Jareth shook his head, fighting off his sudden panic attack. Inhale, exhale.. You�re almost finished, and you won�t ever have to speak to her again, because anyone this incompetent cannot possibly survive my Labyrinth. That thought made him very, very happy. I doubt she�ll last till nightfall.

"Hey, d- Er, Your Grand Poobah-ness?"

Oh, right. He�d almost forgotten that she was still there.

He was significantly less happy.

"What?" He sighed, eyes squeezed shut in hopes that somehow she�d be gone when he opened them.

She wasn�t.

"You c-" Misery took a step towards him.. And caught her foot on what was either something he couldn�t quite see or absolutely nothing, falling flat on her face.

The Goblin King refrained from slapping his forehead. Barely.

The Girl picked herself up, spitting out sand and.. Who knows what, and continued, as though she hadn�t just flung herself onto the ground. "You can�t really be serious about this. I mean, me? Solve your labyr-whatcha-ma-call-it? Man, I get lost on my way to the bathroom.. In my own house."

He smiled; That, he agreed with completely. "I assure you, I�m quite serious." His smile grew even crueler. "Deadly serious."

She gulped nervously. "D-Deadly? As in lethal-hazardous-to-your-health-possibly-even-fatal kind of deadly?"

Jareth chuckled, becoming translucent right before her now saucer-sized eyes, (Never a good thing). "My, aren�t you full of surprises.. You�re not as inept as I�d thought."

Her mouth fell open in angry disbelief. "You are not just leaving me here!" She cried, voice cracking.

"Yes.. I am."

She gave a furious squeak, watching him fade. "You can�t do that! I don�t even know how to get into your stinking maze!"

He paused long enough to shoot her a death glare. "Refrain from calling it a "maze", or there will be dire consequences."

"You�ve already, like, threatened death! How much more dire can you get?!" She demanded.

He ignored her, and kept on disappearing. "Remember, thirteen days, young Misery.."

"But.. But.. I don�t know where the bathrooms are! I drank a lot of Surge tonight, y�know!"

He snorted quietly to himself, vanishing completely from sight. "Such a pity."

Misery stomped her foot. "That�s not fair!"

She wasn�t entirely sure why, but the Goblin King suddenly began laughing at that..

She, of course, was not very amused.

"Hey, come back here! I�m not finished with you yet!" She yelled, shaking her fist at the air. "ARGH!!"

After a few moments of waiting to see if he�d actually do what she�d ordered, (..*Snort* Fat chance), she plunked down on the hillside with a disgruntled "humph".

Misery rested her head in her hands, rubbing her temples to stimulate intelligent thought. "Okay.. What am I supposed to, like, do now?" She muttered, trying to lure one of those rare "good ideas" into her brain.

Having essentially the patience of a fruit fly, this, low and behold, soon got really, really boring.

So, being herself, she went with her usual plan of action; Do now, think..?

The young Girl, (Though she�d maim you severely if you called her that to her face), hopped to her feet, and meandered down the bluff, looking more like she was at a nice, little park rather than marooned in a strange, (Hot), land. "Hm, hm.. Hm, hm, hm, hm.. Hm.."

As she walked/skipped, she began to relax, her confidence returning. Hey, maybe this won�t be so after a-

Her thoughts were interrupted by an ill-placed rock, which gave her a one-way ticket down to the bottom of the mound, the bruising, scratching, ouch-that-really-smarts, yet efficient way.

"Duuuuuuude!" She cried/yodeled, yelping with each roll. "Ouch! Ouch! Oo, ow! Ow! Ow!"

Her quick, painful descent was abruptly halted by, of all things, the suddenly level ground! Yes, she�d made it to the base of the hill, in, (Basically), one piece.

Misery reluctantly dragged herself upright, weaving like a monkey who�d found her way into a brewery. "Uhhhh.. That. Hurt." She groaned, clutching her poor, abused head, (..Not that there was a whole lot to damage up there..).

*Tweet* *tweet*

She whirled around toward the sound, jerking so quickly her lampshade fell over her eyes.

