Real ER stories (yikes)
INNER SKELETON
A 63yr old widow was admitted to the hospital Recife,
Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that
she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus
which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become
lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from
her body.
FEMALE SOFA
A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a
hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler
fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one
of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged
between the folds of her vulva.
PRICKLY PAIR
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations
to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a
rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex.
After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that
she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
recent hysterectomy.
PING PONG ANYONE?
A 20yr old man came into the ER with a stony mass in
his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were
fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend
had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a
funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing
constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a
perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed,
along with a ping pong ball.
BLIND DRUNK
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining
of severe pain while trying to remove his contact
lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but
they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help
using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a
doctor examined him and discovered the man did not
have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying
to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
(OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!)
A couple hobbled into a Washington (state) emergency
room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had
his around his waist and the woman had hers around her
head. They eventually explained to doctors that they
had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner.
Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table
to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act
she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp
down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to
side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork
and stabbed her in the head until she let go.