The main problem with these rants is simple: Sometimes I say too much. Instead of keeping my big mouth clapped shut, I'll say things that may cause me some embarrassment. I'm thinking mainly about the rants written about "her." Those embarrass me on several fronts. First, why did I refer to her as "her" instead of her name? If she read them, it's not like she wouldn't know who they were written about. So that was plain stupid of me.

Of course, what really embarrasses me about that whole situation is that I must have come off as a total idiot to her. And I'm not a total idiot. True, I am close to a total idiot. But there are times when my idiocrosy blends in rather well with my true nature. And my true nature is to be an asshole. OK. Now I'm saying too much again. Shut the fuck up, Joe!

In my defense, I would say I was out of the rotation for so long that when I found myself up on that mound in a big game, I blew it. I choked. I couldn't have thrown a strike if my life depended on it. It had been a while since I had been in that position that I did not know how to react. But now the net result of that is that it has made me question everything again. Perhaps it's made me hesitant to show my true feelings to anyone. And that's not a good thing. In fact, it's pretty terrible. What was that I used to say about me? I have a problem with the truth. I just can't seem to quit telling it. What a load of bullshit that was. Shut the fuck up, Joe!

Anyway, this was just something I wanted to get off my chest. So, in conclusion, yes, I do know how much of an idiot I was with that whole situation. And I think it is very likely I will be an idiot again in the very near future. Like today. But for now, I'll just shut the fuck up.
 
 

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