Before she could readjust her headgear, something small and feathery dive-bombed her, followed by another similar something, and another. "Argh! Cut it out, ya little creeps!" She yelled, swinging her arms about blindly in an attempt to either ward them off, or give �em a good pop if they continued.

Unfortunately, the creatures were not that easily put off, and kept on flying into her, chirping crazily and extremely annoyingly.

"Hey! Quit buggin� me already!" She shouted, stumbling and flailing..

Right into a pond.

"AIYEEE!"

Misery landed with a large *splash*, went underneath the water�s surface for a few brief moments, until she suddenly realized, surprise of all surprises, she could not breathe, and came up, gasping and sputtering.

"Y�know, I�m started to get really ticked off here!" She exclaimed, pulling the, (Wet) lampshade off her head so she could see her attackers. When she finally did, she let out a whistle. "Dude."

Cartoonish, irritatingly cute birds in a rainbow of horrible pastel colors with the largest eyes she�d ever seen on an avian circled her like tiny, overly saccharine vultures.

But as soon as her head had cleared, they vanished in diminutive puffs of smoke, getting out one last shrill cheep along the way.

She shook her head, blinking. "Well.. That was interesting." She commented, rather serene for someone who�d just been chased into a tarn by animated feathered fiends.

The Girl climbed out onto dry land, and turned to examine the small, square pool of water she�d been sitting in, wrinkling her nose. "Yeech."

She looked her-now-dripping-self over, and shrugged. She could think of many things she�d rather be than soaking wet, but hey, at least she wasn�t hot anymore.

Misery unfastened the Exciting Cape from around her neck, wrung it out, and retied it, this time about her waist. She was about do, (Basically), the same with her jeans when she was.. Interrupted.

"Ahem."

She, er, practiced her levitation skills, getting a good three feet off the ground. "Whoa! Who�s there?"

Jareth smirked. "Don�t tell me you�ve forgotten me so quickly."

The, (Rather rusty), wheels inside her head began churning, recognition clicking in. "Hey! Your Meticulousness!" She cried, waving at.. Well, nothing, as he wasn�t actually there. "How you doing?"

"Quite well, thank y- Er, that�s none of your concern." He backpedaled hastily, somewhat embarrassed. "The point of this visitation was to explain something to you."

She blinked, confused, and then grinned. "Alrighty. Shoot, dude."

He frowned, displeased. "Don�t call me that."

"Call you what?"

That.. That name.

"What-what name?"

"That.. Never mind." He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "As I was saying, there�s something you need to be told."

She bent down, and grabbed her lampshade, brushing it off and returning it to her head. "Okay."

"I�m always watching. Keep that in mind."

Misery opened her mouth, "ah"ing in understanding. "I, like, catch your drift, dude."

He clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth. "Stop. Calling. Me. That."

"Calling you what?"

The Goblin King put his hands to his temples; He felt a headache coming on. "What did we just discuss?"

"Uh.. Is this a trick question?"

He froze, beginning twitch. "Just.. Don�t."

With that, he abruptly severed the link, thus ending their.. Stimulating conversation.

"Hm.. Guess he had to go." She thought aloud, shrugging.

The Girl turned her attention to more important matters; Namely, getting into this "labyrinth".

"I�ll just find the door here-" She mumbled to herself, looking around for the opening.

And finding none, of course.

"Or not."

Misery stared at the solid stone wall in front of her, walked a little further, and stared at a different section of it, (..Accomplishing ever-so-much), gnawing unconsciously on her knuckle.

"This.. Sucks." She sighed finally, eyes still scanning the large blocks that made up the Labyrinth�s outer walls. "Yup, this most definitely sucks."

She flopped down into the dust, propping her chin against her hand, still chewing on her right index finger, (To heck with all sanitary concerns!). How to get in, how to get in, how to get -hm, neat pillar-type thingies- in..

Boredom is a really swell ambition booster.

As she was discovering, because, after the initial oo-shiny-rocks excitement dissipated, the wall really wasn�t very entertaining.

