Warnings: The story is pretty tame right now (though I use a lot of stereotypes, and the characters thoughts might not be the cleanest in the world). It will eventually contain some very graphic scenes of sex between Duo and Heero. And not very happy, cheery scenes either.
Disclaimer: None of the Gundam Wing characters are mine. They belong to whomever they belong to. I am making no money off of this. I'm unemployed. That should clue you into my financial status. So don't bother trying to sue me.
Just a few comments, and then you can get to the story. I like writing the impossible. It's a hobby of mine. The premise of this story is to take some horrible cliches from the GW fanfic universe and put them believably into one story. Consequently, it has a really contrived plot. Only things don't turn out quite the way you would think.
When Heero opened his laptop, the first thing that caught his eye was the blinking mail icon. Only one person had this mail address. Dr. J. Which meant that a new mission had come in.
Either that, or the Viagra people had tracked him down again. No matter how many times he shut down their websites, their mail accounts, and their servers they insisted on sending him spam. They tracked down his new mail accounts faster and more efficiently than Relena ever could. When was the Viagra company (1) going to learn that he did not need to improve his sex life. He didn't have a sex life.
At least, Heero didn't until he opened the new mission file.
If Heero were surprised, disgusted, overjoyed, angry, or even annoyed it didn't reflect on his face. The only thing that showed on his face was the soft glow of the laptop screen.
His eyes darted back and forth along the lines of text. A few keystrokes later, and the mission was forwarded to Duo. Then those dreaded words were sent back to Dr. J making the whole farce irreversible.
"Mission accepted."
Two cities, and a hundred miles away, Duo was having a totally different reaction to the mission. He had entered the apartment building looking like the world had just ended. The mission specs had come in while he was goofing off in class. His beeper, which displayed mail, had gone off. Like an idiot, he had checked it.
Duo had decided that life was not fair.
He hated the professors. Correction, he loathed the professors. Despite the fact that this was indeed a mission, he knew they had somehow set it all up. It fit their sick sense of humor. Nothing anyone could possibly say would convince him otherwise.
Never mind that the logic behind the mission was valid. Never mind that the target was a high ranking scientist which regularly produced some of the most cutting edge technology for OZ. Never mind that the information they gathered could decide the war. Duo knew that someone, somewhere was having a good laugh at his expense (2).
"You are home early Duo. Did you decide to actually do your homework this afternoon?" The voice came from behind Duo, as he walked slowly down the hall. Wufei came up behind the braided pilot, a mesh bag full of clean laundry was slung over one shoulder. The Chinese boy held a key in hand, prepared an entire hallway away to enter their apartment.
"What about you? Laundry more important than class today?" Wufei had always been really big about learning while in school between missions. Duo didn't see the point. Why pay attention to stuff you already knew when you could be having fun?
Wufei didn't immediately respond. Duo moved out of the way, allowing the Chinese pilot access to the door. The braided pilot could have fished his own key out of his pocket. But why bother when Wufei already had his out? Both Duo and Wufei moved inside the apartment. The front door was closed and locked before Wufei responded.
"I am un-enrolled as of this morning. I will be leaving the city by tomorrow afternoon. My half of next month's rent is on the counter." The wording was carefully deliberate. With no mention of a mission.
"Don't bother. I got a new mission too. I'll give the landlord our two week notice. Got to remember to un-enroll. Already got enough incompletes on my record." Duo stated as he flopped down on the couch.
Wufei's paranoia was not new. It wasn't that the pilot of Shen-long didn't trust Duo. It was that Wufei didn't trust anyone. Even his fellow pilots. The Chinese pilot seemed to think that anyone could and would become his enemy at some time. Duo found that outlook annoying, and had decided that the best way to deal with it was to ignore it.
"Ah." There was a pause as Wufei put his laundry in his bedroom and returned to the front room. "Before I leave I can hack the school system again and un-enroll you."
"Thanks Wufei. That's one less thing I have to worry about." Duo leaned back against the sofa, letting the thick cushions swallow him in their softness. Trying to let the tension flow from his body. It didn't work. So instead Duo balled up his fist and hit the arm of the sofa. Hard.
"Ow!" Duo shook his hand as the pain from hitting a padded piece of solid wood registered in his knuckles. One of Wufei's eyebrows rose at his fellow pilot's behavior. Something was wrong. Now all Wufei had to do was wait. It would be a cold day in Hell before Duo could keep quiet about anything that was bothering him.
It wasn't a very long wait.
"Wufei, do I act gay?" The Chinese pilot stared, to shocked to answer. "No really. Do I act gay? We've been sharing this apartment for about three months between missions. Have you ever once thought that I was coming on to you?"
Are you now? Wufei thought irrationally before reason took over..
Wufei recognized the question for what it really was. One of those rare questions with no right answer. Suppose he said "No, you're not gay" and Duo really was. Then the pilot of Shen-long would be alienating one of his fellow pilots. Now suppose he said "Yes, I did think you were gay" and Duo wasn't. Then the pilot of Shen-long would be alienating one of his fellow pilots.
