Perfect Day for Everyone

PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN : 
 
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses. 
8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday. 
8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants. 
9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil. 
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer. 
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out. 
12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe. 
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs. 
1:00 Shopping with friends. 
4:00 Nap. 
6:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret 
admirer. 
6:15 Light walk in nature, followed by a gentle massage. 
7:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror. 
8:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing. 
10:00 Hot shower. Alone. 
10:30 Make love. 
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling. 
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms. 
 
PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN : 

6:00 Alarm. 
6:15 Blowjob. 
6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section of USA Today. 
7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee. 
7:30 Limo arrives. 
7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport. 
8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia. 
9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club. 
9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par. 
11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens. 
12:15 Blowjob. 
12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par. 
2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis. 
2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap. 
3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew. 
4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin-1249 lbs. 
5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked Kathy Ireland. 
7:00 Watch CNN Newsflash. Clinton resigns. 
7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 0z. New York 
strip. 
9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban 
cigar. 
10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs. 
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi. 
11:45 Go to bed. 
11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the 
room. 
11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.