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The Great Clinton Cock Hunt
by JCH
September 24, 2000

Have you seen Bill Clinton's cock? Well, apparently a lot of people have. And a lot of money was spent trying to track these people down. Robert Ray finally had to shut down his whorehouse of a "independent investigation" this week and admit that after six years and more than 50 million dollars (that they admit to) Bill and Hillary Clinton were not guilty of anything.

Well. That's not exactly true. They are guilty of being the President and the First Lady. So sometime after November 1992, a decision was made to smear their name into the ground. They drove George the Elder and Babs out of town and the good old boys left behind hated that. They hated them.

So since then, they have done everything they can to send the Clintons back to Little Rock. They in effect have tried to steal the 1992 and then the 1996 election from the Clintons and by extension the American people.

And guess what?

The Clintons won.

At some point, this investigation turned from being about Whitewater to being about Clinton's cock and who he put his cock in. I'm not saying that Bill Clinton is a stand up guy. But I voted him twice before and I'd vote for him again if he could run. But what these feeble minded Republicans, these godwhores, did to Clinton is shameless.

Newt Gingrich, Bob Livinston, Henry Hyde, Kenny Starr.... They're all whores for the Republican Right. It was never about wrongdoing in some land deal somewhere that didn't matter to anyone outside Arkansas, it was the Great Clinton Cock Hunt. Rush Limbaugh and his band of idiots, as well as the mainstream press, ate this shit up like it was caviar. It paid the bills for a lot of people and probably put in a lot of inground pools for some freaking morons.

And in the end, Clinton is going to run out his second term, Hillary will probably be Senator from New York and Al Gore will be the next president of the United States. George W., meanwhile, will take his fucking smirk and his pea sized brain back to Texas and sulk that the liberals "stole" another election from a Bush.

By the way, you should know that Rush Limbaugh has called the election. On the day after W. went on Oprha Winfrey's show, he said this: "The election is over. Bush won this thing yesterday. Gore is toast." So I guess that means we can all stay home on Election Day. Let's get it over with. Hand W. the key to the White House. Go ahead. Give him some party coke too. By the way, here is a joke I saw the other day:

Q: As a child, what was little Georgie W. Bush's biggest fear?
 A: The Subliminable Snowman!

But back to the Great Clinton Cock Hunt (a.ka. "Whitewater"). The Republicans are reminding you that fourteen people were convicted as a result of the 52 million dollars spent trying to get some dirt on the President and First Lady.

Read that again and think long and hard about it.

And they weren't using vaseline. But who were these fourteen people you asked? Well, let's look.

1 Susan McDougal
2 Jim McDougal
3 Jim Guy Tucker and
4 Web Hubbell.

We knew about these people. But lets look a little closer.  None of these convictions were for doing anything that remotely benefited the Clintons and in fact Hubbel was convicted of stealing from his Rose Law Firm partners. One of those partners was the future First Lady, Hillary Clinton. Also, Hubbell is one creepy looking fuck. He's got to be evil.

The remaining ten convictions that Robert Ray and Kenny Starr would have us believe made this all worthwhile are as follows:

These five household names all testified for Starr in the McDougal Tucker trial:

5 David Hale, the crooked judge.
6 Robert Palmer - Little Rock appraiser, pled guilty to conspiracy. (Not to be confused with the guy that sang the Dr. Pepper jingle.)
7 Christopher Wade - pled to two felonies.
8 Steven Smith - pled to a misdemeanor.
9 Larry Kuca - pled to a misdemeanor.

These two pled guilty in a case against Tucker involving his cable television business:

10 John Haley - Little Rock attorney, pled to a misdemeanor
11 William Marks - pled to a felony

Two others pled guilty with Hale;

12 Charles Matthews, two misdemeanors and
13 Eugene Fitxhugh, one misdemeanor.

     Finally,

14 Neal T.  Ainley, a former banker, pled to two misdemeanors.  He testified in a case
     ending in a mistrial involving Clinton's 1990 gubernatorial campaign, a case in which
     White House adviser Bruce Lindsey was an unindicted co-conspirator.

Do you know who these people are? Outside of the first four -- and maybe not them -- I'd be willing to bet my left nut that you don't have a clue who the rest of these people are. And that's where YOUR 52 million dollars went. You, the American taxpayer blew this money on whores like Kenneth Starr, Robert Ray and Bob Livingston. Don't you feel proud to be an American right now?

And you know what the weirdest part is? The Republicans are the ones yelling and screaming and running around in circles about how the government blows our money. They want to cut aid to education and don't want to raise the minimum wage because it will affect taxes.

Guess what assholes?

That 52 million dollars you blew trying to find out where Clinton was putting his cock came from US, the American people, the morons who keep sending you to Washington to line your pockets with corporation money and get fat and our watch at your local golf course.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

But I do have this to say. If W. somehow stumbles into winning this thing, you will have hell to pay. While the Democrats are, for the most part, taking the high road on Bush's likely very colorful past, chances are if the man gets into the Oval Office, he will find his past doing a little dance on the stage like a cheap stripper on a lunch time buffet.

And I will be laughing my ass off.

Well, it's late as I write this. Or early. It's 2:17 a.m. Sunday morning. So I will leave with with this, a quote from Susan McDougal: "After they've gathered all of the evidence,
all the documents they said they couldn't find, all the testimony they said they didn't have - I answered every question at my trial - they still cannot come back as men and say there is no guilt there. I believe Kenneth Starr to be a man of no integrity."

I'm with you there sister.

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