Wednesday 8th September 1999
Pornography and in particular x-rated videos are an entity I don't quite understand. I've watched them and from what I can gather they all follow a similar plot. There are girls : big hair, big breasts, long legs and pubic hair in a fashion that nature didn't create. There are guys: average bodies, approaching 40, names like, 'Chip' and deep voices that are somehow only capable of forming sentences like, "you want some of this?", "how does this feel?" and "can I cum on your tits?".
These corny lines and even cornier acting are topped off by sex scenes set to repetitively crappy music. All the women leave their high heels on during sex, most of them forget to put their underwear on in the morning and they can all contort their bodies into positions uncomprehensible to mere mortals.
The women in the movie are usually unbeknownst to each other sleeping with the same man. Which can conveniently lead to the gratuitous threesome (when they realise they've always wanted to try it but never had the opportunity to until now) or lesbian sex scene (if the girls dump the guy and realise they've discovered something heterosexuals are missing out on).
As sexy and erotically enticing as all of this seems, try as I might I can't get turned on by the whole experience. Watching porn with friends is a loss as embarrassing or even validated laughter tends to kill the mood, especially when it's 1 in the morning and we've got the volume turned down pretending we're watching music video in case my parents wake up.
The closest that I came to actually enjoying the experience was whilst watching with a current love interest. He was getting rather turned on and through a haze of moans, gasps and "suck my cock" we almost had sex.
Until I realised that the only reason that he was turned on was because he was watching the video. Hence the only reason he wanted to have sex was because he was watching sex, nothing to do with the notion that I might turn him on. Had I not been there I'd say his right hand would have done the job just as well (almost as well).
So with bitter disappointment I admit defeat and conclude that pornography is not aimed at women viewers. There may be some women who get off on seeing their own gender objectified, but for most of us the movies are just a patrionic fantasy. I'm uncomfortable saying 'tit' or 'cock' out loud, I can't quite put my legs behind my ears and I can foresee the possible dangers of leaving my high heels on during sex.
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