So, she took her beloved course of action; Do whatever comes to mind first.

Misery hopped to her feet, climbed up on the base of one of the "neat pillar-type thingies", and, with a little jump, grabbed onto the second extrusion, using all her upper body strength to pull herself up onto the small ledge.

She looked out over the landscape, and blinked. "Whoa.." She murmured, and grinned. "Heh, cool."

She gave her immediate surroundings a quick glance over, and saw her best and only option, (..Though the "best" part is a little shaky); A low point in the simple zigzag pattern carved atop the wall, about one foot away from her.

The Girl exhaled slowly, and licked her lips, stealing a peek below her, (..Smart, eh?). Below was now about ten, twelve feet down. She clung a bit tighter to the stone. "Er.. I, like, don�t think I want to fall that far."

Her fingers were beginning to cramp from gripping the hard surface for so long. Okay, I need to jump now. She thought.

Taking a deep breath, she tensed for a few very brief seconds, and then, unlocking her muscles and all the energy that�d been building within them, sprang. "SPOON!"

She hit the stone with a startled "oof", hands scrabbling for purchase, and, after one breathless moment, her fingers snagged the edge of the wall. "Whoa!" She yelped, planting her feet firmly against the blocks, and pushing off them, to aid in getting onto the top.

She got to the top, alright. And a good distance beyond. "AAAIIIYYYEEE!!"

Misery, for the fourth time that day, found herself hitting the ground at a greater speed than she�d prefer, knocking the breath out of her completely.

She simply laid there for a little while, doing her best to move as little as humanly possible.

"Ouch.." She wheezed, rolling slowly onto her stomach so she could, (Really reluctantly), pushing herself up into a sitting position.

The Girl groaned, removing the Lampshade of Happiness just long enough to give the back of her head a good rub. "I�m seriously beginning to not like it here." She grumbled.

After making sure no idiotic pastel birds were lying in wait for her, she, (Even more reluctantly), stumbled to her feet, and brushed herself off.

She looked about her new surroundings, and saw that there were only, apparently, two ways for her to go, left and right, and neither passages had an ending that she could see.

She glanced back and forth between her two choices, before resorting to the age old, nearly foolproof method of decision.

"Eeeny, meeny, miney.." She chanted, changing the direction she pointed to on each word. "You."

Her finger had landed on left.

She shrugged, and straightened her second "hat". "Left it is." She said, and started off in that direction.




Jareth watched The Girl from afar, her features, (What of them could be seen from under that moronic lampshade), distorted by the bantam crystal from which he viewed her antics.

He was smiling happily.

When he�d seen her tumble down the slope, he�d been mildly amused. When the sickeningly adorable, horridly cloying birds had attacked, he�d found it rather entertaining. When she�d bumbled into the tarn, he�d found himself immensely cheered.

And now that she�d fallen off the top of the Labyrinth�s outer wall, he�d become supremely blithe. Watching her injure herself was the most fun he�d had ever since she�d entered his life, and had begun making it miserable.

If she keeps this up, I won�t have to do a thing to her. She�ll kill herself before eve. He thought gleefully.

But under all his happiness lay a nagging worry; Sure, she�d proved herself to be an absolute klutz and mooncalf, but so far she�d only gotten wet and dusty, doing no real damage, (..Despite all her valiant efforts).

In fact, she�d actually gotten a few things accomplished. Such as finding a way into the Labyrinth..

This Misery was no Sarah, but she was turning out to be quite a nuisance. A relatively harmless nuisance, but one all the same.

And so he must keep careful watch of her, for nuisances had an annoying way of growing worse..




Three hours..

She�d been walking three hours, and had gotten absolutely stinking nowhere.

Misery was getting bored with walking.

Boredom and Misery did not play nicely together.

She�d started whistling to pass the time about two hours before. Now she could only make blowing sounds. Her lips had actually gotten a charley horse.

She was so tired from navigating the unkempt pathway for such a long time, even her lampshade was drooping.

