Jem'n'I
                 Part IV
                 By Paul
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
   Everything had happened so fast.  In one day, my whole world turned
upside down.  Everyone at school suddenly knew I was gay and I had an
entire school year of unexpected problems--and fun--to look forward to. 
The biggest surprise, I think, was Jem deciding he was cool with people
knowing he was gay.  He had always been so closed.  I guess anybody can
change.

   "Well if it ain't the class queer," commented a football player seated
in my first period English class.  It was impossible to reach my seat
without passing his, so I soon realized I'd be faced daily with his
comments.

   "Eew!  Where?" I said loudly, jumping as though someone had screamed
"rat!"  The people in the class that were close enough to hear erupted in
laughter.  I thought it was funny, but not that funny.  The guy who had
made the comment turned away in disgust and I proceeded to walk to my seat.

   Rebecca Kain took her seat next to my left and set her bag on the
ground.  I felt a bit lonely in the back of the room with nobody sitting in
front of me, Rebecca on my left, and Jem absent from his seat on my right.

   "Heya, Ben," Rebecca said.  I hadn't expected her to talk to me.  The
loneliness began to fade as she started talking, but not much.  I wasn't
completely comfortable talking to girls.  Not yet.

   "How was your first week of school?" I asked.  There were still two
minutes before the bell rang to begin class so I figured I might as well
make small talk.

   "Pretty good.  How was your weekend?"  Rebecca was also interested in
small talk.  That was a good sign.  It was Monday morning and talking was
the only way we'd ever be able to stay awake.

   "Pretty good," I replied.
   
   "Did you have sex?" Rebecca asked.  She was curious, I'll give her that
much, but she was asking very questions.  I decided it would be best to
dodge the question.

   "Why do you assume gay guys have sex all the time?" I asked.  My
phrasing could have been better, I think she caught my attempt to get
around her question.

   "You're changing the subject.  I figured since guys always want sex but
don't get it because of their girlfriends, gays must have sex all the time. 
So, did you or not?"  She was certainly demanding.  And maybe her logic had
some reason..  But she'd called my bluff.  At that point, telling her it
was none of her business wouldn't have stopped her because she'd have
jumped to conclusions.  The only remaining question: should I lie?

   "Well, promise not to tell anyone?" I asked coyly.
   
   "Yes!  I want to know," she said.
   
   "Well, if you must know.." I paused, "I did."
   
   Rebecca's next question is, as you may have guessed, "Who?"
   
   My eyes shifted from side to side and I leaned closer to Rebecca and
whispered "Jem Little."

   "Oh," she said in dismay.  Girls had always been all over Jem.  His
short blonde hair and hazel eyes combined with his light bronze skin drove
them all wild and I'm sure his deep, soft voice hadn't helped much.

   "Oh?" I asked.  That wasn't what I'd expected.
   
   "Oh, well, I've had a crush on him for a while now and now I'm, well,
jealous," she admitted.  Jealous.. of me?  Wow!  I was suddenly very
thrilled.  Nobody had ever been jealous of me before.

   "I'm sorry.  We can change the subject," I offered.  I didn't really
want to change the subject, I liked the thought of having something she
didn't.  I can't really say why, but it was empowering.

   "Sure.  You know who's really cute?" Rebecca asked.  That was a total
surprise.  She'd gone from being jealous of my boyfriend to talking to me
about cute guys.

   "Daffy Duck," I responded sharply.  She smiled.
   
   "No, Bobby Sinclair," Rebecca snickered.
   
   "The green guy from 'Dinosaurs?'" I asked with a facade of surprise.
   
   "No!  The guy from the football team!" she shouted.  It was a bit louder
than she'd intended it to be and heads turned.  I knew who she was talking
about and was ready to respond when the bell rang to begin class.



   Jem didn't show up for school.  He had ditched before, but never without
telling me first.  He always gave me a ride home after school, but when
2:30 rolled around, his car was nowhere to be seen.

   Thinking Jem must be ill and missed the chance to call and inform me of
that, I walked back to the pay phone to call my father.  I lifted the phone
and tapped the first two buttons of my telephone number and looked up
sharply.

   I dropped the phone without thinking about it and walked out of the
school gate.  It was a short, hot walk to a small wash just north of the
campus.  For those of you who don't know what a wash is, it's a river-like
canal designed for water to flow through during rainy seasons.  In Tucson,
Arizona, the washes are dry 99% of the year.

