holds up sign that reads I WOULDNT DO THAT IF I WERE YOU::

Storm- And why not?

AN ACME ANVIL DROPS FROM THE SKY AND LANDS ON STORM, FLATTENING HER TO THE GROUND.

Marrow- NOOOOO!!!! My bestest friend has been slaughtered! That was SO naughty, Mr Coyote!!!

Rogue- Everyone! Back into the mansion! This guy's tough and he plays for keeps!!!

EVERYONE RUNS BACK INTO THE MANSION WITH WILE E IN HOT PURSUIT

Prof X- We mustn't allow him to acquire the files that I have about each of you!

Kitty- Chuck, you dumb_ _ _!!! Those files were stolen in Operation: Zero Tolerance!!!

Prof X- Oh yeah.......well......we must stop him from stealing our TRIX cereal!!!

Wolverine- Nobody takes away MY fruity breakfast cereal!!

WOLVERINE TURNS TO FIGHT WILE E. WILE E SHOOTS HIM WITH AN ACME LASER GUN.

Rogue- NOOOO!!! Logan!!! We're droppin' like flies here, Professor! What can we do!!

Prof X- I will mindwipe this evil foe. It's the only way.

Kitty- Whatever, ya CENSORED!!!!

PROF X BEGINS A MIND LOCK WITH WILE E COYOTE.

Wile E- ::holds up sign that reads OUCH!::

Rogue- You're doin' it, Professor! You're stopping him!

Gambit- You let Gambit have a shot at him before you turn his brain into pudding, no?

Prof X- No.....we must end it here and now.

PROF X TOTALLY ERASES WILE E COYOTE'S MIND AND LEAVES HIM LYING IN A LIFELESS MASS ON THE FLOOR.

Colossus- Charles?!?! Are you sure'n you're okay, laddie?

Prof X- Yes. It is over. Our worst enemy EVER has been defeated.

Kitty- Good thing too! It's time for me to take this adult movies that I rented from Crazy Mitch's back.

Gambit- I'll go wit' you, Kitty.

Kitty- Who're you?

GAMBIT AND KITTY LEAVE.

NightCrawler- Professor? Are you okay? You look pekid.

Prof X- Im fine. I feel................

SUDDENLY AN ASTRAL PROJECTION OF ONSLAUGHT APPEARS.

Rogue- NOO!!! The Professor's evil side has merged with the evil side of Wile E Coyote, and has unleashed Onslaught again!

Powers- Cool! Now we can do ANOTHER cross over epic!!!

NightCrawler- That's it. I'm using the Shi'ar time machine to go back in time and LET that mob kill me. That would be better than THIS!

Rogue- And I'm gonna go hunt down Whoopi Goldberg, and make skin to skin contact with her, so I can absorb her memories, AND take on her looks. At least THEN, I'll be left alone by these editors.

Marrow- And I'm going to go back to my cooking. Professor-Wile E-Onslaught........please clean up in here when you are finished. I'm having my church group over here tonight and I do not want it a mess.

Powers- My god! This stuff is like gold! I'm so glad that I'm the writer!



t h e e n d ...?