Bad Day At Work
If you think you have got it bad at work, just read this and maybe 
you'll realize things are not so bad in the office

... Divers out of Louisiana perform underwater repairs on offshore 
drilling rigs. Below is an email one sent to his sister. Anytime you 
think you have had a bad day at the office, remember this letter... 
True story.......... 

Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had 
a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I 
first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. 

As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to 
the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite 
cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered 
industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of crap sucks the water 
out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp, then pumps it down 
to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. 
Now this sounds like a good plan, and I've used it several times with 
no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, 
is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck, this floods 
my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. 
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to 
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. 
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out 
from my back, but the damage was done. 

In agony I realized what had happened... The hot water machine had 
sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse 
than the poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that hose 
down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish 
couldn't get stuck to my back. The crack of my butt was not as 
fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was
actually grinding the jellyfish into my butt. 

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the comms. His 
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other 
divers, were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the 
dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression 
stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for my 
chamber dry decompression. 

I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass hermet. My suit and 
gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the medic, with 
tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream 
and told me to put it on my butt when I get in the chamber. The cream 
put the fire out, but I couldn't take a crap for two days because my 
butt... was swollen shut. 

I later found out that this could easily have been prevented if the 
suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship. 
Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. 
Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a 
jellyfish up your butt. I hope you have no bad days at the office. 
But if you do,I hope this will make them more tolerable.