3:00 a.m. Friday
January 22, 1999

This rant was going to be, well, a rave. See, I named this section of my site Rants and Raves. But so far, all I've been doing is ranting. So I was going to make a list of things I am really happy about. Things that I like. Raves, in other words. But I really didn't put much thought into it other than maybe pizza and Kim Delaney. I may still work up a rave or two in the near future. But not tonight.

"You must have had it bad for the girl." That was what a friend told me when i was relaying to her the whole Avoidance Girl thing when the whole Avoidance Girl thing was still kinda happening. I don't know. Maybe I did. Not in a bad way. Was it love? Could it have been? Who knows? Then again, what do I know about love? I've told exactly one person outside my family those god awful three words. And boy was I wrong there!

Then again, it's more than obvious to me (at least it is this week) that what my other friend said, that she had told me she had fallen for me as a "nice" way to get rid of me is what happened. Then again, every time I think about that, it occurs to me that it makes absolutely no sense for her to say that. What kind of person would say such a thing to someone they had no feelings for? (That's not a rhetorical question. If you have an answer for me, feel free to contact me through my e-mail addy listed elsewhere on this site.)

On the other hand, it also does not make any sense for someone to tell another person they have fallen for them as a way of explaining why they can't see each other again. See. Nothing makes sense about this. And I think that's part of the problem. I'm trying to make sense out of something that can never make any sense at all. I'm trying to think logically about something that is totally illogical. And that is the whole man-woman/woman-man thing. It's like trying to fit a square into a circle. Literally.

I can't quit thinking about her. And that pisses me off. I mean, let's face it, she ain't where ever she is pinning away over me or anything. It makes no sense. They say there is someone out there for everyone. So why the fuck does it sometimes take them so long to find one another? I mean, come on, a single man living all alone. No kids. No current significant other. What's next for me? Barbara Streisand CDs? Bette Milder shows?

Why am I writing this? I have no idea. Maybe the time of morning it is in addition to a lack of sleep lately. Who knows? Who cares? So, Avoidance Girl, where ever you may be, you've done well. Have a nice life. May you soon find your true Avoidance Boy.
 
 

Joseph C. Hinson
 
 

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