A Tricky Situation ~Touch and Go~ is ©1999 Seiya (starr.evans@mailcity.com) and Hotaru (faris.greyweirs@mailcity.com). Steal it and Claude Kenni will mash your head in with the Minus Sword. If you haven't visited it yet, A Tricky Situation can be found at http://fly.to/touchandgo/ Opening Theme: Our Evolution Title Screen: All Right! Let's Go to Pallet!! Ash Ketchum collapses to the ground. "I'm tired!!" he complains. "Where on earth is the port to Cinnabar Island?!" Misty sits down on a rock next to him, and Pikachu jumps into her lap to join Togepi. "I have to agree, we've been walking forever! Brock, do we even know where we are!?" Brock studies their map for a long moment. He studies their surroundings for another long moment. Finally, he replies: "Maybe you'd better take a look, Misty." Ash, Misty, and Pikachu groan in unison. Togepi "brrrriii!!"'s in exasperation. "Gimme that map!" Misty demands, snatching the colourful piece of paper from him. She studies it for yet another long moment. Then she groans again. "What is it, Misty?" Ash queries, getting up from off the ground. "There isn't a port around here for miles!! We're closer to Pallet Town than anywhere else!" she cries in frustration, throwing the map to the ground. She slumps down, resting her chin on her hands. "Geez..." Ash stands. "Pallet? Really? Hey, we could always stop by my place and rest for a while, then ask Professor Oak for directions to the nearest port!" "Pi kachu!" Pikachu smiles. "Toge, brrriiiii!" Togepi agrees, bouncing up and down a little in its excitement. Brock picks the map back up. "Well, from where we are now... it's about 2:00 right now, so we'd probably reach Pallet by nightfall." Ash smiles, and Misty and Pikachu get up from the rock. "Well then, let's get going! The sooner we reach Pallet, the better, right?" Misty grumbles as she starts off again, "Whatever... you'd just better have spare beds at your house, Ash..." Faris steps out onto the helicopter platform on the ceiling of the Viridian Gym. "Change of plans, guys," she calls out to her teammates. Jessie, James, Starr, Meowth, Batts, and Raichu turn from where they're standing and stare at her. "What's up?" She closes her eyes and smiles a little. "We're supposed to go In Cog Nee Toh for this mission. So, instead of the helicopter, we're taking a nice, ordinary car and pretending we're going on vacation to Cinnabar." Her teammates all crash to the floor. Faris has a nice laugh at their expense. Later, when they're all out of uniform and dressed comfortably, Faris and company set off on the road for Pallet. "Why are we going to Pallet, anyway?" Meowth wonders, sitting on Jessie's head. "It's on the way," Faris replies from the driver's seat. "'Sides, I've got friends there, and I'd like to see them before I go on this mission." Starr stretches. "I've got friends there too, it'll be great to see them again!" she smiles. "Rai rai," Raichu agrees. Jessie crosses her arms, scowling. "So why do we have to take this ugly old mini-van? Couldn't we have taken a sports car instead and gone in style?" "Meowth, hit her for me, I'm busy," Faris replies calmly. Meowth whaps her on the head. "Actually, I would have done that even if you hadn't told me to," he confesses, grinning. Jessie proceeds to strangle Meowth. "Try not to kill each other back there," Faris says pleasantly. James yawns. "This is boring!" he complains. "Are we there yet!?" "Jessie, hit him for me, I'm busy," she replies sweetly. Jessie beans her partner with Meowth, then sulks by herself in her seat. Meowth and James have been properly subdued, complete with little swirly things for eyes. There is a moment of silence. Then Starr says, "It's too quiet, this is seriously scaring me. Things are never quiet when Jessie and James are around. Turn on the radio, Faris!" In response, she takes out a tape, pops it into the tape player, and presses the play button. "I said RADIO, Faris." "I heard you, Starr. But I'd been meaning to listen this tape for a while, and this is the perfect time to do so. Your telling me to turn on the radio just reminded to." The soothing tones of a quiet, rather depressing anime song begin to play. "Yoru no nami ni..." the voice sings. "...tsumasaki o nurashi. Furi hajime taame ni atsui kokoro o samashita... Kimi no nukumori o kono kuchibiru wa kanjinai... "Oh, Just once omoi o tsuge namida nagase rebaii. Oh, Just once sora no umi de kono inochi ga awani kawaru sono maeni... "...onna no kotoshite," the voice and Faris sing together. Starr smiles. Faris has a nice voice. 'She must trust me enough now that she can sing when I'm around and not get embarrased.' Starr herself gets edgy when people hear her sing, and she only ever will when she knows them well. Raichu leans closer to the radio and it begins to crackle. "Hey, you." Starr picks up Raichu. "Cut that out. You know you cause interference." "Rai raichu." "I like the song, too, but if you get too close you won't even be able to hear the thing at all." Raichu nods, then settles down in Starr's lap to sleep away the rest of the trip. "Oh, for the love of..." Starr mutters. Raichu is cute when he's sleeping, but having your legs go numb is not cute. James picks that time to regain consciousness. He blinks twice, rubs his head, and peeks over the edge of the seat. Starr is poking Raichu, trying to wake him up, and Faris is singing. "You have a beautiful voice..." he comments. Faris abruptly stops singing and turns red. Raichu wakes up. "Rai! Rai raichu, chu?" he demands, which translates into, "Hey! Why'd you stop singing?" Faris points at James, still blushing. "" Raichu nods, then grins deviously. "" "Not this time," Faris grumbles. Starr looks out the window and cheers. "YAIYA! Ten miles to Pallet Town! Kenji, Alex, Jason, get ready, the fourth of the Insane has returned!!!!" Faris