Quotes that make you feel smart
These will make you feel smarter...
Question: If you could live forever,
would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever,
because we should not live forever, because if
we were supposed to live forever, then we would
live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why
I would not live forever."
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor
starving kids all over the world, I can't help
but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not
with all those flies and death and stuff,"-Mariah Carey
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to
comply with the law."-- David Dinkins, New York City
Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life."-Brooke Shields,
during an interview to become spokesperson for a
federal antismoking campaign.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body." --Winston Bennett, University of
Kentucky basketball forward.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country."-Mayor Marion Barry,
Washington,DC.
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."-
Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."-Hillary Clinton,
commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to
death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
-- A congressional candidate in Texas.
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great
country away from them. There were great numbers of
people who needed new land, and the Indians were
selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."-John Wayne
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
It's the impurities in our air and water that are
doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President
"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and
butter will be cut right out from under your feet."
-- Former British foreign minister,Ernest Bevin.
"I love California. I practically grew up in
Phoenix."-- Dan Quayle
"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds
could go one way or another" --George Bush, US President
"I have opinions of my own -strong opinions - but I
don't always agree with them."-George Bush, US President
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need?"-Lee Iacocca
"I was provided with additional input that was
radically different from the truth. I assisted in
furthering that version."-Colonel Oliver North,
from his Iran-Contra testimony.
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."-Joe Theisman, NFL football
quarterback & sports analyst.
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or
may not occur."-Al Gore, VP
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come
from overseas."-Keppel Enderbery
"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."-Dan Quayle
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the
only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin
harder in school so I could converse with those
people."-Dan Quayle VP
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of
Chicago.-Dan Quayle, VP
"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is
a state that is by itself. It is different from the
other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but
it's got a particularly unique situation."-Dan Quayle, VP
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
because we received notice that you passed away. May
God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change
in your circumstances."-Department of Social Services,
Greenville, South Carolina
"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in
which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a
defective in the police force. We meant, of course,
that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
--Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this
jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor
their heart throughout the night. And the next
morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a
record."-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman