Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3358
(2/27/02 6:25:20 pm)
Reply Attack of the killer french people
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I don't know if you could call him a hero, I don't even know if you could call him a decent human being
But the fact of the matter is that 6 monthes ago, Cybertronian Halfbreed took a heroic stand to single handitly save the city of Paris from the aggressive bastard known only as the aggressor
Ok, so there were other people there, and Halfbreed really didn't do anything
But that doesn't mean he desserved what the Resistance did to him.
He was a hero, yet he was not thanked, he was injured yet he was not helped, there were no balloons no parades for his sorry ass, no celbertory beer with the guys, no ten dollar hoochies on his arms, nothing at all
Only pain, only punishment, only FRENCH PEOPLE
"I hate the French people, I hate the French people, I hate the........excuse me kind and gentle French person"
"I wonder if you can help out a poor and heroic man, y'see I'm trying to get back to my friends in America, so I can give them these lovly eifel tower t-shirts, look them straight in the eye and KILL THE WHOLE LOT OF EM"
Kindly French person: Aw wee wee
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Well thank you kind and gentle French person you know it's people like you that make me wanna rethink my whole prejudice attitude........hey wait a seccond, this is a Lifesaver
Kindly French person: Shim appel Lifesaver
Cybertronian Halfbreed: But I don't wan't a Lifesaver
Kindly French person: Shim appel Lifesaver
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I mean there small and fruity, but what I really need is money
Kindly French person: Shim appel tough shit
Halfbreed: Damn it
"You've screwed me again, YOU'VE SCREWED ME AGAIN FRENCH PEOPLE"
Kindly French person: Aw wee wee
Halfbreed: Hey what are you doing? Stop that, stop that, don't touch me there, please, Let go of my leg, stay away, you just stay away, don't lick my ass, hey wait a second that kinda that kinda feels goooood
aw yeah, aw that's the stuff.
...........Don't stop, please....please don't stop
Kindly French person: Shim appel Spiffydude
Halfbreed: Wha?...Who?..Wha? How dare you? How dare you yell out another man's name during sex?
"I'LL KILL YOU! I'll KILL ALL OF YOU"
In a rage of anger, Halfbreed draws his weapon and opens fire on every one in site, he laughs as a mixture of blood and French salad dressing covers the streets, and for the first time in the 6 monthes he's been here Halfbreed is actually happy, that is untill he hears the unfortunate sound of........
" FLIN HAVEN!"
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Flin? Flin? Flin Haven?
English speaking French guy: Oh my God you killed Cherry Lewis
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Huh?
English speaking French guy: You killed Cherry Lewis
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I killed Jerry Lewis?
English speaking French guy: How could you possibly be happy about killing are Cherry Lewis?
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I dunno......he was kinda annoying
English speaking French guy: Cherry Lewis was are God, how dare you call are God annoying? Cherry Lewis was not annoying Cherry Lewis was are God
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Yeah God of annoying
English speaking French guy: How dare you?
Cybertronian Halfbreed: You can't kill a God with a lazer cannon, do you know what would of happened if I shot Thor with my lazer?
He would of hit me with his hammer
English speaking French guy: You ignorant swill
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Hey
"I have been called many things over the years, an asshole, a horse fucker, an ignorant swill, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let someone call me an ignorant swill"
Halfbreed begins to swear angerly as he starts to frantically poke at the man
English speaking French guy: What are you doing?
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I'm gonna poke you good
English speaking French guy: You swine
Lesson number one people, just because there wearing stupid hats and they seem all cute and bashfull, that doesn't make them the Pilsbury dough boy
Never, never, never poke a French person
English speaking French guy: I think you'll live to regret that
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I think you should try batheing with actual soap
In a sign of pure force, and power, his eyes flash with a dark energy as he reaches out and snaps Halfbreed's finger in two.
Cybertronian Halfbreed: BWAAAAAAAAA!!!
Finger breaking French guy: Damn American pig
Cybertronian Halfbreed: uh well......uh
Finger breaking French guy: I hate you all
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Well actually I'm not exactly American, I mean I live on there property and obey there rules, hell I even kiss there ass from time to time but I'm not exactly American
Finger breaking French guy: I hate Canadian's too
Cybertronian Halfbreed: You hate Canadians?
Finger breaking French guy: Wee
Cybertronian Halfbreed: YOU EVIL BASTARD
Finger breaking French guy: Yes I'm a real bad ass son of a bitch
His eyes continue to flash with darkness as an army of angery French people appear behind him
Finger breaking French guy: You may kill him now
Halfbreed gasps in terror as his worst nightmare suddenly becomes very real
Cybertronian Halfbreed: FRENCH PEOPLE
They pounce on him beating him with baseball bats and stabbing at him with pitch forks.
Finger breaking French guy: With the great and powerful Cherry Lewis gone and dead, there will be no one to stop us
We will cast are eternal ray of rudeness on the world, and bring those damned Americans to there knees
This planet is doomed
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1136
(2/27/02 10:12:15 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Bob gets off the plane, still grooming his evil mustahce. Suddenly, all the French people at the airport start attacking any Americans that get off. Most are killled instantly, though Shadow Wolf transforms into an eagle and flies above them.
"Hey, stupid French people, what's your problem?"
English speaking French guy: "we must kill ze stoopid americanos."
"What's an americano?"
English speaking French guy: "Americano. American. Same differonce."
"No it isn't."
English speaking French guy: "Zes it is."
"You talk funny."
English speaking French guy: "And you are an Americano. You must die!"
"Actually, I'm from Trinidad, I just started my cooking show in the U.S. before becoming evil."
"Zo well, die anyway!"
"What has America ever done to you anyway, besides bailing your sorry asses out of two world wars in the past century?"
Different English speaking French guy: "Ze talking bird zpeaks ze truth!"
English speaking French guy: "Traitor! Now you must die too!"
English speaking French guy kills different English speaking French guy while Shadow Wolf flies away to a different street and transforms back into his human form, pulling out his spear. There, he finds another non-French guy trying to fight off the mob.
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3359
(2/28/02 12:19:44 pm)
Reply Attack of the killer french people
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*Somewhere in America*
" YABBA DABBA DOO!"
Barney: He yuck yuck Wilma and Betty are gonna kill us
Fred: That's because Wilma and Betty don't have asses as cherry red as this guy, now shut up Barn and rape his ass
As you can see, everybody and there mother want's a turn at Spiffy
Shaggy: ZOINKS.......I wanta fuck his ass Scoob
Scooby Doo: Wry wron't know Wraggy
Daphne: Would you do it for a Scooby snack?
Scooby Doo: Wrooby snack?
Velma: Jinkies, look at Scooby go
Daphne: He really likes those Scooby snacks
Shaggy: That's not all he likes
Fred: Come on gang, let's give Scooby a hand
Awwwwww..... why do all the fun Hanna Barbara cartoon mass orgies always have to happen in the states?
Theres nothing like that going on here, I mean sure I just got a blow job from Pappa Smurf, but it's not the same.....
Nothing ever happens in France
Cybertronian Halfbreed: What are you nuts?
"These crazy French fucks have gone on a insane killing spree"
Why Halfbreed old friend, how nice it is to see you again
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Nice to see me again? Nice to see me again? You leave me in character limbo for monthes and then when you finally do decide to bring me out of it you have my ass kicked by French people? FUCKEN FRENCH PEOPLE!
Yeah so?
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I wan't a new writer I wan't a new writer
What are you doing talking to me anyways?..........That's Hemroid's bit
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Hemroid? HEMROID? ........He was always your favorate wasn't he?
Well to be perfectly honest, Halfbreed, your kind of boring
(Not to mention the fact that Hemroid puts out)
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I don't think I wan't to talk to you anymore
"Now if you excuse me, I have to go save the world from the French"
Nope........your gonna get your ass kicked again
Cybertronian Halfbreed: YOU BASTARD!
Even though he just got his ass kicked by them in my last post, I don't like his attitude and I think it's time they do it again so with that said
*Dozens of French people jump on Halfbreed and start to kick his ass*
Finger breaking French guy: Put him in the van
"He's very important to my plans and I wan't him to watch as we burn the US. embasy to the ground"
Oh no, did you hear that AA.? there heading towards the US. embasy, you've got to stop them
Well your uh.......character does
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1137
(2/28/02 7:37:10 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Shadow Wolf watches as Halfbreed is carted off towards the embassy.
"Even though I'm evil now, I must stop them! But I can't do it alone, I'll need serious back-up.
"Only one man with the brains and business savvy to be able to help.....
KENNETH LAY, FORMER CEO OF ENRON!!!"
Shadow Wolf dials Ken Lay's number, only to get an answering machine:
Answering machine: Welcome to Enron. Please listen carefully, for our choices have changed somewhat recently:
If you wish to serve a supeena, press 1.
If you wish you to be tutored on the art of shredding documents, press 2.
If you are the owner of an useless Enron 401k, and you want information on how to live the rest of your life off of Mac and Cheese, press 3.
If you are an Enron executive and are curious about who your cellmate will be, press 4.
If you are Dick Cheney, press 5, and thanks for nothing.
If you are looking for someone to record your company's answering machine message, press 6, and I'll be with you shortly.
Shadow Wolf hangs up the phone.
"Screw it, this is getting me nowhere. I'll have to save the day without the help of genius businessman, Kenneth Lay."
Shadow Wolf transforms into a cheetah and runs after the van. He catches up to it as they reach the American embassy, and transforms into a rhino.
French guy: "Look out! It's Cher!"
Shadow Wolf tramples on the sissy French people for a while, then transforms into an ape and breaks the doors open on the back of the van.
Unfortunately, it was the wrong van. But eventually Shadow Wolf picks the right van, and busts Cybertronian Halfbreed out. But before victory could be celebrated, a whole army of French people arrives.
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3360
(2/28/02 8:34:23 pm)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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" SACRE BLEU"
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Huh?
Random french guy: SACRE BLEU
Cybertronian Halfbreed: What the Hell are you crazy French people saying?
Randomer french guy: SACRE BLEU
Cybertronian Halfbreed: The sour cream is blue?
Randomest french guy: SACRE BLEU
Cybertronian Halfbreed: The cow sais moo?