smiles, blush fading away, and speeds up a little. Just when Starr thinks things can't get any better, Faris' tape starts playing Watashi-tachi ni Naritakute. "Okay, THIS I know the words to." Starr begins to sing, "Love brings a lonely lonely heart--" "Hey, that's not it." Faris raises her eyebrows. "I know. I can't sing Japanese at all, and I don't want to destroy the song, so I, being the psycho I am, wrote my own words." She goes on: "Right at your side I'm always standing here Secretly hoping that you really do care But you say nothing to me, You look right though me And it is just as though I'm not even there I don't know why I always fall in love These lovely dreams of you won't go away But even if I'm all by myself, I still have faith that you'll love me someday." "Cute!" Jessie says, smiling and leaning over the seat. "I got a copy of the original lyrics that listed a translation, so I based my insane little version on that," Starr grins. "I like it." She grins at James, making exaggerated moony eyes and fluttering her eyelashes. "How romantic.... That could be yours and Faris' special song...." Faris turns to James. "James, hit her for me, I'm busy." "I can't hit a girl!" James protests. "I can!" Starr turns around, grinning evilly. Poor Meowth, who's just woken up, finds himself smacked repeatedly against Jessie's head until he makes a big enough dent in the gel to actually knock her out. "Although that was kind of funny," Starr adds as an afterthought. Faris flicks her on the ear. "OW! THAT'S CHEATING!!!" Starr screeches. "I'm a villain, I'm allowed to cheat." "Oh, you suck." Starr makes a face, looks out the window, and yells again. "YAIYA!!!!!" "What the hell is YAIYA?" Faris demands. "My little word that I cheer with," Starr replies cheerily. "It's five miles to Pallet, by the way. Oh, we're off to see the lizard..." "Starr, listen to me. You must lay off the Skittles. You are beginning to disturb me, and believe me, that is a very big step since it takes a great deal to disturb me," Faris says solemnly. "Okay!" Starr says even more cheerily. Finally, just when Jessie has woken up and she and James have begun a steady chant of "Are we there yet?" Faris brings the minivan to a stop by the side of the road. "Here we are, Pallet Town!" Starr leaps out the door, oblivious to Raichu, who dives for his life. "I have to phone Kenji and Alex to tell them I'm back." She pulls out her PHS and hits speed-dial. When someone picks up, Starr replies, "Yaiya!" Faris shakes her head. "I can tell that with all this reminiscing, we aren't going to be paying much attention to the mission." "Sorry...." Starr says sheepishly. Faris shrugs. "Don't be. I'll be the same way when I see my friends." "Will you introduce me to them?" James asks. "James, they'll scare you," Faris says seriously. Starr nods. "As will Kenji, Jason and Alex." Someone on the other end of the PHS says, "Oh, leave me alone." "Oh, give me a break, Kenji." Starr rolls her eyes. "You know damn well you're going to try and freak them out on purpose." "True, true." "Are you and Alex and Jason doing anything this afternoon, though? I don't want to interrupt anything." There's a ruckus on the other end, with Kenji yelling, "Give me that damn thing!" and Jason laughing maniacally, then Jason yells, "WE NEVER DO ANYTHING TODAY!!!!" Kenji gets the PHS back and says, "What he said." More ruckus, then Alex says, "HURRY UP, I MISS YOU!!!" "ALEX, YOU FREAK!" Starr laughs. "I'll see you in a while." She hangs up. While Starr was on the phone, Faris has been drawing something on a piece of paper. "Starr, we're going to need someplace to stay tonight," she says mid-doodle. "Follow the directions on this map, it gives directions to my Aunt Lenna's--actually it's my place now, but whatever." She hands the map to Starr, who stashes it in her pocket. "Now, there's just one thing I have to do before we go visit anyone." "And that is?" Jessie inquires. Ash sighs, exceedingly depressed. His mom is out on vacation, so he, Misty and Brock have no place to stay until the ferry to Cinnabar leave tomorrow. They could camp, but anytime he's mentioned that, Misty clobbers him, so he's decided to keep his mouth shut about that alternative, though he can't see any other solution to the problem. Just when things are looking very hopeless and another bash in the head from Misty seems inevitable, Pikachu jumps up, waving cheerfully at someone. "Pika pi~~~~~~~!" "Bri?" Togepi looks up from Misty's lap, then jumps to its tiny feet. "Togebrriiii!!" "Togebri?" Ash blinks, then looks up and sees a familiar face--the red-haired Team Rocket member, Starr. Starr grins at Pikachu, then turns to her friend--a familiar girl with lavender hair--and says, "All right, Faris, admit it, you're psychic." "Faris?" Ash looks hard at he girl with lavender hair and suddenly recognizes her. "I thought your name was Sami Hill--you're the one who beat Charizard!" Brock klunks Ash on the head. "Don't be stupid!" he yells. "Faris is the niece of Lenna Inverse, the most famous Pokémon breeder ever!" He then jumps up, holding Faris' hand and saying, "Sorry about my friend--he mistook you for someone else." She smirks, pulling her hand away. "Actually, no; Sami Hill is my alias." Brock crashes to the ground as Ash says, "Hey, wait...I've heard of Lenna...but if you're related to her, how come you're in Team Rocket?" "Long story," Faris replies. "So, what are you doing hanging around in the park? Don't you live here?" "His mom isn't home, so we have no place to stay!" Misty sniffles. "I'm so tired of camping..." Faris shrugs. "No big. If you want, you can stay at my place." Ash blinks. "Really?" "You hardly even know us, though!" Misty says, surprised. Faris shrugs. "It wouldn't be right to leave you with no place to stay. It's no trouble