i saw my own death,
longed for it
and fought for it
but never have i
witnessed my life
as i did
yesterday
sitting in a room
reading from the Gita
understanding
the mess i created
in the first place
knowing i must
fight the battle,
win my own inner war
and become
me
i saw my own death,
the funeral procession,
the gathering
and heard the murmurings
of friends
and those that hardly
knew me
and now i must
picture my life,
my wife
and future friends
and the man i will be
as opposed to
who i am now
and who i will
become
when i’m gone
the death of me
my own self-sacrifice
and why;
i have a burning pit
in my stomach
i have a cloudy day
in my head
i must kill the pain
before i go insane
death doesn’t scare me
maybe it should