Finger breaking French guy: Oh for Pete's sake, I think there reffering to the huge talking ape that ripped open are van, that van and that other van, punched out Mr. T and rescued you from are evil clutches
Cybertronian Halfbreed: He punched out Mr. T
Finger breaking French guy: He also stole his gold
Cybertronian Halfbreed: He stole his gold
Finger breaking French guy: I tried to stop him
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Bee Gads man haven't you seen that movie Leprechaun 4? Or that other leprechaun movie Leprechaun 2?
Finger breaking French guy: I think he even raped Spiffy
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Wow he raped Spiffy? Wow he really raped wow I've been waiting my whole life to do that
Finger breaking French guy: I raped Spiffy once it was fun
Cybertronian Halfbreed: But he stole the gold of a leprechaun, you never steal the gold of a leprechaun
Mr. T: I pitty the foo, that steals my gold
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Do you see? Do you see what you did you stupid talking ape? This is why you never steal the gold of a leprechaun
Mr. T: I pitty the foo who leggo my eggo
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Now instead of fighting an army of evil French people, we have to fight Mr. T...........and an army of evil French people
Sabrewithasword
Resistance Hot-head
Posts: 11387
(2/28/02 11:21:01 pm)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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*The French people destroy everything American in sight. They beat the crap out of Howard Mackie, who happens to be walking down the street in Paris*
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1138
(3/1/02 5:09:12 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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"Mr. T? We have to fight Mr. T? An army of French people and a 1970s reject? This could suck."
The army of French people surrounds them with Mr T as their leader. They draw all sorts of weapons: swords, guns, crowbars, daggers, nail files, coffee mugs, and bad jewelry.
"Uh, good luck man."
Shadow Wolf shrinks down to a cockroach and hides.
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3361
(3/1/02 6:16:26 pm)
Reply Attack of the killer french people
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Halfbreed's not a stupid man, I mean sure he's weak, he's ugly but he's not now nor will he ever be stupid.
So when he's in a binde, he does the only logical thing and blames it on the forren guy
Or in this case the smelly cockroach
Halfbreed: You think you can weasel yourself out of this mess you got me into?
You think you can kill Jerry Lewis, steal Mr. T's gold and get away with it?
Finger breaking French guy: He killed Cherry Lewis?
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I bet you thought that was me, huh?
Finger breaking French guy: Actually yes that's exactly what I thought
Cybertronian Halfbreed: What? No, you've seen this guy, one minute he's a bird, the next he's Cher, then he's an ape
Mr. T: I pitty the foo, who doesn't use 1800 collect
Cybertronian Halfbreed: You know what this guy is? He's a shape shifter, you should never trust a shape shifter.......I know cause I'm a shape shifter
Mr. T: I pitty the foo, who can turn into a Go kart
Cybertronian Halfbreed: He turned into me, killed Jerry, turned back into himself ate a sandwich, transformed into Spiffy, raped himself and now he's trying to frame me for a crime I did not commit
And to top it all off he thinks he can weasel himself out of it with the old turn yourself into a cockroach trick
Finger breaking French guy: That cocky bastard
Cybertronian Halfbreed: But he's not gonna get away with it, I'm not gonna let him get away with it
It was kind of hard, but after about 5 minutes of trying Halfbreed manages to capture the cockroach formed Shadow Wolf
He smiles as he waves the cockroach in Mr. T's face
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Would you promise not to beat me up for a Scooby snack?
Mr.T: Wrooby snack?
Mr. T happily opens his mouth wide in a attempt to catch and eat Shadow Wolf as Halfbreed throws him high into the air.
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Y'know if that cockroach was smart he'd turn himself into an elephant right about now, and squish Mr.T into a pancake
Oh well that's what I would do
Beast Simpson
Papa Smurf sent me
Posts: 1101
(3/3/02 9:13:20 pm)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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:: Out of nowhere, Graf Orlok (with sunglasses on )
does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! Great fun eh?
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3362
(3/3/02 9:16:18 pm)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Graf Orlak must be doing nothing somewhere nearby because you can smell him
But everybody just figures it's the stench of Mr. T's horrible, horrible breath, they shrug it off and go on with there miserable French speaking lives.
As for Halfbreed, he just smiles as he eagerly awaits the interaction of Mr.T's mouth and Shadow Wolf's big cockroach behind
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1139
(3/3/02 10:05:02 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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The cockroach comes down and lands right in Mr T's mouth. Mr T chews it up and swallows it.
Unfortunately, it was a different cockroach.
The real Shadow Wolf was block away, and had already transformed back into his human form and was flirting with a French chick.
"Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by you again?"
The French chick slaps him and walks away. Luckily, another French chick walks up.
"Hello sweetheart, ever played Pearl Harbor? It's a game where I lay back and you blow the hell out of me."
The French chick slaps him and walks away. Luckily, another French chick walks up.
Time to lay on the old charm with the one line that always works.
"Pardon me miss, but I must tell you something. I know we just met, but my love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in."
The French chick then falls madly in love with Bob(aka Shadow Wolf) and the two rush off to get married. The priest, who just so happens to speak english, goes quickly through the ceremony, finally coming to the important part.
French priest who just so happens to speak english: "Do you, Bob, take this French woman to be your wife?"
"I think so. Hold on a second."
Bob turns to the French woman.
"Is it true that you people don't shave your armpits?"
French woman: "Wee"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Shadow Wolf then runs out of the French Marriage Hut, unfortunately running right into Mr T and the Finger Breaking French Guy.
"Uh, hi guys."
Finger Breaking French Guy: "You! You killed Cherry Lewis."
"No I didn't. And who is Cherry Lewis?"
Finger Breaking French Guy: Cherry Lewis is the man you killed!"
"You mean Jerry Lewis?"
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Yes! You killed Cherry Lewis!"
"No I didn't."
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Yes you did."
"Did not."
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Did too."
"The only person I ever killed was that stagehand that pissed me off. He wasn't Jerry Lewis."
Finger Breaking French Guy: "But the ugly halfbreed man told us that you shapeshifted into a go-kart and killed Cherry Lewis."
"But I can only shapeshift into different kinds of animals, not go-karts."
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Then who killed Cherry Lewis?"
"It was probably the halfbreed. He also said that the Carrot Top 1800 Collect commercials were funnier than the Mr T ones."
Mr T: "I pity da foo who thinks Carrot Top is funny."
Shadow Wolf shudders.
"Me too Mr T. Me too.
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3366
(3/3/02 10:25:57 pm)
Reply Attack of the killer french people
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Marriage is for saps and blind people, y'know people who don't realise how beautiful hookers are.
And while Shadow Wolf was out being a gigantic disgcrase to the entire male population (Marriage ) Halfbreed was out fucking a pig
Halfbreed: Look ma, I'm fucking a pig
Now I don't know why he was fucking a pig, in fact I don't care all I know is that unlike Shadow Wolf, Cybertronian Halfbreed is a real man's man
Halfbreed: You do realise that I don't give a flying floop about you or your stupid cooking show?
Martha Stewart: Sex with Halfbreed...........it's a good thing
Halfbreed: Oh yeah, oh baby, squeel for me momma squeel for me
Martha Stewart: Oh Halfbreed........you complete me
Wouldn't you know it, just when that pig was about to cum, they have to show up
Mr.T: I pitty the foo who fucks Martha Stewart
Shadow Wolf, Mr. T and the French guy
Finger breaking French guy: You killed Cherry Lewis
skeeter dan
The Skeetster!
Posts: 253
(3/3/02 11:16:43 pm)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Meanwhile, the guy who tends to lurk in the shadows was doing his little lurk in the shadows trick. He observed the interaction between the random french person and Mr. T and decided to do...absolutely nothing. Suddenly, out of the blue (actually, it came out of the red, but that's not as clich� as blue) came Superman! No, not really, but it would have been really ****ed up if he did show up.
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3372
(3/3/02 11:36:44 pm)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Actually it is the real Superman, but what's he doing?
Oh my Lord
HE'S RAPEING SPIFFY IN THE ASS
Wait that's not Spiffy, that's his Mexican counter part Seinor Spiff E. Bean
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1142
(3/5/02 5:25:41 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Finger Breaking French Guy: "You killed Cherry Lewis, and now you must pay."
"Damn straight. No one frames Bob. Except who that guy in Tanzania who's currently blackmailing me, but that's another story."
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Throw the ugly animal man in there too."
"What? What did I do?"
Finger Breaking French Guy: "We're French. Our reasoning doesn't have to make sense."
Mr T shoves Shadow Wolf over beside Halfbreed. Martha Stewart finds a piece of cotton and uses it to make a tank, then drives off, getting away safely. All of a sudden, an army of French people swarms in out of nowhere.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "We'll now use ancient French fighting techniques to defeat you both."
"Ancient French fighting techniques? Does that mean getting beat in the first two weeks of the war and then waiting for your allies to do all the work?"
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Actually...yes. Oh well, we'll just kill you then."
Shadow Wolfs turns to the ugly Halfbreed.
"Maybe we've been going about this wrong. Instead of fighting each other, maybe we should be working together to fight them..."
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3380
(3/5/02 11:34:38 pm)
Reply Attack of the killer french people
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"Um maybe or maybe we should.................get em guys"
Halfbreed can't help but laugh as he pushes Shadow Wolf into the crowd of angry French people.
Finger breaking French guy: YOU TRETCHEROUS BASTARD
Mr. T: I pitty da foo, who betrays his friend
Halfbreed: Do you idiots really think a guy could sleep with Martha Stewart give her 5 orgasims lick ice cream off her boobies, and not pick up any of her tricks?
Halfbreed grins with superiority as he reaches into his mouth and pulls out a wad of slightly chewed, slightly purple bubble gum.
Halfbreed: Actually I learned this trick from an episode of McGuyver
Finger breaking French guy: Oh yeah I think I saw that episode, that's the one where McGuyver makes a bomb out of ordinary chewing gum and drops it down that French guys pants.
Halfbreed: That's the one
Finger breaking French guy: SACRE BLEU
But most French people aren't worthy of cool bomb made out of bubble gum related deaths and I feel it would be most anti climatic if he died that way, so Halfbreed sticks the gum to Mr. T's forehead instead
Halfbreed: I pitty da foo, who blows up Mr. T
Low budget sound effects -> KABOOM!