at all. Lenna's house is huge. There'll be more than enough room for all of us." "Thanks!" Misty squeals enthusiastically. "Wow, finally, I'll get to sleep in a real bed..." Starr smiles at Misty's starry-eyed expression. Misty notices and blushes. "Ehhee..." Ash thanks Faris, then says, "Oh I almost forgot! I've gotta go see Professor Oak! I haven't talked to him in a while. I wonder how my Krabby and my Muk are doing?" "Professor Oak...now there's someone I haven't heard from in ages..." Faris muses, then turns to Ash. "I'll tell you what...you go with Starr. She has the map to Aunt Lenna's, and though you'll probably end up getting to meet her friends first, I'll be a while anyhow. I'll ask how Krabby and Muk are doing for you, Ash." "Thanks, Faris!" Ash says, smiling. Starr takes out the map. "Oh, I know where this is, I've been near here a few times. That's where I first caught Raichu when he was Pikachu." She looks up. "Misty, Ash, Brock, you don't mind going to meet my friends, do you?" "Do they train Pokémon?" Ash inquires enthusiastically. "What a one-track mind..." Misty sighs. "Toge!" Togepi agrees. Starr nods. "Yeah. Kenji has Onix, Alex has a Vulpix and Jason...hmmm.... Boy, am I out of it, I forget! Well, anyway, we'll see when we get there." Starr begins to head off down the road, with Ash, Misty and Brock close behind her. Jessie looks at Faris as they leave. "Do you really know Professor Oak?" Faris nods slowly. "Yes, Jessie, I know Professor Oak. He researches Pokémon." Jessie, annoyed at Faris talking to her as though she had no mind, says, "I bet he's forgotten your name by now. Even if your mom is Martina Greyweirs, from what I've heard you hardly ever came here! You don't even go to the Summer's Festival!" Faris looks at Jessie sideways. "I do not go to the Summer's Festival because my mother is annoying." Jessie makes a face at her superior. "Yeah, well, even so, I bet Professor Oak forgot your name." James drops his head and pretends he doesn't know who Jessie is until Faris smiles at him. Then he's so happy he forgets where he is and nearly walks into a tree as Faris heads off to Professor Oak's. Faris knocks on the front door on Professor Oak's house, then waits patiently. A moment later, he answers the door. "Yes? May I help you, miss?" he says, giving her a puzzled look. She grins upon seeing the old man again. "Hey, Professor Oak. It's me, Faris. I'm here on vacation." "Faris?" he smiles. "Oh, it's good to see you again! I didn't recognize you at first; it's been so long since your last visit. Please, do come in." She smirks over her shoulder at the astonished Jessie and James, then walks into the professor's house. Jessie places her hands on her hips. "Well, I'll be damned," she mutters. "Let's go, James. We have to hurry if we want to catch up with Starr; otherwise, we'll have to sleep in that horrid mini-van tonight!" "Err...sure," James replies, following his partner. "How have you been these past years, Faris?" Professor Oak asks his visitor. "It's been such a long time." She shrugs. "I've been doing a bit of this, a bit of that. I don't really want to join the Pokémon League yet; I don't want to get tied down yet so early." She stretches and smiles over at him. "Besides, if I were to be the world's best anything, I'd prefer to be the world's best gym leader, not the world's best Pokémon Master. Being a gym leader has a bit more stability." The two of them kneel down at Oak's kitchen mini-table, where a kettle of freshly-made tea is waiting. "Tea, Faris?" he offers. "I've got an extra cup here. "Sure," she replies. He pours the tea, and she continues to talk. "Actually, Professor Oak, I'm not vacationing here; I'm going home to Cinnabar, for the Summer's Festival." Oak glances up at her in surprise. "But Faris, you never go to that festival! You're *famous* for never attending it!" "So what if my mom funds it?" she shrugs. "That doesn't mean I can't go enjoy it one year. Besides, because Martina funds it, I get a discount off everything, which is handy, because I'm bringing a lot of friends this year." She takes her teacup and sips the hot green tea inside. "Oh? You never really made friends very well. It's good to hear you have a lot of them. Could I meet them before you all head to Cinnabar?" Oak queries before he takes a drink of his own tea. "By the way, what are their names?" "Sure," she replies. "They're Starr, Jessie, James, Ash, Misty, and Brock." Oak glances up. "Ash? Do you mean Ash Ketchum? Does he own a Pikachu?" "Yeah. He told me about you, Professor Oak," Faris says. "He asked me to ask you how his Krabby and Muk are doing. "His Krabby is just fine. His Muk... well... I just wish it would behave itself," Oak replies, making a face. "It's asleep now. You were lucky to come when you did. By the way, how did you meet him?" Faris takes another sip. "We met at a Pokémon convention at Topaz City," she replies coolly. "He challenged me to a battle... I won." He chuckles. "Well, I doubt even Gary could beat you, Faris." Faris raises an eyebrow. "You mean that punk grandthing of yours? He's off to be a trainer too?" "Now, Faris," Oak scolds. "Just because he had a nasty temper all the times you babysat him when you were both younger doesn't mean he's like that now. And so far, he's doing quite well; he's caught seventy-nine Pokémon so far, and he recently got his seventh badge. His first Pokémon was Bulbasaur, by the way." "Good for him," she mutters. "He was an ugly, nasty-tempered baby. I liked coming over to your house, Professor Oak, but I hated having to baby-sit that obnoxious little grandson of yours." "Well, he's not so bad now," he counters. "Age does bring maturity, you know." "I can think of a few exceptions," she replies dryly. "So he's on Cinnabar now? Is Gary staying for the Summer's Festival, or