December 26, 1998
2:15 a.m.
So that was Christmas? All things being equal, it was not that bad. I mean, no one I knew died this year. My sister did have to go to the the ER for a few hours Christmas Eve, but that was it. And it did rain the whole two days and never reached more than 35 degrees. But other than that...
So as I was sitting in the ER waiting room, I could not help but to think of a few things. See, I have a tendency to always expect the worse when something like this happens. It started in 1992. See, I did not fully realize how serious my mother's condition was until she came home on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and told us the doctors had only given her so long to live. So while she was going back and forth to the doctor and hospital in Charlotte, I was at home looking for a job, or playing basketball or going out with friends. I was living my life while she was losing hers.
Not that I really thought this situation was the same. My sister's life was never in question. But I couldn't help but to think about the fragility of life and how none of us can ever know how long was may be here. See, in situations like this, I am the king of the cliche'd emotion. You no doubt know this if you have read the first and third of these rants. But I will say it again: there is a profoundness in simplicity, in looking up at the stars on a clear fall night, for example.
Naturally I also thought some about the person those two rants were mainly written for. And I wanted to call her right then just to let her know I was thinking about her. But at 2 a.m. early Christmas Day, that would not have been such a good idea. Especially since I would have had to call collect.
And then I thought about forgiveness. There has been a rift in my family for about five years now. I do not wish to get into it here, but I will say that both factions have valid points. Don't get me wrong. No one should let five years go by without speaking, but I can understand the reasons behind the spilt. And I thought about this last night in a couple of ways. First, what if there was a death in the family? Would one side of the split stay home? Would there be two services? Two visitations? Or would we have Jerry Springer deliver the eulogy?
Look. Forgiveness is easy. At some point, you just have to get over it. Maybe a time of twisting in the wind may be appropriate in some circumstances, but once someone dies, you can't ask for their forgiveness. I just cannot understand how anyone could let such a period of time pass between speaking.
Oh, and I still haven't called her. Let's face it, I'm the one that
has been leaving messages for her on e-mail and through ICQ. So right now,
I still haven't forgiven her for letting so long go between seeing me.
See. At least I practice what I preach.
Joseph C. Hinson
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P.S. Please forgive the sloppy writing. Can you do that for me? Oh, and another thing. I'll forgive her the minute she gets in contact with me.