Halfbreed smiles as peices of hasbeen actor explode and cover the streets in blood
Finger breaking French guy: YOU FOOL
You can not kill Mr. T
Halfbreed: I can, I did, and I'll do it again
A crazy look forms in his eyes as he pulls a fork from his pocket and begins to randomly stab random peices of Mr.T's randomly exploded carcass
Mr. T: I'm not a meat ball Sucka
Mr. T screams with anger as his body magically begins to reform its self (Like T1000 from popular action movie Terminator 2 )
Finger breaking French guy: I pitty da foo, who blows up Mr.T
Halfbreed: Um......uh mr. cockroach changing guy, I've been thinking and well maybe it's a good idea that we team up
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1144
(3/6/02 8:40:07 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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While Halfbreed had been making pathetic attempts at killing Mr T, Shadow Wolf had been getting his ass kicked by a whole army of French people. Not that the kicks hurt that much, since French people are wussies, but it still wasn't fun.
But Shadow Wolf still manages to drag himself over to Halfbreed as the ugly man makes his proposal for peace.
"Fine by me, just let me get something out of my system."
Shadow Wolf kicks Halfbreed in the balls. Unfortunately, Halfbreed has balls of steel, and the kick hurt Shadow Wolf worse than it did him.
"Well, that wasn't as much fun as I'd hoped. Nothing like a fractured foot to spoil a good old-fashioned cheap shot. Anyway, here's what we'll do. You take out the 500 French people on the left, I'll take out the 22 French people on the right, and we'll meet back here to take on Finger Breaking French Guy and Mr T. Let's kick some pansy French ass!"
The huddle breaks, and each of them go off to their seperate fights. Shadow Wolf transforms into a rhino and tramples have of his group of French people. He then changes into a Sabretoothed tiger and eats all but the last one, who he saves for interrogation.
"Okay you stupid French guy, tell me how to defeat Mr T."
Stupid french Guy: "I never tell you!"
"I'll hurt you."
Stupid french Guy: "Please no! I have a very low pain tolerance..."
"Then tell me how to beat Mr T."
Stupid french Guy: "You could scare him off."
"I pity da fool who thinks Mr T is easily scared."
Stupid french Guy: "He is scared of one thing. And that thing is--"
But before the Stupid french Guy can tell him, Shadow Wolf gets bored ans slits the guy's throat.
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3387
(3/6/02 9:46:07 pm)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Now unlike Shadow Wolf, Halfbreed doesn't have any cool change into a gorilla and take a dump on your enemy's head powers, he can't fly, he can't see through women's clotheing he can't even talk to fish
But he has something more usfull, the ability to blend into the crowd
Halfbreed: A ha I'm wearing a stupid French Beret I must be one of you
Number 499 of the remaing 500 French guys: French Beret?
....we haven't worn those since that horrible National Lampoon's Eurepion Vacation movie came out
Halfbreed: Yeah I saw that
.........Am I the only person who want's to punch Chevy Chase in the head?
Number 499: No, no Chevy Chase was not the problem
Halfbreed: He wasn't?
Number 499: Here in France we have nothing but the deepest respect and admiration for horribly unfunny commedians
Halfbreed: You like Gokitalo? ((J/K))
Number 499: Gokitalo is like are God
Halfbreed: What the Hell is a matter with you people?
Number 499: My mother used to beat me
Halfbreed: That doesn't make any sense
Number 499: You know what doesn't make any sense? How come I'm not speaking with a French accent? And why am I even speaking to you at all?
Halfbreed: Because I'm one of you
Number 499: A closeted Barry Manilow fan?
Halfbreed: No a smelly French person
Number 499: A true smelly French person, would never admit how smelly he truly is
Halfbreed: Look I'm wearing a French Beret I'm speaking with a cheesy French accent, what more could you possibly wan't?
Number 499: I could go for some pizza
Halfbreed: French people don't like pizza
Number 499: No but crazy Starwars characters do
Halfbreed: Storm Jedi?
Storm Jedi: I'm back and together with my uncanny understanding of the Force I will help you defeat the eery powers of dark side
Halfbreed: Wow!
......Well if you really want to help, I suppose you can kill all 500 of those smelly French bastards standing behind you
Storm Jedi: Those aren't French bastards
Halfbreed: Um then why do they smell?
Storm Jedi: Oh that's just Conan
Conan: Hello
Storm Jedi: Were all the limbo and missing characters of From Marvel rpg and were here to help
Halfbreed: Wow.........what an exciting and absolutly ridiculous plot twist
Storm Jedi: Remember guys, we maybe Limbo and missing characters but that doesn't mean we can't kick Mr. T's ass
Conan: You call yourself a leader? Your not a leader, you have no life
Halfbreed: What the Hell is going on?
Storm Jedi: GET EM GUYS!
Aw this is awesome I've seen alot of kickass battles in my life but this battle is gonna be the most kickassomest
Mr. T verses an army of pissed off and forgotten super heroes
Miss Fantastic: It's Miss Fantastic I never officially joined the rpg but that doesn't mean I'm not special
Alpha Ape: My name is Alpha Ape and I'm Apocalypse's forgotten pet monkey, I would of died of starvation monthes ago but Storm Jedi found me and fed me a banana
Stryker Robotica: My name is Stryker Robotica my power levels are extremly high and if I can't kick Mr. T's ass nobody can
Jaikbluze: I'm Jaikbluze and your banned
Who will win? Who will be victorious, only AA. can answer these questions because only AA. is stupid enough to try
Mr.T: I pitty da foo, who trys to ban Mr.T
skeeter dan
The Skeetster!
Posts: 256
(3/9/02 1:22:58 pm)
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Re: Attack of the killer french people
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The guy who lurks in the shadows, lept out of the shadows yelling, "STOP!" Unfortunately, none of the forgotten heroes noticed him and he almost got trampled on. Until he suddenly appeared behind them.
"Damn heroes, never notice a damn thing." With a massive display of...shadowiness...the guy turns the sky to black and a darkness falls over the assembly of has-beens.
"What the...?" says HalfBreed, looking severely pissed off. Well, if you could have seen him, you would have known that he was severely pissed off. As it was dark, he just sounded constipated.
"I pity da foo who gets constipated."
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1146
(3/9/02 11:57:13 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Light Man appears. Who is Light Man? He's a character that AA just made up in order to make it easier to make it easier to do his post, and still manage to not just ignore Skeeter's.
Light Man uses his powers of light to make it bright again. Then he dies, having served his only purpose ever.
A pizza delivery man walks on to the scene for no apparent reason. He doesn't even have pizza with him. So why is he there then?
Because he isn't a pizza delivery man. He's Winston, the pot-smoking fromer drug lord who was banned after posting only his bio. Now, he's back along with the onslaught of Limbo characters, and he's high off his ass.
The forgotten heroes, led by StromJedi, sweep through the army of French people, killing them, injuring them, or being all-around not nice to them.
Then, for no real reason, Alpha Ape rapes Spiffy in the ass.
Meanwhile, Mr T is getting mad. Suddenly, he lets out an angry yell, and clicks together two pieces of magical cheap jewelry.
Suddenly, a bunch of Limbo bad guys appear.
Darth Maul: "I'm Darth Maul, and I was probably a split-personality of StromJedi, because appeared with no reason and only wanted to fight SJ, then left after the fight. But now I'm back and fighting for Mr T!"
Crimson Dusk people: "We're the Crimson Dusk, and we have probably the dumbest and most confusing bio in the history of From Marvel. And despite the fact that AA has no clue what happened to us or if we ever even RPed here, we're also here to fight on Mr T's behalf!"
Members of The Emirate: "We're the Emirate, and we're another one of Mal's incredibly stupid ideas that everyone hated(of which there were many). As is typical of Mal's character, we're ridiculously powerful and so annoyingly stubborn that it's nearly impossible for anyone else to rp with us and still keep their sanity. Nevertheless, we're here too!"
Mourning Raze: "I"m Mourning Raze, and I'm the most powerful being to ever live in the history of the universe!"
Mourning Raze gets struck by lightning.
Mourning Raze: "But the lightning doesn't hurt me, because I'm invurnable and can never be hurt, and I'm Mourning Raze and I'm powerful."
In a great act of mercy to us all, Winston uses his bong of death to take out Mourning Raze. Mourning Raze is finally gone forever, and everyone pauses briefly and applauds.
But then the fighting resumed. StromJedi and Darth Maul are deadlocked in a lightsaber fight of epic proportions. Jaikbluze and Stryker Robotica start fighting the Crimson Dusk and The Emirate, cause all those people are way too strong and should all get killed by the end of this post.
Alpha Ape rapes Spiffy in the ass...again. Then Bill Clinton comes into the scene and gets jealous.
Bill Clinton: "Alpha Ape, how could you? I thought we had something special..."
Then Richard Simmons comes into the scene and gets jealous.
Richard Simmons: "Bill, how could you? I thought we had something special..."
Then a random Canadian comes into the scene and gets jealous.
Random Canadian: "Richard, how could you? I thought we had something special..."
All this time, Alpha Ape continues raping Spiffy in the ass.
Meanwhile, in the battle, Apocalypse had resurfaced with no explanation.
Poccy: "This fight is off the hizook!"
Shadow Wolf: "You're ugly."
Poccy: "Indeed!"
Shadow Wolf: "I don't like you."
Poccy: "It's all good!"
In a great act of mercy to us all, Winston uses his bong of death to take out High Lord. High Lord is finally gone forever, and everyone pauses briefly and applauds.
Wynterstorm and Sister Perpetua appear out of nowhere, and are both immediately killed, simply because AA hates them.
Finally, somwhere in all this ridiculousness a plot hole emrgeses, and the Limbo characters all kill each other and Mr T, then disappear. Why the plot hole? AA got in over his head while typing this post and was unable to think of a logical way to resolve it all.
So, there's a bright flash of light, leaving Halfbreed and Shdow Wolf standing there against the Finger Breaking French Guy.
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3390
(3/10/02 1:19:51 pm)
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Re: Attack of the killer french people
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And for a moment everything is right with the world, Mr. T is gone, Spiffy got raped in the ass, and alot of French people died horible, horible deaths.
Yes everything is just in the world....
......well accept for the fact that the sky is purple and covered in strange mist
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Hey look the sky is purple and covered in strange mist
And that's when it happened, that's when the very fabric of time ripped open sending a rusty old telephone booth hurling to the ground.
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I think I saw this in a movie once
And as the mist clears, three lone figures emerge from it's doors.
Bill: That was the most excellent, excellent adventure we've ever been on.