   As small children, Jem and I had played in the wash parallel to Camino
Seco.  The portion the ran under Speedway contained four long tunnels
perfect for places to hide and play games.  As teenagers, Jem and I
frequently used the washes as places to play more adult games during the
day when our parents were at home.

   I don't know what drew me there that day, it just suddenly occurred to
me that if Jem was anywhere, that's where he must be.  I was right.  He was
in the western tunnel, a favorite spot.

   "Jem?" I questioned as I approached him.  He was sitting with his arms
folded over his raised knees and was resting his head in a disturbed
manner.

   "Yeah," he said in a sobbing voice.  Something was wrong.  I knew that
long before I arrived.  But what?

   "You wanna tell me what's wrong?" I asked, sitting next to him.  He
looked up at me and even in the dim light of the covered tunnel, I could
see distinct bruises on his face.

   "You guessed where I was, I bet you can guess on this one," he said.  I
could.  Jem's father was always a little abusive, especially when he was
drunk.  He had been good about it lately.  He wouldn't hit Jem unless..

   "You told him?" I asked, not believing it even as I suggested it.
   
   "No.  He was looking through my room and found some magazines with the
condoms under my bed," Jem sobbed.  He dropped his head down again and
sniffled pitifully.  He wanted sympathy, I think.

   "Oh.  And then he got drunk and hit you?" I completed.  It was a classic
story when it came to Jem's dad.  I'd heard it dozens of times.

   "Yeah," Jem mumbled.  I put an arm around him and pulled him closer. 
And we cried together.



   "Hey, Ben," my dad said when he heard the door open behind him.  He
turned to ask me why I was so late getting home and saw Jem standing next
to me.  "Not again."

   "Yeah.  Again," I said.  It wasn't the first time I'd brought Jem home
with a few bruises.  Why we hadn't done anything about it I wasn't sure. 
It had never occurred to us that we could do anything.

   "Have a seat," he instructed, finding a chair at the table.  We all sat. 
Jem looked far worse in good light than he had in the dark wash.  It had
never looked so bad.

   "Do you know why he hit you this time?" Dad asked.  He was already
furious and made no attempt to hide that.  Mr. Little always had an
attitude and our fathers clashed on more than one occasion.

   "Yeah," Jem said softly.  He was looking down, not wanting to
acknowledge either of us in his battered state.

   "I could deal with this a little better if you'd tell me," Dad said.  He
was going to get demanding, I realized.  I wanted to pick a good time to
tell my dad I like guys.  It would have been nice to be able to pick a time
for it.

   "Because I'm gay," Jem said.  He just said it.  He didn't build up to it
or allude to it or even dodge it.  It was different to say it to Ryan
Zimmerman or someone at school.  This time he was saying it to my father
and neither of us knew what to expect.

   I sat there for what could have been an eternity -- or a few seconds --
waiting for a response.  I knew he'd put two and two together and figure
things out.  I watched for some indication of what he was thinking.  Again,
an eternity passed.

   My father, Jeffrey MacArthur, blinked twice and looked over to me.  His
left eyebrow crooked slightly as if he had suddenly realized something that
wasn't apparent to him before.  And he looked at me.

   I moistened my suddenly dry lips with the end of my tongue and opened my
mouth as if to speak.  Finding no words to give, I closed my mouth and
simply nodded.  It only took a nod.



   "You told him?" Jay asked in disbelief.  It was long after dinner and
Jem, Jay and I were sitting in a small circle in Jay's bedroom.

   "In less words, yeah," I answered.  I was still having trouble believing
it myself.  Jay had asked why Dad was acting so different tonight.

   "Man, I figured he was just mad at Jem's dad," Jay said.  Mad was the
wrong word, Dad had been in a more ponderous mood.  He had a lot of
thinking to do, I guess.

   "I don't think he was mad about Ben or anything, your dad is cooler than
you think," Jem offered.  He was probably right, but I refused to refer to
my father as "cool".

   "He certainly didn't say much tonight," Jay commented.  And he was
right.  Dad had mostly just gone about his business quietly.

   "He has a lot to think about.  And we didn't even mention you," I
replied sharply.  Jay got the hint: it had been a long day and the last
thing we wanted to think about was our parents.

   Jem leaned back into his bean-bag seat and unfolded his legs.  His face
was looking worse than before, but not too much worse.  The wounds were
superficial and would heal.  I looked at him with real thought, something I
didn't usually do.