Women are accused of asking these kind of questions all the time. Meiran had done it with annoying frequency. Wufei had just learned that men could do it too. So he did what he'd done when his wife had asked those kind of questions.
Sputter a lot then act indignant.
"Maxwell! I hardly think I'm qualified to make that kind of judgment." There was a pause as Wufei considered his next question. What could possibly make Duo Maxwell question his sexuality? "Duo, did something happen at school today?"
"Why yes, Dad. One of the older kids took me behind the bleachers and taught me exactly what they mean when they use the term `butt monkey'." Silence met Duo's lame attempt at a joke. So he looked up.
"I'll kill him. Not with my sword. I would not dirty its blade with his blood. I swear, Maxwell, I will obtain revenge for your loss of honor..." It was too much for Duo. Wufei ranting like a maniac not for justice, not for honor, but because of a loss of innocence that had never happened.
The braided pilot laughed until his sides hurt, until he had his arms wrapped around his ribs to keep them from breaking. And if there was a slightly hysterical note to his laughter, well, he was willing to ignore it if Wufei was.
Wufei, for his part, let his rant trail off. It had served its purpose. Serving as an outlet of release for the tension that gripped his fellow pilot while reassuring him that everything was right with the world. The Chinese pilot hid his smile behind a mask of indifference as Duo's chuckles wound down. He knew he had a tendency to go into full rant mode. It was about time he had a situation where he could use it to his advantage.
"Thanks, Wufei. I'll be sure to let you know if I ever need my `honor' defended." Duo smiled a bit, but it quickly drained away. "Which might be a lot sooner than you think." The Chinese pilot didn't respond to the cryptic statement in words. Yet his whole attitude was one of listening. Duo sighed.
"I got a mission today in class. A joint mission with Heero. Basic hacking, spying job. Trying to get some information out of a high ranking OZ scientist. Only two problems. One, OZ knows that this guy is a loose cannon. He's just too smart and too good at his job to get rid of. So they watch him like a hawk under normal circumstances.
"The other problem is that OZ knows we're going to try and milk this guy for information. They've compiled all the information they have on Gundam pilots, mostly personality profiles and such. They're going to be looking for anyone trying to get close to this guy fitting the sketchy descriptions and personalities of us. So Heero and I will have to go under cover.
Duo, who had been talking to the floor the entire time, raised his head to look Wufei in the eyes. "Wufei, the professors want us to act like a gay couple."
While Duo was having kittens, Heero was setting up their new identities. It was something he had down countless time before. It involved opening a certain illegal program on his laptop and inserting the correct information into the proper spaces. Then he could then insert specially made paper (or plastic) into the printer, hit a button, and as far as the government was concerned be another person. He even had a small tabletop laminator to do the final part.
But what identities to give himself and Duo? That was the problem. Heero had logged into the internet, and had two browser windows open. One was being used to make reservations, set up false phone numbers, transfer money into new bank accounts, etc. The other browser window was being used to find out. information.
After all, Heero had never been gay before.
He had already decided on his and Duo's names. After that the id's had been no problem. A few file photos and Heero had all the legal documents they would ever need. Including a "partner" certificate. In other words, Duo and Heero were married. At least down on paper.
The pilot of Wing considered doing research on the actual mechanics of being gay. It would be a good precaution if something went wrong. If for some reason Heero and Duo had to go beyond acting and pretending. Yet somehow, Heero's mind just was not creative enough to think of a situation where they would need to go that far (3).
Besides, Heero was not comfortable with the slight thrill that went through him at the thought of having sex. Or reading about sex. Or watching sex. A soldier needed to concentrate on the task at hand. A soldier had to remain focused. A soldier did not need to get distracted in the heat of battle with thoughts of sweaty, naked bodies moving together, touching each other...
Heero jerked himself from his thoughts. This curiosity was dangerous. It need to be stopped, now, before it got out of hand. With that decision made, the pilot of Wing got ready to shut the browser windows. His hand was on the mouse when something caught his eye.
It was a word. A Japanese word consisting of four letters. Hero could not believe the number of pages that came up when he typed the word into the search engines. It was unbelievable. Yaoi, it seemed, made up a large part of the internet community.
An internal battle raged as hero tried to decide whether or not to investigate this further. A solider should not want to read about such things. It would distract him. It would influence and possibly endanger him on the mission. However, reading such material might be useful for the mission. It's wouldn't be reading for pleasure. It would be doing research for the mission.
Heero nodded to himself. The decision was made. He clicked on the first link. Soon a page full of text came onto the screen. With a slight shift in his chair, and a sense of anticipation, Heero began to read.
(1)- The author would like to state that she doesn't hate Viagra per se. Just the people employed by Viagra and their cheap knockoffs who keep sending her SPAM.
(2)- That would be the author as she writes this thing during her classes.
(3)- Luckily the author does not suffer from this handicap.
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The (A)typical Gundam Wing Fanfic
By Tsaiko
� 2001, Tsaiko