is he heading to Viridian for the Earth Badge? Which he won't be able to get anyway, since it's closed to challengers." Oak admits, "Actually, I don't know. I didn't think to ask him." She mutters, "He'd better be moving on. Mature or not, I never want to see that whiny brat again. The Summer's Festival will be bad enough with my parents there; I don't need Gary hanging around too." "You headin' off already, young feller?" a grizzly old dock fisherman asks a kid with spiky brown hair as he casts a line. "Y'only got here t'day." "I've already won the Volcano Badge. There's no need for me to waste my time here," is the boy's reply as he waits for the next boat to the mainland to arrive. "The Summer's Festival is startin' soon, though," the fisherman reminds him, slowly reeling in the line. He waves a hand. "I'm too busy training to become a great Pokémon Master to waste my time with that! Maybe next year, when I'm the best in the world and I have some free time." The fisherman shakes his head. "Y'know, Cinnabar Island is the famous Faris Greyweirs' hometown. She usu'ly don' come to the Festival, but this year might be differnt." "Faris Greyweirs?" the young Pokémon trainer repeats, his ears perking up. "Hasn't she beaten all the gym leaders and received a diploma from Pokémon Tech? I heard she's good enough to become a member of the Elite Four!" The fisherman shrugs. "Dunno 'bout all that," he admits. "I just fish for a livin', I don' min' Pokémon too much. I only know she's a great trainer, and this here island is where she was born. Her mother, Martina Greyweirs, funds the Summer's Festival, so Miz Greyweirs'll prolly be th' first t'know if Faris does decide to show up this year." "Hmmmm..." The young trainer considers this for a moment. "I don't want to fall behind... but, if you're right, and Faris does show up, I could ask her for training tips so I can become the world's greatest. After all, you can't be the best without learning from the best..." "Gary is the best! He faces up the test!" the young trainer's personal fan club cheers. "He'll learn from Faris and beat the rest!" Young Gary Oak smiles. "Yeah...I'll just stick around long enough to see if she does show up. If she shows up, then even if the others have moved on, they won't have the benefit of learning from Faris Greyweirs! And if she doesn't show up, I'll just take the next boat to the mainland!" He slaps the old fisherman on the back in gratitude. "Thanks for the tip, pops! See ya later!" With that, he walks off, his fan club clustering close behind. The old fisherman rubs his chin. "Wunner if he knows Faris's famous fer never comin' to the Summer's Festival..." He shrugs. "Not m' problem. H'learn soon enough, I s'pose. After all, I did tell 'im that Faris don't come to the Festivals of'n." "Oh, he'll probably move on," Oak assures Faris. "Gary never sticks around for very long in a city after he's won a badge." "That's good to hear," she murmurs before taking another drink of green tea. "By the way, Faris, how do you intend to get to Cinnabar?" Oak mentions, finishing his green tea. Faris finishes her tea as well. "I'm heading to Lenna's house, then having the Gyaradoses and Laprases ferry my friends and me across." He frowns. "You're returning to Lenna's house? Are you sure you should do that?" "I can handle it." Faris sets down her cup. "I'm just stopping there for a bit, not for very long. Besides, my friends don't know anything about it." Oak sighs. "Still, Batts knows as much as you about it, and he's closer to you than anyone else, isn't he?" Faris stares down at her knees. "..." Professor Oak sets down his cup and rests his hands in his lap. "Maybe you'd better talk about it now, with someone who's gone through the same pain as you." She nods. "Aunt Lenna was your pupil, wasn't she?" "My very best," he replies, a reminiscent sheen growing on his eyes. "She might have learned more than me eventually, if she hadn't been murdered. Pokémon of all kinds loved her, and even normally vicious and bad-tempered ones quieted down around her. Lenna was gentle with everyone, no matter whom he or she was... she only loved, she never judged. She would have made someone a very happy husband, someday..." Oak sighs. "Maybe that's why her boyfriend seemed to take her death harder than anyone else." Faris glances up at this, surprised. "He did? I never saw him at her funeral..." Oak sighs. "When he learned Lenna had died, he holed himself up inside his gym and refused to talk to anyone. Viridian Gym has been closed to challengers ever since." He shakes his head sadly. "Poor Giovanni... He and Lenna were so happy together." Faris stares at him in shock, mouth slightly agape. 'Gi... Giovanni and Lenna!? Baka na!!! I knew she had a boyfriend, but... Giovanni!?! She'd never associate herself with someone who founded... Team Rocket...' A sickening comprehension dawns on her, and her face blanches slowly. 'Oh god... Lenna couldn't have been in Team Rocket... could she?' Professor Oak notices her ashen face and says, concerned, "Do you feel all right, Faris? You look pale..." She shakes her head numbly. "I think I need to lie down, Professor Oak..." He nods his head sympathetically. "I know all this talk about your aunt is upsetting. There's a couch in the other room; you can rest up on it." Rising without a word, Faris crosses over to the couch and lies down. Some time later, she rises from the couch. Her emotions are still in turmoil, but that doesn't mean she has the liberty of staying here all day. Besides, once she finds her old friends, she'll feel better. "I'd better get going, Professor Oak," she calls to the old Pokémon researcher, wherever he is in the house. "I shouldn't keep my friends waiting." "See you later!" he calls back from the direction of the kitchen. "Come visit anytime!" She