Real ER stories (yikes)

INNER SKELETON 
A 63yr old widow was admitted to the hospital Recife, 
Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that 
she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus 
which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become 
lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from 
her body. 
 
FEMALE SOFA 
A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a 
hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler 
fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one 
of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged 
between the folds of her vulva. 
 
PRICKLY PAIR 
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations 
to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a 
rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex. 
After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that 
she had a surgical needle left inside her after a 
recent hysterectomy. 

PING PONG ANYONE? 
A 20yr old man came into the ER with a stony mass in 
his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were 
fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend 
had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a 
funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing 
constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a 
perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed, 
along with a ping pong ball. 
 
BLIND DRUNK 
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining 
of severe pain while trying to remove his contact 
lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but 
they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help 
using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a 
doctor examined him and discovered the man did not 
have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying 
to rip out the membrane of his cornea. 
 
(OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!) 
A couple hobbled into a Washington (state) emergency 
room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had 
his around his waist and the woman had hers around her 
head. They eventually explained to doctors that they 
had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. 
Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table 
to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act 
she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp 
down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to 
side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork 
and stabbed her in the head until she let go.