Alden vs. Talking Candy
Marlena Alden was depressed. Her parents had recently split, and her father had custody.
The divorce had badly affected the man. He did nothing to make his daughter feel welcome in
her own home. Whenever a sad song played on the radio, he turned the volume up. Marlena did
not like going anywhere but after school classes and grocery shopping with her father, because
his depression ruined trips to places like the Smithsonian. Worst of all, the man had
become a pervert and thought she'd never know. But Marlena did know, and she barred her
father from playing Fighting Vipers or Fighters Megamix because of the fact that two
characters in that game were half-naked without their armor. She also decided to have parties
which involved changing clothes at her mother's, because the girl was afraid that her father
would peek in on her or her friends while they were changing.
Despite being nearly eighteen, Marlena still liked dolls (though not as she used to).
She longed to own the new talking Candy doll. However, she couldn't ask her father for it.
He'll keep it for himself, she thought, so he can look up her dress. She
couldn't ask her mother for the doll, either. Her mother would only question why on
Earth her daughter would want such a thing, especially at her age. Marlena did, however,
confide this desire to Aunt Karin, her favorite aunt.
Then one day, a package arrived from Aunt Karin. Imagine Marlena's delight to see that
it contained the talking Candy doll! A note from Aunt Karin stated that the doll said
Candy's victory cheers from the game she was in, what you'd expect to hear from a talking
doll, as well as some original phrases. After reading this, Marlena pulled Candy's string.
"My name is Candy and I love you very much," said the doll. And after Marlena promptly
gave the string another tug, "You're my best friend."
"Let me see your new doll," said Mr. Alden. And Marlena replied, "No way! You keep your hands and
eyes off Candy!" She said that for the same reason she didn't ask him for the toy in the first place.
Yet, one day while Marlena was at the movies with her friends, Mr. Alden picked up Candy, who was on
the couch. Instead of doing anything Marlena feared, he merely gave the string a tug.
"My name is Candy and I don't like you," said Candy. Mr. Alden looked confused. He looked even more
confused when the doll said, "I'm going to kill you!" without its string being pulled. "Huh?"
said Mr. Alden, not talking to the doll but questioning how it spoke suddenly like that.
"I said I'm going to kill you!" replied the doll. "You! Joseph Alden!" With that last sentence, it
pointed at Mr. Alden.
"Shut up!" Mr. Alden said as he tossed Candy behind the couch. Then he wondered out loud, "How
could a silly doll kill me?" His question was answered when the doll appeared on top of the couch,
wielding a butcher knife and laughing maniacally. Quickly, it sprang towards the man, who screamed
and cowered in the kitchen doorway.
At that moment Marlena came home. Having heard her father's scream outside, she asked what happened.
And her father exclaimed, "That doll tried to kill me!" as he pointed at Candy. But the doll was just
lying still on the couch. It was not holding any weapons and looked as harmless as when its owner
first saw it.
"Dad, don't be dumb!" Marlena said. Then she added, "You didn't touch her, did you?"
"No" her father relpied. "It just said it was going to kill me and..."
Before he could finish, his daughter yanked her doll's string. "Yi, ha ha!" exclaimed Candy. Once
the doll finished its sentence, her owner pulled the string again. "Like my dress?" Candy said. After
that, Marlena pulled Candy's string one more time, and Candy said again, "You're my best friend."
"You see?" Marlena said, exasperated, "This doll doesn't say anything threatening at all!" Then she
thought, If she did, and it was after that sick pervert who thinks he's my father undressed her
and never put her clothes back on, I wouldn't blame her. And she put the doll away.
The next day, Mr. Alden took a shower. Suddenly, the Candy doll, who had climbed up onto the
shower curtain rod, raised a hatchet over Mr. Alden's head. Mr. Alden turned quickly and saw his
eleven inch assailant. He jumped out of the shower and streaked screaming to his bedroom.
Meanwhile, in the living room, Marlena and her boyfriend, Isaac, were playing video games.
Suddenly, they saw Mr. Alden running nude into his room. "What the--?" Isaac exclaimed, and
Marlena answered, "He thinks my talking Candy doll is a killer! But I put her away!" Marlena
ran to the bathroom and came back with the harmless doll. She yanked the string and Candy said,
"Yes! All right!". Then Isaac pulled the string and Candy said, "I'm starting a whole line of
my own designer clothes."
"This is just a harmless talking doll," he said. "Exactly," Marlena replied. Then, she put
Candy back in her rightful place.
In his room, Mr. Alden thought, She'll probably hate me for this, but I'm getting rid of
that doll! I'll throw it into that pile the church is going to light for the family
bonfire their having tonight. With that he grabbed a small plastic grocery bag and, once
Marlena and Isaac left to have dinner, went into his daughter's room.
Candy was reading one of Marlena's issues of "Seventeen" when Mr. Alden came in. He grabbed the
helpless doll by the hair and dropped her into the bag and tied it up tight. Candy gagged and gasped,
then finally passed out. With that, Mr. Alden took the "body bag" to the site of the family bonfire
and threw it onto the pile. That done, he went home.
But when he got home, he was unaware of the stowaway under his car. He walked inside, feeling
proud of himself when suddenly two tiny hands covered his eyes. "Guess who!!" Candy said.
"Help! Marlena!" yelled Mr. Alden. "The doll is trying to kill me!" But Marlena had not yet
returned home. Mr. Alden, with Candy still clinging to his eyes, stumbled around blindly before
hitting the floor and rolling into the kitchen. There, the killer Candy doll dunked the victim's
head into a dish full of dog water. But it didn't stop there...
"What's your problem?" Mr. Alden yelled to his attacker, who replied "I don't like you! Pervert!".
And the killer doll proceeded to yank at Mr. Alden's tongue.
A minute or two later, Marlena, who had been late because of car trouble, came into the house
and saw what was happening. She grabbed Candy and said, "What's going on here?"
"I'm doing you a favor," said Candy without waiting for her string to be pulled. "I'm killing that
hateful man!"
"No need," Marlena told her doll. "I'm moving in with Isaac. His family just added a new room for me." Mr.
Alden was shocked at this news!
"Dad, I'm pratcally eighteen!" he was told. And he replied, "I'll miss you, but you can go on. Just take that
doll with you!"
Once the Candy doll was in its new home, it was no longer a killer doll. Rather, it was a friend to Isaac's
little sister (who Marlena had willingly given Candy to) and an ordinary talking doll to everyone else.