   Jeremiah David Little.  As he sat there in his cutoff jeans and bare
chest, he seemed less like a boy and more like a god to me.  That's what I
thought at the moment, anyway.  He had in front of him the most painful
situation he'd ever faced and he didn't show it.  Sure his face was more
thoughtful than usual, too, but he was the same person.  He could take the
pain and agony of the situation.  Maybe he wasn't a god after all.  Just a
man.

   And Jay, little Jay.  I turned my eyes to him, resting against his bed. 
He wasn't so little any more, but I never noticed him grow.  He was almost
as tall as I was then.  He'd be fourteen in another couple months.  I
hadn't noticed it before, but he did look a lot like me.  His eyes were
more of a soft hazel, though.  I envied him.  He got all the good genes.

   "You gonna tell Dad?" I asked him suddenly.  We'd all been quiet for a
couple minutes, mostly just thinking.  It had suddenly occurred to me once
again that our father was totally unaware of Jay's own sexual preference. 
He could probably assume, but nothing more.

   "Tell Dad what?" Jay asked in response.  He looked up at me quickly as
he spoke.  He had been examining a piece of string in great detail and my
sudden inquiry interrupted his thought process.

   "That you're.. you know.." Jem replied as if he'd read my mind.  In a
lot of ways we thought alike, having known each other for so many years. 
Jay looked back down to his string and thought for a moment.

   "Not yet.  One problem at a time, right?  And if he kicks you out of the
house, I'll never tell him," Jay joked.  I didn't think it was very funny,
but what are little brothers for if they aren't around to bug you?

   "Not funny," Jem said.  Jay humbly apologized and sat up.  He crossed
his legs and leaned forward.

   "So, when was the first time you two.. you know.." he asked curiously. 
I looked over at Jem and smiled.

   "Isn't that a little personal?" I replied.
   
   "When we were twelve or so," Jem shot back quickly.  I hit him lightly
in the arm and glared at him.  I had wanted to taunt Jay for a while before
answering his questions.  Jay looked at me and smirked mischievously.

   "What about you and Shawn?" I asked.  If Jay was going to ask personal
questions, I might as well, too.

   "Geez, we must have been like ten," Jay replied.  I almost spilled my
Pepsi.  Jem laughed a bit when he saw my reaction.

   "You guys use condoms?" I asked.  I wasn't really concerned much, my
brother usually had some good sense.

   "No.  It'd just be a waste of money.  I figure if I drink his cum and
all, after four years it doesn't matter whether or not we use condoms.  And
it's not like we sleep around with other people," Jay said in great detail. 
In some ways, he had a point.  Jem and I had just always used condoms
because everyone emphasized it and we figured it was safe, but Jay was
right.  After at least four years, if either of us had any kind of disease,
we'd already transferred it and the condoms were probably a waste of time. 
And like Jay had said, it's not like we sleep around.

   "I guess you're right," I said after some thought.
   
   "You use 'em, then?" Jay asked with some degree of certainty.
   
   "Yeah," Jem replied.  "Always have."
   
   "Doesn't that cost a lot?" Jay asked.
   
   "Five-finger discount," Jem explained.  He waved his fingers in
demonstration.  Jay nodded, understanding.

   The conversation extended for well over an hour, mostly just talking
about life.  I'd never talked in such detail with my brother, but some
aspects of the last few weeks had brought things into perspective.  The
three of us could have talked for days, but my father reminded us that
there would be school in the morning and instructed us to go to sleep.

   "I dunno how to thank you guys," Jem said to me once my bedroom light
was out.  It was dark and he sounded so far away, even if he was laying
next to me.

   "For what?" I asked, forgetting the situation entirely.
   
   "For letting me stay here," Jem replied.  He sighed.
   
   "It isn't the first time and at the rate your dad's going, it won't be
the last," I answered.

   "You remember the first time?"
   
   "Yeah."
   
   "I came over here in the middle of that rainstorm with a bloody lip and
a black eye."

   "Yeah, and I asked you if you lost a bet.  It was kinda funny.  I didn't
know you were crying because of the rain."

   "And your mom ran me a warm bath and insisted I stay the night."
   
   "Yeah."
   
   "Ben, I love you," Jem said.  He had never actually said that to me.  At
one point, it had been idle sex between us.  Things had evolved to the
point where there was more than just the sex itself, but never had either
of us said "I love you."  Why?  Maybe it never occurred to us that we
should say it.  Or maybe we never thought it.  It didn't matter then.  I
turned to Jem and pressed my lips to his.  As his mouth warmed mine, I
began to wonder: What will tomorrow hold?



   2:30 p.m.  Sahuaro High School, Tucson, Arizona.
   
