I Saw It In The Paper
The following were actually taken from ads in the newspaper..( 
most are true, have seen them on the Jay Leno show).
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL-
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD, UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB - $850/ offer

AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE.
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS

FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG

2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR $15

TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, 
EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED.
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE

83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK - $2000

STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -  $15

SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED, SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE

FULL SIZED MATTRESS
30 YR WARRANTY
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL

FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME

FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED *************
CALL CHUBBIE ************

BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG
LOOKS LIKE A RAT.
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD

HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT"

HARRISBURG POSTAl EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN
89 cents lb.

NICE PARACHUTE -
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
SLIGHTLY STAINED

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.975 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR

NOTICE:
TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR 
SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE.  PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED.  PUMPKIN
MAY BE RADIOACTIVE.  ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175

OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER AND DRYER
$300

LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

GROUND BEAST:  99 cents lb.

GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE AND DONUTS

KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box

FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.  45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer.  No longer needed.  
Got married last weekend.  Husband knows everything.