"Oh, good grief!" She exclaimed finally, kicking one of the walls that sealed her inside the Labyrinth.

Pain shot up her leg, originating at her toe.

"Ow, ow, ow!" She yelped, grabbing her foot and hopping around crazily.

"�Allo." A tiny, friendly Voice called suddenly, interrupting her impromptu Modern Dance performance, (..Well, practically, anyway).

She stopped dead in her tracks, and looked for the owner of that voice.

"I�m over here." The Voice offered.

Misery blinked. "Where�s "here"?"

"Right here."

"Right where?"

"Here."

"Where?"

The Voice sighed, exasperated. "Right in front of you."

She quickly scanned the bricks in front of her.

"Lower."

The Girl lowered her gaze, and finally noticed a diminutive, fuzzy, blue worm sitting.. In the wall?

She shrugged. Whatever. "Oh! Hey there, little dude! How�s it going?" She asked jovially.

The Worm laughed, and smiled. "Fine, fine. You?"

Misery went to lean on the barrier behind her, not paying much attention to what she was doing, (..And this was a new thing?)..

And fell through. "Ah, I�m not too shabby-EEEEE!"

"Are you alright?"

She sat up, shook her head rapidly, clearing the fog, and jumped up, grinning. "Woo hoo! Yes!! There is a way out!" She paused in her celebrating, as though just then remembering The Worm�s question. "Oh! Yeah, I�m okay."

It blinked, and kept on smiling. Hm.. Nice girl, a little on the, er, scattered side. "Glad to hear that." It said, and eyed her carefully. "Cor, child, you look dead on your feet. Come, meet the Missus, have a spot of tea, put your feet up for a spell."

She pondered this.. For about three seconds. "Hey, sure, why not? I have thirteen days to solve this danged thing, anyway." She knelt down, and prodded the wall a bit. "Um, this is, like, probably a stupid question, but.. How do I get in?"

The Worm chuckled warmly. "Follow me."

With that, he turned, and disappeared into a hole between the bricks. A tiny hole.

Misery opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it. When in Rome..

She tentatively slipped her fingers into the opening, and began slowly inching more of her arm in.

Much to her surprise, the hole expanded around her limb like so much liquid. "Whoa.. Cool!"

Within seconds, she was inside The Worm�s home, (Without falling down. At all. A record for her..).

"�Scuse me for a minute, and I�ll go get the Missus." The Worm said, vanishing into a back room.

The Girl took this opportunity to check out her new location.

It wasn�t exactly what she�d expected, what she�d thought The Worm�s "castle" would look like before she�d come in.

The walls were all painted a delicate off-white, like cream mixed with a peach�s juice, the floor and ceiling a dark, rich wood, with throw rugs everywhere, and just as many quilts and wall hangings on the, well, walls.

What she thought was especially neat was that, instead of chairs, there were fluffy nests of pillows and blankets. Oo.. Those look comfy. She thought, happy. It�d been a little while since she�d sat down on anything but hard, dirty ground, and her, ah, nether region was bruised something awful from all the falls she�d taken.

There was a wood stove, a small coffee table varnished much like the floor and ceiling, and many doorways, leading to, she assumed, rooms.

Things aren�t quite what they seem to be in this place, I�m startin� to suspect..

The azure colored Worm returned with another Worm, who was a lovely shade of lilac, and was quite obviously the Missus. "I�m such a ninny, I forgot to introduce myself earlier." The Worm said. "My name�s Blue, and this here is Mauve, m�dear and lovely wife."

Mauve blushed, and nudged her husband, laughing. "This one has a silver tongue, he does." She turned her dark, kind violet eyes to The Girl, and smiled warmly. "What�s your name, dear?"

She blinked, and grinned. "Oh, heh, I�m Misery."

The Worms looked at one another, and laughed good-naturedly. "Oh my.. That�s quite the name." Mauve cooed, her voice a sweet, motherly sing-song that was rather pleasant to listen to.

Blue suddenly clucked his tongue. "Here we�ve been, chattering like a pair of goblins, letting the tea get cold."

