Rating: 5
The Red Ribbon: Carmen
Hey you, stop right there! I know what you're thinkin'. You were gonna go right on by weren't you! You're thinkin' 'what kind of stupid story would be about a red ribbon'. Well let me tell you somethin' pal, I've been around and I've probably seen and done more than you ever will in your pathetic little life. Sex, drugs, rock 'n roll, I've lived it all. Oh so now I've go your pea brain attention haven't I? Well sit yourself down, and I'll tell you my story in all its sorid detail.
I was born in some two-bit factory along the banks of the St. Larwence, and from there I was shipped to some high profile department store whose name I can't remember. It was the sixties and free love was in and the institution was out. I wasn't there very long before I was 'libertated' by Carmen or that was what she liked to call herself anyway, I think her real name was more like Beatrice or somethin' lame like that. Now there was one fucked up babe. Her parents died when she was young and left her a nice tidy fortune. Well, it's true with money like that a person can do anythin', and let me tell you, do anythin' is exactly what she did.
The second Carmen was out of the store she tied around her neck, and oh what a fine neck it was. I remained a perment resident there over the next several monthes, and let me tell you pal it was no hardship. She never took me off, she insisted I was her good luck charm or some other metaphysical garbage. But on to the good stuff, it was with Carmen that I got my first sinfully intoxicatin' wiff of weed. There's nothin' quite like that sweet smell, and to this day it still reminds me of Carmen. I always got off on the way the smoke used to caress my nylon surface like a cheap whore. She would spend entire days doin' nothin' except smoke joint after joint. At first she would act all giggly and happy, usually babbling stuff about angels and being the Fairy Queen. As the day wore on and especially if it was raining Carmen would lose her clothes and dance naked around her garden. I'm not complainin' mind you, the bitch was built. It was always fun when she got her lazy-assed model friends to join her. Which brings me to Carmen's other favorite pass-time, sex.
Oh yeah I can see your eyes lightin' up now, you're just sweatin' in anticipation for some raunchy details aren't you? Well I'm not gonna waste my time givin' you a one way ticket to happyville, but I will tell you this. Carmen loved to fuck and what she fucked she fucked hard and well. I almost felt sorry for her poor bastard of a boyfriend, it was all he could do to keep up with her. They say a man can never have too much sex but the poor bastard (I can never remember his name but I don't think Carmen could either) cried like a baby for her to stop more than a couple of nights. The only thing better than her all day drug binges were her all day orgies of sometimes twenty people or more. Nobody cared about AIDS and crap like that back then and the sex and dirty needles flowed through there like beer flows through a drunk.
But you know if the good die young the stupid die younger. About two years after I arrived I had to leave because Carmen decided she had to play with a gun. The stupid bitch blew her head off and I ended up in the local parish charity bin.
Yep them were the days.
[Stay tuned for the continuing adventures of the Red Ribbon]
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