Halloween Humor
Just a quick bit of humor for Halloween.
Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe and Happy Halloween.
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see
if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of
grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to
kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with
somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find
out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short
circuits; just get out!
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and
the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to
catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in
trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small
town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to
the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that
it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot
yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had
previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or
had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.