   "Could the day have been any worse?" Jem asked as we walked toward the
parking lot.

   "That bad, eh?" I asked.  Jem looked up at me and frowned.  He was the
only person I'd ever though was cute when frowning.  I smiled.

   "I don't think a single person failed to ask about the bruises," Jem
grumbled.  He hadn't wanted to talk about it and from what I heard, just
made excuses.  I couldn't blame him.  We stopped at the curb for a minute
and looked around.

   "Hey, Ben," came a voice from behind.  Jem and I spun in unison to greet
the unfamiliar voice.

   "Uh, yeah?" I said, recognizing the face of a guy from my math class. 
I'd never actually talked with him.

   "You need a ride home?" he asked.  The pieces weren't all there.  A guy
whose name I didn't even know was offering me a ride home.  Well, I'm not
one to pass up a chance to avoid walking home under the Arizona sun.  I'm
also not one to take rides from strangers.

   "Do I know you?" I asked in response.  He seemed a bit hurt.
   
   "Sam Davey, from geometry," he introduced.  Sam is a nice name.  I
always liked it.  It suited him well.  Sam was tall with soft brown hair
that fell wildly from the center of his head.  His eyes matched his hair
perfectly in tone and beauty and his skin was flawless.  He was clad in a
pair of Levis and a white undershirt.  It wasn't much of a fashion
statement, but he made it look good.

   "Nice to meet you.  A ride home would be nice.  You got room for two?" I
asked.  He nodded and led us to his truck.  It was an ugly old Ford, but it
was a ride nonetheless.

   We were silent for about half of the trip home, with the exception of
directions on how to get to my house.  Then, out of nowhere, Sam spoke.

   "I was wondering if you could give me a little advice," he said softly. 
It took me a minute to figure out what he said.  Even sitting two inches
away, I had trouble hearing him.

   "Sure.  What do you want to know?" I asked.  My mind cycled through the
possibilities of what he could possibly want to know, but the answer seemed
obvious.

   "Well, umm.." he studdered.  He didn't want to say it.  Either that or
he didn't know how to say it.

   "You know where these bruises came from?" Jem interjected.  He leaned
forward and Sam looked at him briefly and made a frightened gulping sound.

   "Don't let him scare you," I said.  "Just say what you want to say."
   
   "I'm.. gay," he said.
   
   "Yeah, so?  What kind of advice do you want?" I asked.
   
   "Well, like.. coming out.  Everyone knows you're gay so I figured I
could ask you," he said.  His voice shook as he spoke and he never looked
at me as he said it.

   "Do you have a brother?" I asked.
   
   "What?" he said, confused.
   
   "A brother.  Nobody would know I'm gay if it wasn't for my loud-mouth
brother," I said.

   "Oh.  No, I'm an only child," he replied.  I had been joking around and
he obviously hadn't caught that.

   "Just be yourself.  Nobody really cares," Jem said.  Maybe his advice
was better than mine, I don't know.  Saying nobody really cares is a half
truth.  Some people do care how others act.

   "Listen, you guys got plans for the afternoon?" Sam asked us.  He looked
over at us hopefully and I turned to Jem who only shrugged.

   "No, what's up?" I replied.  Sam was a shifty person.  I had no idea
what to expect.  His mood seemed to change quickly.

   "I was gonna go horseback riding.  Wanna come along?" he offered. 
Horseback riding was one of my favorite activities, but only because I'd
rarely done it.  Jem liked it, too, but had ridden less than I had.

   "Sure.  Will there be a phone?" I asked.  I decided it'd be best to call
my dad and tell him where I was going for once.  Sam nodded.



   "My god, my legs hurt," Jem complained once we'd both collapsed onto my
bed that night.  We'd just gotten home and after riding horses all
afternoon and well into the evening, our muscles ached.

   "Can't be any worse than mine," I agreed.  "It was fun, though.  Haven't
done that in a while."

   "Yeah, it takes your mind off things," Jem said.
   
   "And we made a new friend.  That's the important part," I reminded him. 
Jem seemed to become more comfortable every time he met someone new.  I'm
not sure why, it's just the feeling of friendship.  It was almost hard to
believe he'd been so insecure just months before.
   
   "Man, he was hot, too," he admitted.  I'd noticed him staring at Sam
when I wasn't.

   "Speaking of taking your mind off things..." I said.  It didn't bother
me so much that Jem was attracted to Sam, I just wanted an excuse to fool
around.