Ted: That's because are last journey was bogus
Bill: I totally agree
Ted: Excellent
Mr. T: I pitty da foo, who thinks he can stop me with a simple plot hole
Mr.T screams with anger as he grabs Bill & Ted by the ears and brutally slams there heads together.
killing them instantly, thereby insureing that there will never be another stupid Bill & Ted movie ever ever again
Keanu Reeves: Like there was gonna be another movie anyways, I'm a big star now, and no longer have to take on any stupid roles.
Cybertronian Halfbreed's eyes begin to twitch with sheer anger as he draws his lazer cannon and begins to fire rapidly at Keanu Reeves and his stupid Keanu Reeves hair cut
Halfbreed: THERE IS NO SPOON!
Time seems to slow down as Keanu begins to skillfully dodge the laser beams
Keanu Reeves: My name is Neo
Halfbreed: No it's not............and you can't dodge lazer beams
Keanu Reeves: My name is Neo and I am the Matrix
Halfbreed: Your name is Keanu Reeves and the Matrix is a slightly overated movie
Keanu Reeves: I'm gonna show them, I'm gonna open there eyes
Halfbreed: For the last time you are not the Matrix....
AND YOU CAN'T DODGE LAZER BEAMS
Keanu Reeves: Oh!, Ok
Keanu Reeves smiles and stands to his feet, just in time to have his head blown off by a random lazer beam
Mr. T: I pitty da fool, who kills Keanu Reeves, before I can..................tell him how beautiful I think his eyes are
Cybertronian Halfbreed: OH NO!
"Mr. T has managed to survive the terrable horror of the lazy mans plot hole"
Mr.T: I pitty da foo, who states the obvious
Cybertronian Halfbreed: There has to be a way to stop him, somewhere some how, there has to be a way
Mr.T: I pitty da foo, who doesn't SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I know!.............Rocky III
"Or was it Rocky II? Oh well it was one of the Rocky movies"
***GETTING STRONGER***
Powerful theme music plays in the background as Cybertronian Halfbreed finds himself dressed in a grey sweat shirt and rapidly climbeing alot of stairs
***GETTING STRONGER***
The scene changes and Halfbreed is now at the top of the stairs, jumping up and down, acting very proud of himslef
***GETTING STRONGER***
Wrinkled old women: Excuse me kind sir, but I'm very old, and I was wondering if you might help me and my tired old legs down these very high and very steep stairs.
***LASTING LONGER***
The scene changes once again, and Halfbreed is now pushing the old lady down the stairs
***GETTING STRONGER***
It's very cold, and Halfbreed now finds himself in the middle of a frozen meat locker puching and jabbing at a big hunk of frozen meat.
Grumpy old bastard: Is that how you punch meat ya bum?, your nothing but a filthy bum ya bum
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Could you please stop calling me a bum?
Grumpy old bastard: Awww did I hurt the bums feelings?.......Ya bum
***GETTING STRONGER***
All of a sudden Halfbreed stops rappidly punching the meat, and starts rappidly punching the old man
***GETTING STRONGER***
The scene changes for the sixth and final time, as Halfbreed finds himself surrounded by blood thirsty reporters and standing in the middle of a large boxing ring.
Halfbreed: YO! ADRIAN!
Mr.T just grins evilly as he puts on his boxing gloves and begins to kick the living crap out of Halfbreed.
Grumpy old bastard: It's over, Breed
Halfbreed: Nothings over just give me something to drink
Grumpy old bastard: There ain't nothing on ice that can save you now
Drink salesman: Limpton Brisk ice tea here, get your Limpton Brisk ice tea
The theme from Popeye plays in the background as Halfbreed can feel the power of the Brisk ice tea surging through his body.
Halfbreed: Woah! That's Brisk baby
And with one punch, that's right I said one punch, Mr. T is sent flying into the sun, never to be seen again.
Finger breaking French guy: Sacre bleu
Halfbreed: Your next Frenchy Mc' French bottom
Finger breaking French guy: You know my real name?
Halfbreed: AA. told me
Avenging Angel: That's right I did
A light from the heavens hums as it shines down on his glorious god like body, his name is Avenging Angel and he is a powerful wish granting genie
Halfbreed: AA I gotta tell ya, your last post was sheer brilliance, that part with Sister P, genious sheer genious......ok it was a little mean, but brilliant none the less
Avenging Angel: I'm not here to have my butt kissed
Halfbreed: Will you sign my bra?
Avenging Angel: I told you, I'm not here to have my butt kissed
Halfbreed: Then why the Hell are you here?
Avenging Angel: By killing Mr. T you have done the universe a great justice...............and for that you must be rewarded
Halfbreed: With sex?
Avenging Angel: No with wishes
Halfbreed: Can I wish for sex?
Avenging Angel: No, no you can not
Halfbreed: Well how many wishes do I get?
Avenging Angel: Well the standard number of wishes is three, but since I'm such a nice guy............I'm gonna give you two
Halfbreed: How does giving me one less wish then I desserve make you a nice guy?
Avenging Angel: Look buddy I'm an all powerful wish granting genie, and you should never make an all powerful wish granting genie angry, because when all powerful wish granting genies get angry, bad things happen, did you hear that tough guy? BAD THINGS HAPPEN
Anger glows in his all powerful eyes as he bitch slaps Halfbreed across the street
Avenging Angel: Now hurry up and wish for something.....................I don't have all day
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I wish........I wish........I wish you would KILL THE FINGER BREAKING FRENCH GUY
Avenging Angel: Um........you can't wish for that
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Uh........Then I wish for one of those big ass rocket launchers, so I can KILL THE FINGER BREAKING FRENCH GUY
Avenging Angel: Uh you can't wish for that either
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Jesus, AA. is there anything I CAN wish for?
Avenging Angel: You can wish for a doughnut, do you wan't a doughnut?
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Uh no............I got it, I know what I'm gonna wish for
"You see I always felt that Mourning Raze was not technically a bad guy, I mean sure he was extremely powerful and a little bit on the boreing side, but deep down he was a nice guy, a good guy, a hero if you would, and as a true hero he didn't desserve to die helping someone as evil as Mr.T, so if you could just bring him back to life, just for a few minutes, so he can show you all how heroic he really is, and finally be given the warriors death he truly desserves"
Avenging Angel: Your wish has been granted
AA crosses his arms, wiggles his nose and sais some magic words, and in a puff of yellow smoke, Mourning Raze is reborn.
Mourning Raze: Hi guys.........Wanta play strip parcheesi?
Halfbreed just shrugs as he draws his lazer cannon and shoots Mraze point blank in the forehead
Avenging Angel: Are you happy now?
Halfbreed: No not really
"I mean sure he's dead, and killing him felt really really good, but that wasn't really a warriors death...........hmm tell ya what bring him back, and I'll run him over with my car"
Avenging Angel: Bring him back with what?
Halfbreed: My last wish
Avenging Angel: You don't have anymore wishes
Halfbreed: But you said I had two wishes
Avenging Angel: I said nothing of the sort
Halfbreed: You evil bastard
Avenging Angel: Bwahahahahahahaha
Halfbreed: The evil laugh? Your laughing the evil laugh
Avenging Angel: Well duh..........I'm evil
Halfbreed: Oh come on
Avenging Angel: I'm gonna take your last wish, and I'm gonna give it to Shadow Wolf
Halfbreed: Shadow Wolf
Avenging Angel: Yes I said Shadow Wolf
Halfbreed: But why?
Avenging Angel: Because he's my character........and I love him
Halfbreed: That's not fair
Avenging Angel: Life isn't fair
And indeed it's not, AA. is a part of life and AA. is a great big wish stealing wish stealer, the question is will he really give the wish to Shadow Wolf, or will he keep it himself? Find out next post
skeeter dan
The Skeetster!
Posts: 258
(3/10/02 6:37:34 pm)
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Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Mr T.: I pity da foo who tries to ignore skeeter's posts!
...
...
Well, you can ignore this one I guess...
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3391
(3/10/02 8:54:46 pm)
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Re: Attack of the killer french people
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And at that moment yes that exact moment, Light man raises from the dead.
Light man: Hi remember me? My name is Light man and I'm the character AA. created a couple of posts ago, for the entire purpose of not ignoreing Skeeter Dan's post
But it seems Skeeter Dan hypocritically ignored the fact that Mr.T is dead
Light man: What are you doing here Mr.T? Your supposed to be dead? That's a bad Mr.T a bad, bad Mr.T.......
"Damn you Mr.T be more dead"
And with that said Mr.T flies back into the sun, and everything is back the way it should be
Well accept for Light man, who is still alive when he should be dead
Light man: Not only am I alive but I'm dancing, dancing all over the place bwa ha ha ha
Now see this isn't right, Light man should be dead,dead he should
Oh well, let's get back to AA. and his wish hogging ways
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1149
(3/10/02 11:06:37 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Shadow Wolf: "It's really mine?"
AA: "Yes, it's all yours!"
Shadow Wolf: "I must contemplate how to use this wish!"
AA: "Go ahead."
Halfbreed: "AA, you are the most handsome and being to ever exist in the history of the universe!"
AA: "Yes, I know."
Halfbreed: "And you're very witty."
AA: "Go on."
Halfbreed: "And you're funny too."
AA: "Damn straight I am."
Halfbreed: "And you're the smartest man to ever exist."
AA: "Of course I am."
Halfbreed: "And one more thing..."
AA: "Yes?"
Taylor: "STOP WRITING MY CHARACTER SO SHITTY YOU PRICK!"
David: "Oh sorry."
Taylor: "And don't do it again."
David: "I won't."
Halfbreed: "The ladies like AA, cause he's so brilliant."
David: "Well, maybe once more then..."
Taylor: "Why do you keep doing that?"
David: "Mainly because your posts are always longer than mine, and I'm trying to come up with enough jibberish to make mine as long."
Taylor: "But you'll never succeed, because I'm Canadian, and Canadians rule."
David: "No they don't. In fact, I'll prove it."
David leaves for a second, then comes back with Martin Short.
David: "See? Now I've got Martin Short. He's one of the funniest men in the world. Go ahead Martin, tell him that Americans are better."
Martin Short: "Actually, I'm Canadian, so I'll have to side with Taylor on this one."
David: "Screw you Martin Short, you're just a washed-up old hack."
David leaves and comes back with Dennis Miller this time.
David: "Okay, now I've got Dennis Miller, who's 100% American. Take this!"