slides off the couch, stretches, and leaves. "Ne, so where are they..." Faris murmurs to herself, wandering the semi-busy streets of downtown Pallet. "Jay wasn't home, and neither was Rei... sucks. Guess there's only Ianthe left to visit." She sighs to herself. It's then she notices the local Putt-Putt, a place where people can go to play miniature golf and various arcade games. "Ahh, what the hell. I'll see if House of the Dead and Area 51 are still there. They'd better damn well be." She feels for a $10 bill in her pocket, finds it, and enters. It's exactly as she remembers it, complete with loud people and bright lights and happy feelings and "EVIL MONKEY-MEN!!!!!!!!!" The cry of 'evil monkey-men' snaps Faris' attention over to the direction of where the House of the Dead used to, and still does, reside. Over there is a guy in a jeans jacket and a turned-back baseball cap shooting like mad on whatever's on the screen; next to him is a girl in all black with short, bright red hair. Around them is a sizable crowd, watching them play. Faris grins and trades her $10 for a pocketful of quarters, then sneaks up on them. "Die, evil monkey-men!!! Yeah, take that! How's that feel, you little sunnova bitch!?!?!!?" the guy with the turned-back hat screams at the screen before laughing maniacally. His female friend laughs along with him, shooting at anything nasty-looking that shows up on the screen. However, one of the annoying little bats hits the girl, and she's knocked dead. "Awwww, dammit!" she complains. "I'm all out of quarters too!" "Hi, Rei," Faris smiles from behind her. "Move out of the way, I'm takin' over!" The girl Rei grins. "Faris! Where the hell have you been!? Life in Pallet sucks without you!" The guy looks over at her. "Hey, how ya doin', Faris," he says casually before going back to screaming and blowing the brains out of various nasty things on the screen. "Not bad, Jay," she replies with a smirk, dropping two quarters into the House of the Dead game and taking up the plastic gun. "Let's kick some evil monkey-man ass!!" With that, she joins her friend Jay. Before long, but after several quarters from both of them, Jay and Faris beat the game, again. "Ahhh, nothing like a round of House of the Dead to bring down your stress," Jay says cheerfully. "So, Faris! Where've you been?" He, Faris, and Rei walk out of Putt-Putt. "I'm here on vacation," she replies. "I'm only passing through Pallet, though. I'm heading for Cinnabar, for the Summer's Festival." Jay gives her a look of shock. "No WAY. You never go to that thing! Your mom's on the cover of every porn mag on that island!" Faris laughs; it feels good to talk to Jay again. "Yeah, well, Boss' orders," she shrugs. "I'm supposed to head to Cinnabar Island to steal a crapload of Pokémon as I pretend to be on vacation." She gives the two a sweet, innocent look. "After all, who could imagine sweet, innocent Faris Greyweirs--" Before she can finish her sentence, Jay and Rei bust up laughing. "You're the most evil woman on earth!" Jay says mockingly. "The day you become sweet and innocent is the day Team Rocket takes over the world!" "Oh, you never know," Faris smirks. "Even the seemingly impossible can become possible, under the right circumstances." "So where do you wanna go, Faris?" Rei asks. She turns around and walks beside her two friends. "Let's head to Ianthe's house. It'll be good for the Ecchi Quartet to finally be together again." "Damn straight!" Rei grins. "Bus, train, what?" Faris shrugs. "I've still got plenty of quarters, so let's take the bus. I'll pay for all of us." Jay gives her a disbelieving look. "No catch?" "Who the hell do you think you're talking to!? Of COURSE there's a catch; you have to give me your Charmander!" He snorts. "Fuck that! I'll walk!" Faris grins. "Just kidding. I knew you'd say that." She turns to Rei. "So how've your Ninetales and Rapidash been doing?" Rei shrugs. "Eh, they're all right. Let's go now, okay?" Faris grins. "No prob!" Ianthe is having a conversation with everyone inside her head that's still awake when Rei, Faris, and Jay arrive at her house. "Hi, Ianthe, or whoever's in control!" Rei says cheerfully. "Hi, guys!!" she cheers, getting up. "It's me, Asuka! I've been SO bored, talking to the rest of these idiots! It's great to see you all again! Well, except for you, Jay." "Nice to see you too, Asuka," he replies dryly. "Ne, Asuka-chan!" Faris says cheerfully. "I've got a bunch of friends I'm going to the Summer's Festival with that I'd like you, Jay, and Rei to meet! There's this one guy, James, I just KNOW you'll love to torture... he's just like Shinji, except dumber!" Ianthe/Asuka smirks. "That's hard to believe!" She cracks her knuckles, grinning wickedly. "Let's go meet this wuss friend of yours!!" Her blue eyes switch to purple suddenly, and Ianthe suddenly yells, "ASUKA!! Leave Faris' freakin' friends alone!!!" "Hi, Ianthe," Rei smiles. "Let's go see Faris' psycho new friends!" She turns to her lavender-haired friend. "They are psycho, right?" "VERY psycho." "YoSHA!!" Ianthe cheers. Batts turns his head as Faris, Rei, Jay, and Ianthe approach the minivan he is lying just outside of. She smiles. "Hey, Batts. Can you take us to where Starr went?" he replies. White teleportational light overcomes all of them, including the minivan, and they disappear. James is happily finishing his white freezie on Starr's friend Jason's front porch, much to the amusement of Jessie, Starr and Jason, when Batts, Faris and three of her friends (along with the minivan) appear in the shimmer of white light, signaling Batts has teleported them here. "Hey, Faris! Come, join the insanity. Here, have a freezie." Starr hands Faris a blue freezie. "Who are your friends?" "This is Rei and Jay," Faris says, introducing them. "The girl who's talking to the people