   I unbuttoned the button at the top of Jem's shorts.  He looked over at
me and kissed me softly.  Jem seemed to like the taste of the sweat on my
lips because he moved closed and pressed harder with his mouth.  His tongue
poked through and explored my mouth with enthusiasm.  If nothing else, the
boy was full of energy.

   From within the close embrace, I unzipped Jem's pants and tried to pull
them off.  He had to move to assist me, but they came off quickly.  Still
sore and exhausted, Jem fell back onto the bed.  I pulled down his striped
boxers to reveal his limp cock.

   "It's hard to be excited after such a long day?" I asked sarcastically. 
Jem only smiled at me in response.  He fell back again with a sigh, trying
to encourage me by acting more tired than he already was.  He was
practically playing hard-to-get.

   Well, I've never been one to turn down a challenge.  I lowered my head
and sucked Jem's soft tool into my mouth.  I moved it around with my tongue
and played with it as much as I could while it hardened.  Jem seemed to be
having the time of his life.  While all the other muscles in his body ached
and didn't want to move, the important one was still functional.

   Jem's cock hardened quickly and forced me to retract my head.  His six
and one half inches were more than I was ready for.  Soon, though, it was
standing at full attention and I proceeded to give him the best blowjob my
exhausted body would allow.

   "Oh God, that feels good," Jem moaned as I ran my tongue down his shaft. 
I enveloped his manhood in my mouth and felt its head touch the back of my
mouth.  I didn't stop until my nose was buried in his curly pubic hair.

   The sensation of having Jem's cock in my mouth, even after just two days
without it, was beautiful.  No other word could possibly describe it.  I'd
always loved having it inside me, one end or the other, but that night it
felt absolutely marvelous.  I slid my head back and then forward again,
never removing my tongue from his slender dick.

   Soon, between moans Jem's hips bucked against my face.  Even his tired
muscles could manage a little please here and there.  Saliva collected in
my mouth, forcing me to swallow now and then, as I performed one of my
favorite tasks.  And soon, as always happened, it climaxed.  I felt a burst
of liquid hit my throat and began to swallow.  Jem shot more into me that
night than I'd ever seen him put out in one orgasm.  Maybe it was the love
between us or maybe it was because he hadn't done it the day before, but it
was phenomenal.

   "I love you," I said softly.  As the tension settled, I moved up over
Jem and kissed him.  It was a long, passionate kiss, and it truly was love.



   The horseback riding and activities afterwards had taken our minds off
the present problem: Jem's father.  But the problem was still there.  His
dad had always been homophobic and I suppose finding out his only child is
gay would hurt someone like that.  Neither of us really knew what to expect
to happen, but we certainly didn't expect things to happen as they did.

   Jem and I walked sleepily into the kitchen the next morning and found my
father on the phone.  He was sitting at the table with a very serious look
on his face and talking in a voice such that we couldn't quite catch all of
what he said.  He excused himself when he saw us and hung up the phone.

   "Jem, that was your mom on the phone.  I don't know exactly how to tell
you this, but you father shot himself last night," he said.  I turned to
Jem in time to watch a lone tear run down his face.  I bit my lower lip and
hugged Jem.  Only one thing was going through my mind as he rested his head
on my shoulder: It's over.

------------------------------------------------------------------
   For those of you who wanted the story to keep going and going and going,
rent a long movie.  Four parts is about all I can take of this one and I
don't plan on writing a fifth.  While in my previous series, I dealt purely
with love between two people, I wanted to expand the range to real life. 
That was the purpose of "Jem'n'I," to show a more realistic side to life as
a gay teenager.
   If you were disappointed with the ending, and I suppose some readers
might be, wait for my next series.  I don't think it will involve any of
these characters, but it'll be good.  I promise.
   Now, I need to say this: I don't condone unprotected sex in any way. 
It's only suggested here because the text represents how a person in the
given situation may think.  I personally believe condoms are a good thing
and I realize the characters in my story don't exactly seem to share that
view.  Use 'em anyway, the risk of disease is a lot greater when you're not
some character in a story.
   Now that I've said that, lets get on to the fun stuff: Thanks for
reading.  If you haven't read the whole series, e-mail me and I'll give you
the address.  If you'd like to find my previous series which does involve
several characters that appear in earlier parts of "Jem'n'I," I can help
you find that, too.  If you have comments like "Your series sucked, you
shouldn't have ended it like this," you can e-mail me with that.  I really
hope you liked it and again, the address is "GideonVI@aol.com".  See you..
out there. -Paul