Dennis Miller: "I don't want to get off on a rant, but fucking Canadians continually fucking saying they're fucking better that fucking us is getting fucking annoying. I mean, we're fucking best that there fucking is. We have fucking cool fucking sports, like fucking football, fucking basketball, and fucking baseball. All those fucking Canadians fucking have is a fucking cheap imitation of our fucking football, hockey, and some fucking stupid game called fucking curling. Therefore, us fucking Americans are fucking superior to those fucking Canadians in every fucking way. But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong."
Martin Short: "Damn straight you could be wrong. And it's curling, not fucking curling. Don't make me kick your ass."
Dennis Miller: "I'm not afraid of you, woman."
Martin Short: "What did you call me?"
Dennis Miller: "I called you a woman, but now that I've had time to reconsider, that would be an insult to the female gender!"
Martin Short: "That's it beard boy, you're going down."
Martin Short leaps in the air at Miller, but before the ensuing fight can be written, Taylor bitchslaps David.
Taylor: "You dumbass, get back to the story!"
David: "Huh? What story?"
Taylor: "The story that you're supposed to be writing!"
David: "Oh that one! So, uh, where was I?"
Taylor: "That treacherous AA had just given Halfbreed's last wish to Shadow Wolf."
David: "Oh, ok. I'll get right on it then."
Taylor: "And try not to poorly write me or my character anymore."
David: "Got it."
Taylor: "Dumbass."
Anyway, back in France, Shadow Wolf had finished his long contemplation, and was finally ready to make his wish.
Shadow Wolf: "I wish that all the children of the world would join hands and sign in perfect harmony."
Halfbreed: "What the fuck? Aren't you suppose to be evil?"
Shadow Wolf: "This isn't about good and evil. It's about Nancy Reagan."
Halfbreed: "What's she got to do with this?"
Shadow Wolf: "She was the first person to ever want all the children to join hands and sign in perfect harmony."
Halfbreed: "She wasn't the first person to ever say that."
Shadow Wolf: "Yes she was."
Halfbreed: "No she wasn't."
Shadow Wolf: "Yes she was."
Halfbreed: "No she wasn't."
AvengingAngel: "Gentlemen, please. If you're going to continue in this pointless arguement, at least have the sensibility to do it in another language."
Shadow Wolf: "S� ella est�."
Halfbreed: "No ella est� no."
Shadow Wolf: "S� ella est�."
Halfbreed: "No ella est� no."
AvengingAngel: "Well, that was kinda fun. Now, time to fulfill your wish."
AA said the magic word, and all the children of the world joined hands and sang in perfect harmony. Unfortunately, one of the kids made fun of another's singing voice, and the kid pulled a knife on him. From there, the whole thing turned in to an all-out brawl. Kids from one area gaining up on those for another. Pinching, hair pulling, and kicking from most of the kids. Except for those kids from New York, who all had weapons of some sort. Somewhere in the midst of it all, Light Man dies again. It wasn't a pretty site.
But eventually, the kids got tired, and they all left on the several thousand miles trek to their homes. Which brings us back to our other people.
AA: "Well, my work here is done. Farewell, losers."
And once more, we're down to Halfbreed, Shadow Wolf, and the Finger Breaking French Guy, who's shame is still great after having his real name of Frenchy Mc' French bottom revealed.
drdoom2099
The New One
Posts: 108
(3/11/02 9:34:05 pm)
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Community Supporter
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH at this topic. Especially the last few
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1153
(3/11/02 11:40:27 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Then Doom got hit by a bus, never to post OOCly in this topic again.
drdoom2099
The New One
Posts: 113
(3/13/02 10:23:04 pm)
Reply
Community Supporter
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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In conclusion, AA got raped in the ass.
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1156
(3/13/02 10:56:48 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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In a secretive lab, scientists manage to clone the dead Doom. Doom walks out into the street, ready to begin his new life. Then he got hit by a bus and died.
Roadkill rapes Spiffy in the ass.
But luckily, the scientists made 2000 more clones. The large group of clones move out to the desert to be avoided being hit by a bus. Unfortunately, the desert happens to be a governmental nuclear test area, and the 2000 clones are wiped out by an experimental new H-bomb.
Iguanas rape Spiffy in the ass.
Then an evil mastermind hatches a plot to take over the world. To do this, he creates a billion Doom clones and seperates them into seven squadrons to take over earth.
The first squadron goes to Africa, but die of a epidemic of hepatitis, because when the "Hosptial for Evil Masterminds' Lackeys" was offering free shots, the Doom clones thought they said cots, and decided they preferred sleeping in tents anyway.
Rhinos rape Spiffy in the ass.
The second squadron goes to Europe, but ends up talking to a political delegation. The lack of logic from the European delegates make the Doom clones' heads explode.
Big Ben rapes Spiffy in the ass. (take that whichever way you want to)
The third squadron goes to North America, but accidently end up in the wasteland that is Canada. Before doing their conquering stuff, the clones decide to watch a game of curling. Unfortunately, the sheer stupidity of it causes them all to commit suicide halfway through.
Wayne Gretzky rapes Spiffy in the ass.
Up next for the fouth squadron was South America. The current occupants welcome the Doom clones with open arms, and offer them lots of "sugar" as a welcoming gift. But the "sugar" turns out to be crack, and the clones OD.
Drug dealers rape Spiffy in the ass.
The fifth squadron went to Asia. A local merchant tells the clones that the Great Wall of China extends on forever in all directions, but becomes invisible after a certain point. The merchant was joking, cause he thought no one was that dumb. But the Doom squad was, and they all jumped off the Great Wall of China, falling to their deaths.
Rice rapes Spiffy in the ass.
The sixth squadron goes to Australia. But for some strange reason, all the clones in this squad brought frogs with them. For introducing a foreign animal into the Australian enviorement, all the clones were beheaded.
Kangaroos rape Spiffy in the ass.
The last group of Doom clone go to Antarctica. Being morons, they thought that Antarctica was a tropical paradise, and brought only shorts and t-shirts. They all froze to death.
Penguins rape Spiffy in the ass.
And so, world domination failed. And due to their unreliability, Doom clones were never produced again. But for some unexplainable reason, Spiffy continued to get raped in the ass.
Sabrewithasword
Resistance Hot-head
Posts: 11529
(3/13/02 11:14:32 pm)
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Re: Attack of the killer french people
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::Off in Saskatchewan, before joining Apocalypse's forces, Sabre plays curling::
Sabre: It's a good sport, eh!
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3393
(3/14/02 10:32:24 pm)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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And then
In the mist of whatever the Hell's going on, three strange yet amazing little men emerge from the shadows and take turns raping Spiffy in the ass
Strange yet amazing little man #1: Hi I'm Canadian iventor James Naismith and I'm here to punch David in the face
Strange yet amazing little man #2: Hello, my name is Joe Shuster and I would also like to punch David in the face
Strange yet amazing little man #3: Hola, I'm Alexander Graham Bell and I want to DRY FUCK THIS AMERICAN BASTARD
The three hostile Canadian inventors scream as they advance on David and all his American patriosism.
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Hey, hey what's going on here?
James Naismith: I am sick and tired of all these uneducated American assholes trying to claim Basketball as "There sport" if I knew this was gonna happen I would of never invented that stupid game.
Cybertronian Halfbreed: A Canadian invented Basketball? ...........get out a here
James Naismith: Maybe I would of invented something with egg cartons, people seem to like egg cartons
Joe Shuster: I once tried to shove an egg carton up my ass
Cybertronian Halfbreed: That's very intresting.........hey your the guy who created Superman, why on Earth are you here?
Joe Shuster: In Superman II, Superman steals the American flag from the moon, and begins to fly it arround the Earth as the American national anthem plays proudly in the background
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Yeah that was stupid
Joe Shuster: I didn't create Superman to be American, I created Superman to KILL Americans
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Aw, Americans aren't so bad
James Naismith: Nah......I agree, they could prove to be quite useful if they would just quit thinking that the entire World revolves around them.
Alexander Graham Bell: I say we DRY FUCK HIS AMERICAN ASS
The three Canadian inventors scream out obcenities as they begin to charge at David
But once again Halfbreed intreferes.
Cybertronian Halfbreed: Would you guys stop it?
James Naismith: But he's arrogant.
Cybertronian Halfbreed: But can you blame him?........America invented Gang violence
James Naismith: I dare him, I dare him to say something non arrogant
David: Oh big deal
"You invented Superman......we invented Captain America, and he's way cooler then Superman because he's American and America is way cooler then Canada because are beer sucks and everytime we lose a Hockey game we say that we let you win"
James Naismith: Oh and I bet you think you guys won the War of 1812 too
David: Uh no, we only teach are kids about the wars we won, and if we didn't win them, we rewrite history in a large Hollywood production starring the guy from Braveheart and then we rig the accademy awards so he wins in every category....
((Uh I'm just babbleing and I'm pretty sure the Patriot is pretty acurate, I apoligize for any anger my Patriot bashing may cause))
James Naismith: Well that's good......because you didn't win it
David: Uh yeah we did...........we killed General Brock
James Naismith: One man, you killed one man.......you mean to tell me that the entire war was about one man?
David: Yes and we killed him
Cybertronian Halfbreed: That doesn't make any sense Dave
David: That's because you haven't seen the Patriot 2
"A new movie filled with new lies, starring Mel Gibson and that chick from Seinfeld"
James Naismith: Oh I've had enough of this
Alexander Graham Bell: Let's DRY FUCK HIS AMERICAN ASS
Once again the Canadian inventors attack with fury, but this time Cybertronian is too confused to stop them
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I can't belive there making a sequel to the Patriot
James Naismith: Die, die you American scum
Alexander Graham Bell: I'm DRY FUCKING HIS AMERICAN ASS
David screams in sheer horror as the three Canadians demonstrate there true ass kicking ability
David: Mommy, I wan't my mommy
Joe Shuster: Let my foot be the Kryptonite of your ass
And as the red blood of an American drips from David's mighty American ears
Taylor (A Canadian himself) watches on with shame
Taylor: I've had all I can stands, I cant stands nomore
James Naismith: Hey! What are you doing?
Taylor: Leave David alone.........he has done you no wrong
James Naismith: But he's an arrogant American
Taylor: Oh yeah
Taylor laughs evily as he begins to rappidly kick David in the head
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1159
(3/21/02 12:45:43 am)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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But then the Canadians made a crucial mistake.
