10:00 p.m.
December 22, 1998
My mother passed away from complications dues to liver cancer at 4 a.m. on Tuesday December 22, 1992. She was 55 years old. One of the things I remember most about that time, short of the mourning process, was a realization I came to. I do not pretend to think it is an original thought. But it is nonetheless profound. Simply put, it is this: We are on this planet for such a short time and we do not know when that time will be up. There are guarantees in life, nor should there be. With that knowledge, one should make the best of every moment. I was thinking of the relationships we have with out loved ones. Specifically, I was thinking of the romantic relationships we have over our lives and how we should always work on those.
A few weeks ago, I thought about this again. I found myself outside at 3 a.m. one morning. There was not a cloud in the sky and there must have been countless millions of stars visible to my eyes. Again, I had a thought which was not original. And it was: each of us is just a small grain of sand on a small star in the huge expanse of space. There may be truth out there, but we'll likely never find it. The truth is here. In fact, we are the truth. Looking up at the stars reminded me of the thought I had six years ago, that we should work on relationships with the people we love and care about. Looking up at the stars reminded me that if there is indeed life out there, it is not mine. My life is around me.
That thought somehow connected with another one, the fear of being hurt in a relationship. It was not out of the blue. I was thinking of someone in particular, someone I care for very deeply. But she is hesitant to get involved with me or anyone because of a past relationship. I can understand this. We have all been hurt before. We all have our own horror stories to tell.
But one should never let their past dictate their future. And this is what we do when we do not allow ourselves to feel for someone because of what someone else did. It's not fair to that person nor is it fair to ourselves. We never know what may happen from one day to the next. And it called life for a reason. Life is to be lived. Live it. Love it. With all your heart. We should always embrace the uncertainty of life and love. In fact, we should revel in it.
Will we be hurt again? Of course. There's nothing we can do about it. And there's nothing we should do about it.
Or maybe this is a better way to put it. One of the guys in my chat room, Palehorse, posted this as a topic recently: "Work like you don't need money; love like you've never been hurt; dance like nobody's watching... happiness is a journey... not a destination."
Amen.
Joseph C. Hinson
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