The Worm blinked, and scrunched up his face a little bit. Between heartbeats, a pot of tea, and three cups and saucers, (One set significantly larger.. Duh), appeared on the small table.

Misery�s eyes widened ever-so-slightly. Not what they seem to be, indeed.. Arg, starting to sound like that Jareth dude.

The Missus motioned for her to take a seat. "Sit, sit. Drink your tea."

Well, The Girl sure as heck wasn�t going to argue with that, so she gladly settled down in one of the mounds.

The Worm sat also, and, while Mauve poured tea, (Er, sort of.. She wriggled her nose, the teapot began hovering and did the rest), made conversation. "So.. What brings you to the Labyrinth, Misery?"

Four cups of tea later, she�d finished recounting the night�s, (Morning�s?), events. "..And that�s how I got here." She flashed both the Worms a goofy, sappy grin. "Thanks for inviting me in. You two are, like, lifesavers."

Blue smiled kindly. "We.." He paused to give his wife goo-goo eyes. "Would like to thank you, too."

The Missus beamed along with her significant other. "Yes.. We don�t get much company in here." She sighed wistfully. "Most who come by are in too much of a hurry to stop in."

The Girl�s expression grew even sillier. "Well, they don�t know what they�re, like, missing."

A cute, girlish giggle escaped Mauve, color rising to her merry little Worm cheeks. The Worm looked at her, and chuckled. "In gratitude for taking the time to have a bit of tea and chitchat with us, we�d like to grant you one wish."

The Missus nodded in agreement. "Anything you�d like, dear."

Misery mulled over that prospect for a few moments, and finally shrugged cheerfully. "Maybe, like, an Omnipotent Bag of Stuff, or something." She stopped, thoughtful. "Either that, or a Twinkie."

The Worms looked slightly puzzled at the mention of the latter, and talked it over briefly, (Rather resembling a tiny, Worm huddle). When they�d come to a decision, Blue looked up. "Alright, one Omnipotent Bag of Stuff it is."

The married couple squeezed their eyes shut, and wrinkled their noses.

A swirl of blue sparkles formed into front of The Girl, nearly startling her into dropping her teacup, and, in two shakes of an aardvark�s tail, a dark blue, glittery backpack lay in her lap. "Whoa! This is awesome, guys! Thanks!" She sat for a moment. "..What does it do?"

Mauve spoke up first. "Well, dear, anything you want is in that Bag-"

"Just as long as it can fit inside the Bag." The Worm interjected.

"All you have to do is imagine what it is you want, and it�ll be right in there."

Misery eyebrows shot up to her hairline, (..Well, just about). "Really?" She asked, eerily similar to that cat again..

"Really." The Worms confirmed in unison, nodding.

She picked up the Omnipotent Bag of Stuff, and, after looking it over curiously, she concentrated for a moment. She reached inside, and withdrew a hardback book, which had, "How To Survive The Labyrinth With Only Minor Injuries", blazing across the cover in big, red letters. "Oo.. This is good."

Setting the book down, The Girl yawned monstrously, (Revealing that her tonsils were quite intact), rubbing her eyes blearily.

"Oh, goodness! You must be exhausted from all the traveling you�ve done today! And without a decent night�s sleep before.." Mauve "tsk"ed motherly. "You�re welcome to stay here as long as you like."

"..As long as you like." Blue echoed, agreeing.

She looked from one Worm, to the other, and back, and, deciding that there was no way she was getting out of their house until she slept, (Not that she really wanted to hop right up, and go frolicking through the Labyrinth..), nodded her assent. "Yes, I�d like to stay.. Very much, thank you." She paused. "One thing.."

"Yes?" The Missus responded.

She smiled hopefully. "Do you know where I could, like, find a bathroom?"

"Oh, sure." Blue said, and nodded towards one of the doorways. "Right through there."

The Worms could only stare on in wonderment as, eyes filling with tears, Misery leapt up like her eyebrows were on fire, and ran towards the door, singing their praises the entire way.

Theirs, and indoor plumbing�s.