Naismith: "Let's get more Canadians in here to show up this stupid, arrogant, American!"
Joe Schuster: "Someone tough, unlike all of us..."
So the Canadians decide to get Ty Cobb to come. And he does.
Ty: "Why am I here?"
Ty is a little slow, if you get my meaning.
Naismith: "because your Canadian, and you should stand with us in our moment of glory!"
Ty: "I'm not Canadian."
Schuster: "Yes you are, I read it on your baseball card."
Ty: "No, I'm not. I grew up there, but I was born in and lived most of my life in America."
Naismith: "Which means..."
Schuster: "...he's on the other side...."
Now, for those of you who don't know much about Ty Cobb, he was the meanest son of a bitch to ever play the game of baseball. A pitcher once hit him on accident with a wild pitch, and Cobb walked out to the wound and beat the shit out of him, right there on the field. Broke four ribs. A couple years later, he beat a guy to death with his bare hands. No apparent reason.
So now that he's angry with the Canadians, all they can really hope to do is die like men.
But they are still Canadian, so they won't even die like men. But oh yes, they do die. Die, horrible deaths.
But on a cheerier note, CAC suddenly blinks in out of nowhere.
Halfbreed: "Who invited you?"
CAC: "Bob Barker."
Halfbreed: "THAT BASTARD!"
And so, Shadow Wolf, Halfbreed, and CAC set out to have their revenge on Bob Barker. It was a long and perilous journey, and they learned many things along the way.
THE END
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Um...what about me?"
You're dead.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "No I'm not."
Yes you are.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "No one actually ever killed me."
Okay, well, bang, now you are dead.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "You can't just say bang and have me all of a sudden be dead."
Yes I can, I'm the narrator, I can do whatever the hell I want.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "That's not a very good attitude."
Like you can talk, you're French.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Point taken."
Yeah, thought so.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "So what ever happened to the other guys?"
I told you already. It was a long and perilous journey, and they learned many things along the way.
It was a long and perilous journey, and they learned many things along the way.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Yeah, but that answers... nothing."
Fine then, they took a cab and arrived at Barker's penthouse. But Winston had gotten there first. So everyone was high as a kite before long. Barker took off all of his clothes and raped Spiffy in the ass. That's when all hell broke loose.
Tipper Gore broke into the room holding a machine gun. Bing Crosby busted in through the opposite window spraying bullets all over the place.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Now hold on a sec, that doesn't even make sense."
Hush, it gets better.
So, um...everyone died.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "What? You can't do that!"
Think about it, if everyone's dead, then none of them will come back to kill you.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Oh. Good point. In that case, bang, they're all dead."
No they aren't
Finger Breaking French Guy: "What? But you just said--"
I said nothing of the sort. Bob Barker got shot 86 times, but somehow lived. Tipper Gore grew a beard and moved to Nantucket. Bing Crosby remembered that he's dead, and decided to go back to his grave.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "And the others...?"
CAC wasn't really serving a purpose on this topic, so he suddenly disappeared to Canada, where he was put through the horrible torture of having to watch curling.
Shadow Wolf went on a soul searching journey. He met up with a druid at Stonehenge who taught him that maybe there's more to life than cooking and being evil. Then he killed the druid and used his scalp to make a lovely stew.
Halfbreed bought a strip club. But it wasn't until after his purchase that he realized it was a male strip club. He then sold it to Spiffy and decided to start a Mr T fanclub. Then he remembered that Mr T had nearly killed him, so he quit the fanclub, making Spiffy President of it in his stead. He later travelled to an undiclosed location.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Which is....?"
Right behind you.
Finger Breaking French Guy turns around to see Shadow Wolf and Halfbreed standing there.
Halfbreed: "All life in France has just been annihilated. I bet you Frenchy pants people are wishing you had nucleur capability now, don't you?"
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Um..."
Halfbreed: "Too late. The correct answer is 'Please kill me, Mr. Superior Canadian.' And i'll be happy to oblige."
Dante Eriksson
Little Lizard Boy
Posts: 254
(3/21/02 12:51:17 am)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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::Meanwhile, Sabre has sex on the ice amidst the curling rocks. Not with a Frenchman, but rather a French-speaking Canadian::
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1160
(3/21/02 2:22:43 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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CAC covers his eyes, cause he really didn't want to see that.
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3395
(3/21/02 4:46:27 pm)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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But Halfbreed isn't Canadian
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I'm not Canadian
He's from Cybertron
Cybertronian Halfbreed: I'm from Cybertron
Halfbreed smiles as he proudly points to the red Autobot symbol on his chest
Cybertronian Halfbreed: And were gonna defeat you the same way my Cybertronian brothers defeated Omicron in Transformers the movie
David: Didn't they explode his head from the inside?
Shadow Wolf: Nah, it had something to do with the Matrix of Leadership, yeah it Lead him to death
Finger Breaking French guy: I haven't seen that movie
Taylor: I can't remember what happens in that movie
Shadow Wolf: I'm telling you it's the Matrix of Leadership, that annoying Hotrod guy eats it and then he transforms into an annoying mini van thing, then he mini vans him to death
David: Oh if only Lia was here, she knows everything there is to know about Transformers
Lia: Actually I am here
Light shines down from the heavens as a young and may I add very beautiful women steps out from the sewers
David: Oh boy Lia's here
Taylor: Were saaaaaaved
Lia: Y'see what happend is..........
But before Lia can tell them, she is rudely intreupted
Taylor: Hey someones rudely intreupting
Halfbreed: It's me, I'm rudely intreupting..
...... GO AWAY LIA
David: You don't like Lia?
Taylor: What kind of an evil bastard doesn't like Lia?
Shadow Wolf: I don't even know Lia, and I like her already
Finger breaking French guy: What's not to like?
Halfbreed: It's not that I don't like Lia, it's that were getting a little off topic here
David: Oh
Halfbreed: The next time I say "Will defeat him the same way my Cybertronian brothers defeated Omicron in Transformers the movie" I wan't you to say "Gee Halfbreed how did they defeat him?"
David: Oh ok
Taylor: Sounds good to me
Halfbreed: Will defeat him the same way my Cybertronian brothers defeated Omicron in Transformers the movie
David: So Lia, I really like what you've done with your hair
Taylor: Yeah it's really nice
Halfbreed: No, no, no, no, no GO AWAY LIA!
Lia: What did I do?
David: She didn't do anything
Taylor: Oh for pete sakes..........Gee Halfbreed how did they defeat him?
Halfbreed: They did it, they did it, they did it......
Halfbreed's body begins to sparkle as he rappidly spins around and when he stops he is now sporting a bad ass Village people mustache and wearing a bad ass Village people costume (He's the leather queen ) he smiles as he points at Shadow Wolf
Halfbreed: With class
Powerful music booms in the background as Shadow Wolf magically begins to bop to the beat, but this isn't your average every day run of the mill Shadow Wolf, oh no, this is your average every day run of the mill Shadow Wolf dressed in a Sailors outfit
***Standard Musical number***
Halfbreed: They wan't you, they wan't you, they wan't you as a new recruit
Shadow Wolf: Who me?.......But I'm afraid of water
Taylor & David(Dressed as the cowboy and construction worker): In the Navy
Halfbreed: yes, you can sail the seven seas.
Taylor & David: In the Navy
Halfbreed: yes, you can put your mind at ease.
Taylor & David: In the Navy
Halfbreed: come on now people, make a stand.
Taylor & David: In the Navy
Halfbreed: come on, protect the motherland.
Finger breaking French guy(Speaking not singing): What the Hell are you people doing?
***Music stops***
Shadow Wolf: Um I don't think this is working
Halfbreed: Of course it's not working, we don't have the Village people Indian, you can't be the true Village people without the Village people Indian
Lia: I'll be the Indian
Halfbreed: But the question is where, where will we find someone brave enough to be the Indian?
Lia: I'll be the Indian
Halfbreed: This person would have tro be brave, cunning, y'know a real hero
Lia: Um I'll be the Indian
Halfbreed: But where, where will we find someone that great?
Lia: Um Hello, big fat Indian right here, yep I got the stuff
Halfbreed: Oh damn it..........will never find an Indian
Lia:
Mr. T: I pitty da foo, who ignores a pretty lady
All: MR. T?
David: Um I thought you were dead
Taylor: Yeah, and I thought you were on that French guy's side
Mr.T: Look are we gonna dance, or are we just gonna stand around like wussy little girls?
Halfbreed: Are you saying what I think your saying?
Mr.T: You got that right SUCKA
Hip and uplifting music booms in the background as Mr.T changes into his Indian costume, and poor Lia watches on with great sadness as the boys get ready to sing
Lia: I just wanna dance, that's all, I just wanna dance
**Another standard musical number**
All the good guys (Accept Lia): Macho, macho man
Halfbreed only: I gotta be a macho man
All (Accept for Lia of course): Macho macho man
I gotta be a macho Macho, macho man I gotta be a macho man Macho macho man I gotta be a macho......
Finger breaking French guy(Speaking): NOOOooooooo not the Village people
Halfbreed(speaking): Your going down bitch
The body of the Finger Breaking French guy begins to shake violently as the members of the newly formed Village people (Version 2) begin to dance around him
Halfbreed(Singing again):Body, my body, body, wanna feel my body
All(Without Lia):Body, baby, body, body, come and thrill my body Body, baby, body, body, love to funk, my body
Body, baby, body, body, it's so hot, my body
Shadow Wolf(Feeling and caressing his manly chest): So hot, yeah my body ALRIGHT
**The music stops**
David: Did it work? Is he dead?
Halfbreed: He has to be, we got all Village people on his ass
Taylor: Yeah he's probabally dead, hey let's go get a cappichino
Mr.T: I pitty da foo who likes cappichinos
Finger breaking French guy: I prefer lemonade myself
David: He's not dead
Halfbreed: Wha?
Taylor: He's some sort of indistructable monster
Finger breaking French guy: BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Shadow Wolf: He didn't die with the dancing? I thought for sure the dancing would kill him
Lia: It will
*Heroic music*
Lia: You just gotta know the right moves
David: It's Lia
Halfbreed: Is she still here?
Lia: That's Supermatic Dancer Lia to you Halfbreed
Taylor: Lia can dance?
Lia: Like an angel
Heroic and glorious music plays in the background as Lia prepares to strut her dance stuff
**Lia's big heroic moment**
Lia(Singing and dancing up a storm): Dale a tu cuerpo alegria
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
David: Ehhhh, Macarena
Halfbreed(Angry and speaking): What the Hell are you doing David?
