PAGAN STANDARD TIME
PAGAN STANDARD TIME is a trait peculiar to Pagans,
and ranges in length from being late for a Circle,
to not showing up at all. A Pagan who is less
than two hours late is considered "on time" just
like the Long Island Railroad.
With nearly a million Pagans in the United States,
and twice as many in the rest of the world, we
believe it's high time a clock was designed which
would show time the way Pagans are used to seeing
it. And so, this proposal.
It has these special features:
1. The second hand is eliminated, since no Pagan
works on THAT tight a schedule.
2. Pagan Standard Time is measured by an extra
hand, which moves at about half the speed of the
hour hand.
3. There are 13 hours on the dial, thus making two
extra hours in the day for Pagans who are always
too busy to do anything.
4. Hours 5 through 8 have been eliminated, since
any Pagan at that time is a.) asleep, b.) just
getting to sleep c.) just waking up, d.) too busy,
or e.) unavailable.
5. To be sure that a Circle will begin on the
stroke of Midnight, there are two extra Midnight
hours.
6. For Pagans who begin Circles at 9 o'clock,
there are two extra ninth hours. Also two extra
tenth hours for late arrivals.
7. Since there is no eleventh hour, there is no
need for the Pagan to rush. There are no deadlines
to meet, there is no "last chance," and the
consistent goof-off will never have to face the
music.