Neon Lights Go Out and We Go Out With Them
PART 5
by V-Star
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	I stand there unable to lift my head, to ashamed to face Ash. I finally look up, and it is like tipping a piture of 
water. It all comes pouring out. Facing them, I begin.

	"Why did I leave? What was I supposed to do, sit around and watch my Pokemon Master brother hold the spotlight?" 
I ask, fixing Ash with an empty stare. Ash speaks up defensivly.
	"Hey I won that battle fair and square, so back off, buddy, I-"
	"I never said you didn't win. I just said that I couldn't take it. Not anymore. Mom and Dad never supported me but they 
would always be there for you. I could tell. After all, which one was more successful? Ash, the pokemon master, Mr. Innocent
from the day he was born, or Gary, the loser, who had never been innocent and was a freak. They had always played favorites, and 
I couldn't live with that. I left to find the only one who'd ever cared about me."
	"Who, Alexandra?"
	"Correct. The only way the two of us could be together was if I was a Rocket. I joined and became her partner. We were
happy. Then, one day, she was ordered to go in solo by her father and attempt to rob a govornment base. She went in and was
caught. I tried to save her, but never could. They executed her in front of my eyes." I say, forcing the tears back. 
	"I was not allowed to quit. I had to stay on as a Rocket and be Giovanni's slave. I was. I got promoted. Here I am."
I say, somewhat synically. Ash looks at me, his face twisted in guilt. Before they can say anything, I toss a smoke capsule
at the floor and while the smoke surrounds, I leap through the shattered roof. And it's then that the tears hit. Because I am
running like a coward. Like I did years ago. Like I always will. Not strong enough. Never have been. Never will be. I am not
that strong. Not strong at all. I cry, silently, as I escape from the roof by climbing down and running away. Getting on my
cycle, for the second time in my life, I leave the memories behind. Maybe, someday, they won't come and find me again. Then I
can be happy. Maybe my problems can be escaped. Maybe they can't be, but I will try, since they never hurt me as much as they
did just a moment ago.
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	I lie on my back, gazing at the ceiling. I am in Rocket Headquarters. I have been asked to report here, so I wait in my 
room. The rules state that if no mission reaches me in an hour, I can go about my life as normal. Normal. Funny word. 
Nobody is normal, since we are all different. I wish I wasn't. Maybe if I was just a shadow in someone's mind, mabe, maybe I 
would be able to change, just as I see the others do. Won't change. I can't. I can't let go of pain, because it shapes me.
If I hadn't lost to my brother, lost my darling Alexandra, lost my future, none of this would've ever happened. Ever. 

	I turn on the light and lift the diary from my pouch. Opening it, I begin to read...
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	Dear Diary,

	I have started my journey again, and Pikachu and I are almost to Celadon. Misty and I are excited, because there's 
supposed to be a magician there who uses pokemon in his tricks. He's supposed to be the best in the world. 
	Speaking of being the best, I wish that being the best didn't mean loosing your brother. Gary's gone and even Mom seems
sad. I wish she would talk to me about her feelings, but she wouldn't. Why do I have to be the mature one now? And what will
dad do when he can't confess he's lost his son? I'm confused, diary, but I know, somehow, things will change for the better.
	Sincerly,
	Ash
	P.S. Note to self-Keep an eye on Misty.

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	I sit here as I shut the diary. I put it away. I don't feel like being descriptive, since I feel awful. Then, a knock
on the door sounds. I don't move. Let them come to me.
	"Come in."

	The door opens almost noislisly, and in walks a tall strawberry blond redhed. She is wearing a blakc uniform and is several
levels bellow me in statistics of rank. She is an Elite becuase of her eyes. This may not make sence, but, if you gaze in the them
long enough, you begin to see how much they hold. How much power. How much strength. She is strong. I am not.
	"Evening Cassidy, what can I do for you?"
	"I heard you had a run-in with Misty Kasumi Waterflower today at Cerulean."
	"How do you know?"
	"Someone told us. I'm dissapointed, Gary. You shouldn't have resorted to Misty."
	"She loves me."
	"Yeah, but did you see how she treated Ash?"
	"A good point."
	"I told you she was a bitch."
	"She is. Big deal. You're a bitch too, so it makes little difference."
	"At least I'm a virgin bitch."
	"She's not?"
	"I keep tabs on Ketchum too. She's not, trust me."
	"I never thought Misty would..."
	"Neither did I." she says, coming over to me. I sigh.
	"Oh, Cassidy, not again..."
	"Oh come on, Gary! I'm lonly, so are you. We could have fun." Cassidy says, with a gleam in her eye. I glare at her.
I don't want her affection, esspecially since it's based on how much money I have. 
	"Get lost."
	"You still love Alexandra? You're wasting your time, she's dead."
	"I know."
	"Pity. She was such a good shopper." Cassidy says, curling her bangs on her finger. I remain silent.
	"She was so usuful for keeping you around. She really was a total idiot thou-oh!" Cassidy's sentence is altered by 
my knife at her throat. "Say that again, I dare you." I challenge, defending Alexandra's memory for the thousanth time. She 
backs off. "Relax...I was kidding...." she says, backing twords the door. I glare. She can let herself out. 

END OF PART 5