David(Speaking and answering his question): I've never seen anyone dance like that before, I think it might work but we have to help her out
Taylor: Yeah we have to lend her are power
Finger breaking French guy: I don't care how much power you lend her, you'll never defeat me with the Macarena
Lia: SHUT UP ........Your reign of terror has come to an end Frenchy, and I no make that we have the power to stop you
All(Accept Halfbreed): Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Mr.T: Ehhhh, Macarena
Blood begins to pour from his nose as the finger breaking French guy grabs his head in pain.
Finger breaking French guy: NOOOOOoooo
David: It's working, it's actually working
Taylor: Yeah keep it up Lia
Halfbreed: Bleeeeh Lia can't dance
All(Accept Lia): Wha wha?
Halfbreed: I said Lia can't dance........she's the worst dancer I've ever seen
David: What are you insane? She's so bloody gracefull
Halfbreed: She sucks goat penis
Lia: What? BWAAAAAAAH!
As the greatly saddened Lia falls to her knees in tears, the evil Finger breaking French guy can feel his power returning, and he celibrates this joyous occasion with a nice hardy evil laugh
Finger breaking French guy: MWAHAHAHAHAHA
Lia(Thinking): Why does Halfbreed hate me so much? All I did was love him
Halfbreed(Thinking): I hate being so mean to the poor little thing, but it's the only way I know how to mask my true feelings
Lia(Thinking): I love him so much
Halfbreed(Thinking): Theres no way a girl like Lia would ever be intrested in a bum like me
Lia(Thinking): Call me a hopeless romantic but I can't help being intrested in Halfbreed's bum
Halfbreed(Thinking): She's so beautiful, but theres more to it then that, I'm in love with her inner person
Lia(Thinking): I could care less about Halfbreed's jackass inner person all I care about is the way his butt looks in those pants
Halfbreed(Thinking): Lia bought me these pants for my birthday
Lia(Thinking): Speaking of birthdays I can't belive what that idiot bought me for my last one
Halfbreed(Thinking): Awww panties, the gift that keeps on giving
David(Thinking): Wow I can read minds, this is amazing
Halfbreed(Thinking): I love Lia
David(Thinking): Who would of thought that Halfbreed secretly loved Lia?
Lia(Thinking): and I love Halfbreed's ass
David(Thinking): And who would of thought Lia was so ass enthusiastic?
Lia(Thinking): I love big butts and I can not lie
David(Thinking): I wonder how she feels about my sexy rump
.........it's so sexy
Lia(Thinking): Boy am I ever glad Halfbreed's ass isn't like that David's, I don't think I could handle myself if it was
David(Thinking): Wow she digs it, she actually digs it
Lia(Thinking): It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen
David: You bitch
Lia: What did I do?
David: You know what you did
Finger breaking French guy: I've had enough of these games, now YOU DIE
Wow in this post true feelings were revealed, but the true battle is about to begin, no, no I'm not talking about the secret love between Halfbreed and Lia, no, no I'm not talking about David and Taylor either I'm talking about the WAR
And the war is just about to begin
AvengingAngel214
Shadow Warrior
Posts: 1162
(3/21/02 6:56:01 pm)
Reply Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Mark Tremonti walks up.
"Hi, I'm Mark Tremonti."
Scott Phillips walks up.
"Hi, I'm Scott Phillips."
Halfbreed and Taylor wonder who the hell they are.
Halfbreed and Taylor and Lia too, just for the hell of it: "Who the hell are you guys?"
Mark Tremonti is the electric and bass guitars player for Creed.
Mark Tremonti: "I'm the electric and bass guitars player for Creed."
Scott Phillips is the the drummer for Creed.
Scott Phillips: "I'm the drummer for Creed."
David: "How can you not know who Creed is? Creed rules."
Scott and Mark: "Yeah, we rule."
Taylor and Lia too, just for the hell of it: "We're Canadians, we don't know anything about good music."
Halfbreed: "And I'm from Cybertron, and there's a law against listening to Creed in Cybertron."
David: "Wow, that's quite surprising, and disappointing. Here we are in France, and two of the three members of Creed, one of the best bands in the world, just show up out of nowhere, and you guys don't even know who they are."
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Creed sucks."
David: "Oh, now you've done it. We're gonna kick your ass now. Hey, where's Scott Stapp?"
Halfbreed, Taylor, and Lia too, just for the hell of it, all wonder who Scott Stapp is.
Halfbreed, Taylor, and Lia too, just for the hell of it: "Who is Scott Stapp?"
David: "He's the lead singer of Creed. Shit, what kind of music do you Canadians listen to?"
Lia: "Why, Blue Rodeo of course!"
Taylor: "Cool Canadians don't listen to Blue Rodeo."
David: "What about Cybertronians?"
Halfbreed: "What? I wasn't paying attention."
David: "Never mind Halfbreed. So, where's Scott Stapp?"
Finger Breaking French Guy: "I kidnapped him."
David: "What? Why?"
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Because the narrator just said that the war is about to begin. And what kind of war doesn't have hostages and kidnappings?"
David: "A war with French people maybe?"
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Hey, what's that supposed to mean punk?"
David: "What's the first thing they teach French soldiers?"
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Dunno."
David: "How to surrender in Arabic."
Now, since I'm the narrator, I won't question how the Finger Breaking French Guy learned to speak American slang, but I will tell you that about that time, Christmas came around.
Taylor: "But it's March!"
Not anymore. Shut up and let me tell the story.
Now, Finger Breaking French Guy lived alone on a hill with his pet French dog, Max. He looked down on the village below to see all the villagers laughing happily.
And it made him mad.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "I'm mad."
So Finger Breaking French Guy decided to steal Christmas that year. Christmas Eve, he went down to the village when eveyone was asleep, in a sled pulled by his french dog, Max.
And he began stealing the toys. He stole Christmas trees, wreaths, decorations, presents, everything. But at the last house, Finger Breaking French Guy was too loud, and he woke up one particular girl.
Yup, little Susie Lia.
Now, since I'm the narrator, I won't question why Lia temporarily changed her name to Susie Lia, and somehow de-aged into a little girl, but I will tell you that little Susie Lia was very suspicious about the man stealing all her family's Christmas stuff.
little Susie Lia: "Why, Santy Claus? Why are you stealing Christmas?"
Finger Breaking French Guy: "I'm not Santy Claus, I'm the Finger Breaking French Guy. Get out of my way little girl."
And so Finger Breaking French Guy knocked little Susie Lia down and drove away. Little Susie Lia was pretty pissed, and flipped Finger Breaking French Guy the bird as he drove away.
little Susie Lia: "Fuck you Santy Claus, FUCK YOU!!!"
And so, the Finger Breaking French Guy drove away with all the Christmas stuff in his sled driven by his French dog, Max. But as he got back to his hilltop, he looked back down on the villiage to see the villiagers joining hands and signing With Arms Wide Open. Mark Tremonti played guitar, and Scott Phillips worked the drums, but there was no Scott Stapp, so the villiagers sang in his place.
Now, I'm just a simple narrator of stories, and I don't know what really happened, but what they say is that Finger Breaking French Guy's heart grew three sizes that day.
But down the hill Finger Breaking French Guy sped, down to the village.
Villagers: "Yay, our toys! Our trees! Our decorations! Can we have them back now Finger Breaking French Guy?"
Finger Breaking French Guy: "No, no you can't. But you can have Scott Stapp, cause the rest of you sing horribly."
Now, needless to say, the villagers were pretty piss off. That's when everything warped back into the current settings. It's March, little Susie Lia has became just Lia again, and everyone is back in France.
Taylor: "That was a really horrible story."
David: "I agree, but it's okay, because Creed is now fully assembled, which makes us unbeatable."
Finger Breaking French Guy: "Not quite, we've assembled a band of our own. Say hello to---"
Dramatic pause.
Finger Breaking French Guy: "VAN HALEN!"
There they stood. One of the greatest rock bands ever. Eddie Van Halen, Alex Van Halen, Michael Anthony, David Lee Roth, and Sammy Hagar.
David: "I...I thought you guys were retired!"
Finger Breaking French Guy: "They were. But now they're back. And your pitiful band can't stand up to the awesome power of Van Halen."
Halfbreed: "Not to interrupt, but since I don't know who any of these people are, I thought I'd point out that Shadow Wolf hasn't talked this entire time."
David:"What's the matter Shadow Wolf? Cat got your tongue?"
The small group turned around to see that the cat did, indeed, have Shadow Wolf's tongue.
Halfbreed: "Hey, that's Shadow Wolf's tongue! Give it back, stupid cat!"
Mr T: "I pity da foo who thinks cats are stupid."
If you haven't figured it out yet, this was no ordinary cat. This was Mr T's cat. And nobody, nobody messes with Mr T's cat.
Halfbreed: "On second thought, let's just let the cat keep the tongue. You don't really need it anyway, right Shadow Wolf?"
Shadow Wolf: "es eh oo."
Halfbreed: "Didn't think so."
But while the cat had caused this great distraction, Finger Breaking French Guy had gotten Van Halen to start playing.
David: "Creed! You must fight back!"
Creed: Can you taker me Higher? To a place where blind men see."
Van Halen: "We'll get higher and higher, straight up we'll fly."
Creed: "Can you take me higher? To a place with golden streets."
Van Halen: "We'll get higher and higher, leave it all behind."
David: "It's no use! Van Halen is overpowering them!"
David thinks fast. Yup, sounds hard to believe, but David actually thinks fast.
David: "Wait a minute! David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar, don't you guys hate each other?"
The two singers of Van Halen turn to look at each other.
David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar: "That's right, we do."
David Lee Roth and Dammy Hagar start beating the shit out of each other, but Van Halen was still narrowly winning. That's when Shadow Wolf steps forward.
Shadow Wolf: "Ith i ime oo y."
Because he had no tongue, no one could understand Shadow Wolf's heroic words. But what he was trying to say was "It's my time to fly."
And so Shadow Wolf rushes over to Creed, and allows himself to dissipate into pure energy. As his life faded into nothingness, his final power greatly boosts Creed's power.
Now, they were unstoppable.
Scott Stapp: "CAUSE WHEN YOU ARE WITH ME, I'M FREE! I'M CARELESS, I BELIEVE. ABOVE ALL THE OTHERS, WE'LL FLY! THIS BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES!"