inside her head is Ianthe...well, sort of. She may be someone else right now." "Cool. Multiple personalities fit right in here," Alex says. "Are you Ianthe now?" Faris asks. Ianthe nods and greets James-tachi with, "Hi, my name's Ianthe, and--" Suddenly her eyes turn red, and an unnaturally deep voice says, "WELCOME TO YOUR HELL!!!!!" Everyone blinks. Ianthe's eyes turn purple again and she snaps, "Shut up, Satan!!" "Sorry," Ianthe/Satan mutters. "But you NEVER let me greet people!!!" "That's because you're the embodiment of all evil!!!!" "Well, everyone's got their faults..." Jessie and James are holding each other and shivering violently. "She's scaring me, Jessie!!" James wails. Faris says, "Told you they'd scare you, James." "You didn't tell me they were THIS bad!!!" Ianthe smiles. "Well then, you should let everyone ELSE greet them!" "Everyone ELSE!?!?!" Jessie and James exclaim in perfect sync. "Wow, there's more than just Ianthe and Satan?" Jason exclaims. "Kick-ass." James starts crying, waterfalls of tears streaming from his eyes. "I'm scared!!! Really really scared!!!!!" Ianthe's eyes turn sky blue, signaling that one Sohryuu Asuka Langley is now in control. Ianthe/Asuka glares at James and points a finger at him. "You WIMP!! What are you crying like a little girl for!? Grow up and get a spine!!" She smacks him, to make her point extra-clear. Jessie exclaims, "HEY!" and jumps to her feet. Pointing at Ianthe/Asuka, she growls, "Listen, girl, I don't care WHO you are, you leave him alone!" Ianthe/Asuka retorts, "What are you standing up for a wuss like him for?" Jessie blinks. A few moments of silence go by. Finally she replies, "To tell you the truth, I don't really know..." Ianthe/Asuka smirks mischievously. "I bet you've been riding his baloney pony!!" Jessie leaps about eight feet in the air, coming down with tiny fangs and screeching, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Ianthe's eyes turn green, signalling that Ohtori Akio is now in control, and s/he says smoothly, "Please forgive her, miss. Asuka is very bad-tempered." Taking a step forward, s/he goes on, "...and is always extremely jealous of great beauties like yourself." Jessie's eyes bug out slightly. Faris snickers. "Feel special, Jessie... you're yet another girl that Akio wants to get in his pants." Jessie turns a fascinating shade of vibrant crimson. "You shut up!!" Ianthe/Akio turns on the (*ahem*) charm even more. "I can tell just by looking at you that you're going to be a wild one..." S/he draws closer, going on, "Care to have a little dinner-and-dessert in bed?" Jessie twitches slightly, her face growing redder by the second. Suddenly Ianthe/Akio becomes Ianthe/Kunou. Now with brown eyes, she declares, "Silence, knave!! How dare you speak to such a lovely young lady in such vile terms!" With a sweeping bow, s/he takes Jessie's hand, murmuring, "Ahh, my redheaded goddess... you've captured my heart... I love you! I would date with you!" Jessie twitches once more, then starts screaming. "NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" She turns to run away and gets about five feet before she slams into a tree and falls to the ground, knocked out cold. James stares at her cluelessly. Ianthe's eyes go green again. As Akio, she pouts. "Oh, wonderful. You scared her off." Then s/he sees James. Quickly snapping out of the deep blue funk, s/he says suavely, "HEL-loooo...." James looks around wildly and freezes in panic when he realizes Ianthe's talking to him. He just stands there wide-eyed and shivering as Ianthe walks up and kneels in front of him face-to-face. "Aren't YOU a pretty one..." Ianthe/Akio says. James acquires a frankly immense sweatdrop and utters, "Uhh... uhhhh...." Akio runs a hand through James's hair. "Mmmm... you've got nice, silky hair..." Then, much to James's concern/absolute panic, s/he puts his face close to his. "You have a beautiful face, you know that? As beautiful as Utena's..." "Okay, that's enough of that." Faris strides over and bestows upon Akio the dreaded Whappies From Hell™. "Akio, get away from James." Ianthe's eyes turn sea blue. As Kaioh Michiru, she stands and says, "Akio is disgusting. I apologize for what he said to you, James. James looks rather dazed. His mouth opens and closes for a bit. Finally he manages, "Uhhhh..." Michiru laughs. "Ara, looks like Akio was too much for him to handle." Rei rolls her eyes. "He's like that." Jason picks up a stick and pokes Jessie's hair with it. The stick promptly snaps in half. Jason blinks a few times. "Damn." Starr rolls her eyes, states, "I'm used to this," and calmly empties the contents of a freezie wrapper onto Jessie. Seeing as the temperature of the freezie is around that of liquid nitrogen (Kenji and Jason's freezer is presently broken), Jessie immediately wakes up. "WHO DID THAT??????" she demands. Starr raises her hand. Jessie growls for a second, but soon calms down at the sight of Ianthe talking to everyone inside her head again. She inches away, then says, "So, where are we going to stay tonight?" Faris blinks, then says slowly, "I already TOLD you, my aunt Lenna's house, which is just south of here. Before we go, though, we'll have to pick up some groceries. The only people who go there are the people who go over every once in a while to keep the place in shape, and I doubt they do grocery shopping. Technically, nobody's lived at Aunt Lenna's place for a long time..." Mid-sentence, Faris' voice becomes slightly distant. Starr notices this and wonders why. She isn't able to dismiss it as 'Just Nothing'. 