"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side,
and it holds the universe together."
--Carl Zwanzig

*****************

"When written in Chinese the word 'crisis' is composed
of two characters. One represents danger, and the other
represents opportunity."
--John Kennedy

*****************

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make
as they fly by."
--Unknown

*****************

"A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything
a man says afterward is the beginning of a new argument."
--Unknown

*****************

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this
jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor
their heart throughout the night. And the next morning,
when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler

******************

"I never married because there was no need. I have
three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as
a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a
parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes
home late at night."
--Marie Corelli

******************

"The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further
than the crowd.  The man who walks alone is likely to find
himself in places no one has ever been."
--Alan Ashley-Pitt

***********************

"Love is not blind - it sees more and not less, but because
it sees more it is willing to see less."
--Will Moss

***********************

"I am ready to meet my maker, but whether my maker
is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another
matter."
--Winston Churchill

***********************

"Oh Lord, bless this thy hand-grenade but with it thou
might blow thy enemies to tiny bits in thy mercy."
--Monty Phython's Holy Grail

***********************

"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets
to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do."
--Bob Dylan

***********************

"USA Today has come out with a new survey. Apparently,
three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the
population."
--Dave Letterman

************************

"Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen
and thinking what nobody has thought."
--Albert von Szent-Gyorgy

************************

"I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
--Benjamin Franklin

************************

"Sarcasm is the safe alternative to expressing anger."
--Richard North Patterson

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