Mark Tremonti wails away on the electric guitar, and Scott Phillips pounds on the drums. And when the last words of Creed's biggest hit ever are spoken, the spectators of this unbelievable event can only think about how those same words perfectly describe Shadow Wolf's final act:
"MY SACRIFICE"
The sheer awesomeness of Creed literally blows Van Halen away, as they seem to evaporate before everyone's eyes.
And as Mark Tremonti hits that final cord, Finger Breaking French Guy knows he's beaten. He tries to run, but his story has come to an end. He runs right into a very angry Cybertronian Halfbreed, who punches him only once. But once was enough, as Finger Breaking French Guy's head explodes right before their eyes.
Sabrewithasword
Resistance Hot-head
Posts: 11577
(3/21/02 11:32:42 pm)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Lia says "Wow Taylor, all that and you didn't even get Unicron's name right. His name wasn't Omicron!"
Taylor: "Eh, same difference."
Lia: "I think not, but that's the first time I've had a thought all day."
Jim Cuddy and Greg Keelor of Blue Rodeo show up and kick David in the ass. Then they run away before Halfbreed can hump them to death....because everyone knows Halfbreed is fond of humping people until mental anguish sets in.
Captain Ham A Roid
100% PORK
Posts: 3396
(3/21/02 11:34:36 pm)
Reply
Re: Attack of the killer french people
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Halfbreed stares down at his all powerful blood covered hand in sheer aw, he knew he was powerful enough to punch an old hasbeen 80's action star into the sun, but he never imagined he could do this.
Halfbreed: Woah that was some Mike Tyson shit, right there
Halfbreed continues to stare down at his massive and may I add powerful hands until he is intreupted by a semi stuttering and extremely girly voice.
Mike Tyson: I...I....I would of bit his ear off
Halfbreed: MIKE TYSON
Mike Tyson: Please, please no autographs
Halfbreed: Um I don't think any of us want your autograph
Mike Tyson: I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all.
Halfbreed: Um that's nice
Mike Tyson: I like butterflies
Halfbreed: What are you doing here Tyson?.....Besides waisting are loyal readers precious time
Mike Tyson: Do you really think a French person could plan an attack on th US. that ended half as good as this one did
Halfbreed: No but I don't think an idiot like you could either
Mike Tyson: I'm not retarted, Don King just writes me that way
Halfbreed: But why Tyson? Why did you do it?
Mike Tyson: I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children.
Halfbreed: Oh I see.............. YOUR A RAIVING LOON
Mike Tyson: Actually I just did it for the attention
Don King: Actually you did it because I told you too
Halfbreed: DON KING
Don King grins evilily as he reaches into his enormous hair and pulls out an equally enormous gun
Halfbreed: Look out Tyson, he's gotta gun
But Halfbreed's warning is too little too late, which is demonstrated by the tiny little peices of Tyson's tiny little brain that drip down from Halfbreed's stern face
Mike Tyson: Gee that's funny I don't remember you telling me too try and take over America
Don King: That's because I didn't remember to remember to tell you to remember that
Mike Tyson: Can we ride the Farris wheel now?........I've been a good little boy
Don King: Don't make me shoot you again
Halfbreed: You won't get away with this
Halfbreed screams dramatically as he readys his KO fists
Don King: Oh I'm afraid I already have, y'see by my calculations Jerry Lewis was the only man on this planet powerful enough to stop me, and thanks to my secret munipulation of you
................................he's dead
Halfbreed: Since when did you munipulate me?
Don King: Munipulating people is what I do
Halfbreed: Hey I read your autobiography and it said you were only able to munipulate stupid people like Mike Tyson and Jerry Sienfeld
And I'll have you know I am far from stupid
David: Not that far
Halfbreed: Hey
David: Bwahahahahahaha
Don King: Oh it's true, at first I only had the power to munipulate total morons like Mike Tyson and Hillary Clinton
But now thanks to my Mega Munipulation helmet, I can munipulate anyone..............and total morons like Mike Tyson
Mike Tyson: Hey
Don King: Bwahahahahahaha
Halfbreed: So where do you keep this so call Mega Munipulation helmet?
David: My guess it's in his hair
Taylor: Good guess
Don King: Nah that's where I keep my wife and kids
Don King jr: Hello
Don King: Son would you go back inside?.....Daddy's trying to work
Don King jr: No, I wan't a pony, you promised me a pony
David can't help but laugh as Don King jr. kicks his father in the knees and runs off crying
Taylor: Um.......cute kid
Don King: Yes his mother and I are very proud
Halfbreed: So if it's not in your hair, where do you keep your helmet?
Don King: The one place no one would expect to find anything....
..........Mike Tyson's pants
Mike Tyson can't help but blush as Don King reaches in and pulls out what appears to be a large refrigarator
Don King: And with this helmet all of America will bow down to me and give me all of there stuff
Halfbreed: It's always about stuff with you evil guys isn't it?
Don King: Yes
Halfbreed: Well were gonna stop you
Don King: And how do you espect to do that? There are only two people on this planet powerful enough to stop me, and there both dead.
David: Well we still got Creed, and Creed is the most powerful rock band in the history of this universe
Don King: Really? There that powerful?
David: Well I bet they have tatoo's on there ass powerfull enough to defeat you
Don King: Hmmmmm
Don King thinks for a minute, and then proceeds to shoot all 3 members of Creed in the head (Killing them instantly)
David: That's ok, cause we still have Mr.T and he doesn't even die when you punch him into the sun
Don King: Hmmmmm
Don King smiles as bits of Mr.T's brain splatter all over the place.
David: That's ok, because we still have Taylor, and he's a powerful Canadian who can touch the tip of his nose with his tounge
Don King: Hmmmmm
Don King readies himself to shoot Taylor in the head, but since Taylor doesn't want to die a virgin, he is smothered to death by Dolly Parton's enormus breasts
David: That's ok, because we still have Dolly Parton and her enormus breasts
Don King: Hmmmmm
Don King gives Dolly his phone number, and she quickly leaves
Halfbreed: That's ok, because we still have David, and he's a powerful mind reader whose allergic to milk
Don King: He's allergic to milk?
David: It gives me gas
Don King: It gives me gas too
David: But I thought I was the only one
Don King: So this is how it feels when doves cry
David and Don both whipe tears from their eyes as they run towards eachother and embrace eachother in a gigantic hug
David: I did it, I stole Don King's gun
Don King: You bastard
David: Do you think I'd really hug someone as ugly as you, without having an alteriave motive?
Don King: Well I had an alteriave motive too
David: You did?
Don King: ..........I grabbed your ass
David: Yeah I felt that
Don King: Join me David, be my bride
Halfbreed: Don't do it David
Don King:But he has to, because I'm so sexy
David: But I have to because he's so sexy
Halfbreed: It's the helmet, David you have to fight it
Don King: But he's powerless against it
David: But I'm powerless against it
Halfbreed: No David fight
Don King: You love me David
David: I love you slave master Don
Don King: And I love you too, David...........my little bitch
Halfbreed: No David you don't love him, you only think you do
David: Just like you only think you love Lia
Lia: Huh?
Halfbreed: How did you know that?
David: I'm a powerful mind reader remember
Lia: You read his mind and it said he loved me?
David: Yeah but I've known ever since the time we all went to the beach and you wore that skimpy little pink bikeeni
Halfbreed: Shuuuuuuuuuuuut up
David: Well you should of seen the size of his boner
Halfbreed: Shuuuuuuuuuuuut up
Lia: You had a boner for me?
Halfbreed: Uh maybe just a small one
David: But I did read his mind though
Halfbreed: You did?
David: Just like I read Lia's
Lia: You read mine too?
David: Just like I'm reading Don King's mind right now
Don King:
David: Whose the bitch now?
Don King: How, did you?.......who did you?......How did you escape my mind control?
David: Oh poo it appears I have a confession to make, y'see my real name isn't it Dave
.........It's Proffesor Charles Xaivor
Halfbreed and Lia gasp in shock as David pulls off his wig revealing his big bald head
David: And now I'm gonna shut down your brain
Don King:
Mike Tyson: You'll shut down his brain over my dead body
David: I'd shut down your brain too, if you only had one
Halfbreed: Ya know Tyson, there's something I've been meaning to do to you, ever since the begining of this post
Mike Tyson: Oh yeah, what's that?
Halfbreed just grins as he launches his mighty fists and decapitates his head
Halfbreed: That
Don King: Ok, Ok you don't need to shut down my brain, you've killed Tyson, and he was the real brains behind this opperation, yeah yeah it was all his idea, shut down HIS brain
David: I'm sorry Don, but I'm Charles Xaivor and shutting down peoples brains is what I do
Halfbreed: Wow Lia, I guess everything turned out for the best, David shut down Don King's brain, Mr.T is dead, and that annoying Shadow Wolf guy finally found purpose in the world
And to top it all off, were finally together
Lia: Halfbreed, theres something I have to say
Halfbreed: In a minute baby, in a minute
Lia: No Halfbreed now
Halfbreed: Geeze baby it's like you were breaking up with me or something
Lia: I'm sorry Halfbreed
Halfbreed: You are breaking up with me?
Lia: It's not you, it's me
Halfbreed: Don't give me that it's not you it's me crap, it's me and you know it
Lia: Alright it's you
Halfbreed: Huh
Lia: Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna go find myself a nice man named Stan get married and settle down
Halfbreed: I can change my name to Stan and marry you
Lia: But you can't settle down, your a hero Halfbreed, and you'll always be a hero
I'm sorry but it's a well known fact that heroes just can't settle down
Halfbreed: That's just not true..........I can settle down, I can get married.....I.....I can have a family
Martha Stewart: I'm glad you feel that way Halfbreed
Halfbreed: Martha?
Martha Stewart: Because I'm pregnant
Halfbreed: NOOOOOOOOOOO
And that's the end, the story of how two anti heroes risked it all to save the world from unspeakable evil, so it didn't end out too well for the both of them, who cares, at least David's happy
David: And I am happy, yes I'm truly happy
So tell us what happened after the whole shut down Don King's mind thing
David: Well, Halfbreed killed himself, Martha gave birth to a healthy skateboard and I, well I changed my name to Stan
Lia: Oh STAAAAAAAAN
David: Coming honey
*The end*
Happy endings kick ass
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