'Maybe later I'll ask Faris what's up...' "I STILL don't see why the twerps had to come!" Jessie complains, balancing two large-size bottles of Coke as Ash charges off to retrieve a frozen pizza, nearly bowling her over in the process. When he returns with it, he repeats this act and hands the pizza off to Starr. "I have a feeling we shouldn't have given you sugar," Starr comments. "The 'twerps' are coming along because I want them to, Jessie," Faris tells her smoothly. "If you don't like it, you can always hitchhike back to Viridian." Jessie visualizes the Boss' reaction when she comes back empty-handed and alone, and cringes. "I hate being your subordinate." Ash shrugs, not knowing the definition of 'subordinate' (Faris herself is mildly surprised that Jessie used it in context), then turns to Faris with a puzzled look on his face. "I've been meaning to ask something...I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything, but how come you're being so nice to us? I always thought Team Rocket members were all jerks." "Oh, thanks a lot." Starr makes a face. Brock whaps Ash twice. "Don't talk about them like that!" Ash grumbles and rubs his head, then goes on, "But you and Starr both seem really nice. What made you join Team Rocket, anyway?" Starr looks over at the drooling Brock, turns red, and shakes her head. Brock is still smitten with both her and Faris, despite being aware of the fact that they're in Team Rocket. Faris seems unperturbed by both the Whappies and Ash's question. Looking at him, she replies, "I'll tell you later, if you want. The middle of a busy supermarket isn't exactly the greatest place for a private conversation." "Oh..." is Ash's only answer to that. The awkward silence is broken by a question from James. "Don't they have seafood pizza?" "Why, you like seafood?" Starr asks. Faris acquires an evil grin. "He likes shrimp." James looks over at her and blinks, lower lip sticking out. He senses he's being made fun of but can't quite grasp the concept of the humour. "What? Of course I like shrimp." "Shrimp is good with white sauce," Jessie puts in. With this she, Faris and Starr all begin snickering uncontrollably. Brock looks a little put off. "What are they talking about seafood for?" Ash asks Brock, puzzled. Brock doesn't answer. "James, do you like shrimp with white sauce?" Starr asks, a wicked smirk painted on her face. "You mean tartar sauce? Of course!" James smiles, thinking he's finally clued in. Faris, Jessie and Starr only laugh harder. James scratches his head. "How can such pretty girls know such gross humour...?" Brock wonders as they pass the fruit display. Raichu swallows an apple whole, then looks innocent. "Pop a cherry," Faris remarks. "Mixed nuts," Starr adds. "Fruit salad," Jessie grins evilly. "That's what James is," Faris puts in, getting a laugh from both girls. Brock is gradually blushing redder and redder, and James continues to look clueless and confused. Ash and Misty regard the former with interest. "Weird. I didn't see any girls go by," Misty finally says. Finally, the grocery run/sick joke competition ends. Faris and the others load all the groceries into the back of the minivan and drive off, heading for Lenna's house. Once in the car, Ash says, "So...why?" Faris asks without turning to him, since she is driving, "Why what?" "Why'd you join Team Rocket?" Faris thinks for a bit, then replies, "I joined because I didn't really know what to do with my life." Ash looks slightly doubtful about this. Misty notices and points out, "Well, if you were as good at so many things, you'd be the same way! If she competed at the Pokémon League championships, she'd probably be declared the best Pokémon Master in the world!" "HEY!" Ash says indignantly. "What? It's true!" Faris ends the argument before it can start by saying calmly, "I don't want to be the best Pokémon Master in the world, because then everyone else would challenge me to take my place. Plus," she adds with a faint grin, "you don't get paid for being a Pokémon Master. I'd rather be gym leader, because then at least if I'm constantly battling I'll get paid." Ash snorts. "Just like a Team Rocket member. Always thinking about cash." Faris awards his comment with a cold glare. "You can't live without money to buy food and other supplies with. I'd like to see you end up to be the world's greatest Pokémon Master with no cash." Ash looks thoughtful. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Sorry." Starr grins. "Cash is good. Cash is always very good. Like when James is cross-dressing. You can whip a penny at his head." Faris promptly busts up laughing. "HEY!" James wails. Faris grins, saying, "Give James a break, Starr. You have to admit, he looks awfully cute in a skirt." Starr nods. "But you have to admit it's scary that his legs look exactly the same as Jessie's when he's wearing a really short skirt." Meowth, meanwhile, is tunneling under the seat. "What are you doing?" Misty asks, looking down at him. "Looking for that penny. I like shiny things," Meowth replies. Starr sweatdrops. "It was a hypothetical penny." Meowth emerges, looking pissed off. "Hypothetical? What good is that?!" Faris starts laughing all over again. "You can use a hypothetical penny to squish James' hypothetical brain." "You're mean!" James whines. "Damn straight!" Faris returns. "But using a penny would be pointless overkill," Starr protests. "All you need is to direct a well-aimed small molecule at James' brain to squish it." Faris snickers. "Yeah, you could flick air at him and he'd crash to the ground, whining from the pain." Brock raises his hand. "Uh, just one question before we stray from the topic any further?" "Yes, Brock-kun?" Faris replies. Brock looks pleased at being called '-kun' and goes on, "You said you wanted to be a gym leader, right?" Faris shakes her head. "I didn't say that. I said I'd rather be a gym leader than a Pokémon master." Then she looks thoughtful and adds, "But...yeah, I'd like to be a gym leader; I think I'd make a good one." Starr nods. "Of course you would. I mean, take a look at Usa-chan