Comprehending Engineers
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Comprehending Engineers - Take One
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Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?"  The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike.  She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want."  "The second engineer nodded
approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
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To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty.  To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys?  We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"  The doctor chimed
in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!  "The pastor said,
"Hey, here comes the greenskeeper.  Let's have a word with him." [dramatic
pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us?  They're
rather slow, aren't they?"  The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a
group of blind firefighters.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse
from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."  The
group was silent for a moment.  The pastor said, "That's so sad.  I think
I will say a special prayer for them tonight."  The doctor said, "Good
idea.  And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy, and see if
there's anything he can do for them."  The engineer said, "Why can't these
guys play at night?"
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
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There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical.  After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired.  Several years later the company contacted him regarding
a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion dollar machines.  They had tried everything and everyone else
to get the machine to work but to no avail.  In desperation, they called
on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the
past.  The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.  He spent a day
studying the huge machine.  At the end of the day, he marked a small "x"
in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is
where your problem is".  The part was replaced and the machine worked
perfectly again.  The company received a bill for $50,000 from the
engineer for his service.  They demanded an itemized accounting of his
charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
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What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.  One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints."  Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer.  The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections."  The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer.  Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
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"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.  The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship.  The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there.  The engineer said, "I like
both." "Both?"  Engineer:  "Yeah.  If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can
go to the lab and get some work done."
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine
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An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".  He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.  The frog spoke up
again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week."  The engineer took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.  The frog
then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll
stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."  Again the engineer took the frog
out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.  Finally, the frog
asked, "What is the matter?  I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that
I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want.  Why won't you
kiss me?"  The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer.  I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."