clobbering Weezing." James sniffles. "That's a painful memory." "Oh, shut up, you," Faris says. "Besides, that wasn't even a tough win! You could flick air at Weezing and it'd faint." Ash laughs. "I can see that happening!" "Shut up!" James snaps, clobbering Ash. Starr blinks. "What is with all this talk of flicking air?" Faris shrugs. "It seems a reasonably pathetic comparison." Starr grins. "Hee hee. I'm such an obsessive freak. Whenever anyone says 'pathetic' it reminds me of Sephiroth's description of Cloud." "Sephiroth...?" James muses. "Oh, you mean that guy you thought I was that time--EEEEE!" Starr has collared James. She growls, "Ix-nay." Faris grins. "You thought James was Sephiroth?" Starr drops James and sighs. "Well, I have a hyper, obsessive imagination, and when someone wearing black gloves grabs my shoulder whilst I am playing Final Fantasy VII, I don't exactly think." Faris begins to snicker. "You thought *James* was *Sephiroth*? James, who shaves his legs?" Brock looks disgustedly at James. "You shave your legs??" "I DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" James snarls, only inches short of flame mode. Faris nods patronizingly, smirking. "Yes, that explains why they're so silky smooth." "And you would know his legs are silky smooth because....?" Starr raises her eyebrows. Jessie begins giggling insanely. Faris elbows her. "Shut up, you." Jessie only giggles more. "Looks like Faris and James are having a lover's quarrel...." Faris smiles sweetly into the mirror. "Misty, be a dear and clobber her." "With pleasure!" Misty replies cheerfully, whapping Jessie. There's a hollow knocking noise and Jessie smiles proudly. "See, wearing so much gel can come in handy sometimes!" she explains as Misty rubs her sore hand. "Pi pikachu!" Pikachu contradicts, promptly pulling a bucket of ice water from the void and dumping it over Jessie's head. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Jessie screams. Whilst the chaos is ensuing, Brock leans forward and says to Faris, "Y'know, I'm a former gym leader....if you want, the two of us could have dinner together and talk about it!" "Are you trying to hit on me?" Faris says. Brock reddens. "Uh..." Faris replies, "I'll talk to you about being a gym leader, but I'm only having dinner with you if it's casual and with everyone else." Brock hangs his head. Guessing this is as good as it's going to get, he agrees. "It's okay, Brock," Starr reassures him. "You'll find the right person someday." Brock immediately turns his attention to Starr. "Care to help me find her? ...Or maybe she's talking to me right now!" Starr drops her head. "Be thankful I don't know the Giga Slave." Faris comments, "Don't you think the Giga Slave is a little bit overkill? A good Fireball would do just as well, and a Fireball wouldn't accidentally return the world to a void of nothingness in the process." "And here I was preaching about overkill. Fire is good. Fire is always good." "If you wanted to do some Big-Ass damage, a Dil Brand would do as well," she adds. Jessie, now peeved at being soaking wet and unable to find her gel, cracks, "I thought you loved James, so why are you giving her suggestions how to kill him? Is he too annoying for you already? If you can't take it--" Without warning, Faris floors it, then screeches the mini-van to a halt. Snapping into flame mode, she says in a voice that would make Luna Inverse back away, "DON'T PISS OFF THE DRIVER." Jessie shrinks away, then says in a teeny voice, "yes'm." That taken care of, Faris pops in another tape of anime songs. Ending Theme: Amour Sonnet NOTES FOR EPISODE III of TOUCH AND GO: Going in order of what shows up first... - The song that Faris sings is called Cyborg Mermaid, and is from the anime GUNNM (Battle Angel [Alita]). It's one of my personal favorite songs, and is hauntingly beautiful. - Watashi-tachi ni Naritakute is the first ending theme of the fourth season of Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon. It's slow and rather romantic, with a touch of sadness; the season's name is Sailormoon SuperS ("supers", as in more than one senshi is "super"). - The song Starr is singing is lines from the CD-length version of the ED for TaG, "Amour Sonnet". - "I can think of a few exceptions," she replies dryly. Faris is referring to Jessie and James when she says this. - Sohryuu Asuka Langley is from Shinseiki Evangelion. She's the redheaded, bad-tempered, extremely bitchy pilot of Eva Unit 02. - Ohtori Akio is from Shoujo Kakumei Utena. He's the dean of Ohtori Gakuen, the school where all the main characters go, and is the older brother of Himemiya Anthy, one of the two MAIN main characters (the other is Tenjou Utena, for whom the series is named). He's also an exceedingly horny thing-- he'll sleep with anything that moves, with the exception of Kiryuu Nanami >;ţ - Kunou is Kunou Tatewaki of Ranma 1/2. Kunou's just funny. ^_^ That one segment of him talking pretty much sums up his entire personality. Except for the part that hates Ranma. Oh well. - Kaioh Michiru is Sailorneptune of Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon fame. ^_^ She's an Outer Senshi, and is very beautiful and elegant. - Don't even ask about all those sick jokes. ^_________________^ - Giga Slave, Fireball, and Dil Brand are all spells from the anime series Slayers. Giga Slave is the most powerful attack spell in the entire series; it summons power from the Lord of Nightmares, and if it's cast incorrectly, it can "return the world to a void of nothingness", as Shilfiel put it. Fireball is Lina's favorite spell in the TV series, and Dil Brand is her favorite spell in the OAV series. ^_^ - Luna Inverse, also from Slayers, is Lina Inverse's older sister. Lina is known as the dragon-spooker... Luna's known as the Lina-spooker. That kind of says it all.