Friends

'Friends' is an extremely popular American Sitcom enjoyed by people all over the world. I'm pretty sure you already know what it's all about so I'll just give you a brief intro as described by David Schwimmer who plays Ross: "The show is about six people who live in New York each who have different careers and love interests. They're all in the phase of their lives where they don't need to rely on their parents for financial stability but have not yet settled down with a family. They are all in that 'grey' area where they depend on their friends for emotional and spiritual support". So there you go!

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Rachel Green (Jennifer Aniston)	Monica Geller (Courteney Cox)	Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow)	Joey Tribbiani (Matt LeBlanc)	Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry)	Ross Geller (David Schwimmer)

Formerly spoiled but always lovely, Rachel Karen Green is charming enough to single- handedly make "Princess" a regal compliment again. Before finding modestly gainful employment at Central Perk, Rachel came from the suburbs, where she had apparently been raised like a prized veal. Her decision to leave her fiance Barry the Evil Orthodontist at the altar led her to dramatically search out a new life in the big city. Rachel - who we've heard was the queen of her high school - and Monica were childhood friends who'd grown apart for a time. Ross, of course, had a crush on Rachel even back in those old school days.

Despite growing up a real show biz kid, "Jen" Aniston is truly a living doll. Her dad, John Aniston, has starred for years on the soap Days of our Lives, and her godfather was the late elly Savalas, of Kojak fame. And though she was not encouraged by her family to go into cting, Jen got in anyway, and got in young. From her formative roles as a rock and a thorn in school plays, she went on to attend New York City's High School for the Performing Arts, etter known to those of us in the trade as the Fame school. "There was no dancing on taxicabs or the cafeteria tables," Jen explained, "but it was an amazing experience." After graduating in 1987, Jennifer did some excellent stage work in the city. Then she went west, where she joined the cast of the show Molloy before going on to appear in Ferris Bueller, Herman's Head, and the sketch comedy show The Edge. Aniston was also in the cast of the short-lived series Muddling Through, on which she found herself doing exactly that. And though she'd turn green if she knew I was telling you, she also dad that woefully misunderstood 1993 Celtic slasher flick Leprechaun. With Rachel Green, Jennifer finally found a character she could sink her teeth into. Her movie roles include Dream For An Insomniac and She's The One. She also stars in a Steven Spielberg-directed CD-ROM alongside Quentin Tarantino.

Fascinating Facts: At the age of 11 she had a painting displayed in the New York Metropolitan Museum Of Art, and she still likes to paint, do charcoal drawings and clay sculptures.

What she says about Rachel: "She's not bitchy. She's spoiled, but she knows no other life." "Rachel's not your cliched princess," she elaborated. "She's not stupid or flighty. She's just not had to think about a lot of things before. She's never had to support herself or worry about much of anything really."

The saucy but obsessive Monica Geller is a nouvelle beauty who generally serves as a sort of responsible voice of reason for the rest of the Friends' gang. When we first met Monica, She was working as the assistant chef at a chic uptown restaurant. Her social life was less than tasty - indeed, she found herself cooking in the kitchen of love with a truly shocking frequency. An apparent magnet for troubled men, Monica is the friend on Friends who seems to have drawn the others into their wonderfully wacky world of endlessly amiable codependency. Ross is her big brother - and apparently the favourite of her parents - while Rachel is a friend from her school days. Overweight growing up, she has obviously blossomed since then.

Courteney Cox was first spotted back in 1984 as the adorably wholesome-looking girl whom Bruce Springsteen pulls up onstage in the Brian De Palma - directed video for "Dancing in the Dark." The Birmingham, Alabama, native and former model went on to numerous TV roles, most notably playing Lauren, the girlfriend of Alex P. Keaton (Michael J. Fox), on Family Ties from 1986 to 1988. The supreme "Court" also appeared in a number of movies, including Cocoon: The Return, Masters of the Universe, Down Twisted, Shaking The Tree, Mr. Destiny, The Opposite Sex And How To Live With Them and, most successfully, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, which found her starring with an extraordinary cast of creatures (as well as that crazy kid Jim Carrey). Right before getting the Friends gig, Cox starred in the short-lived series The Trouble with Larry, alongside Bronson Pinchot. The diplomatic Ms. Cox understates things when she jokes "there was lots of trouble with Larry." Originally, the trio of Friends' executive producers saw Courteney as possibly being the right woman to play a different role. "They said, 'We see you more as Rachel,'" Court remembered. "But I would have played Rachel as much more neurotic and I wouldn't have been as good as Jennifer is. See, I'm not a quirky person, although I'd like to be. I think it looks fun to be quirky, but I just don't have it in me. I'm working toward being a kook." "We always figured Courteney was a Rachel because she's so pretty," David Crane recalled. "And she kept saying, 'No, no, no, I'm Monica.' She insisted on reading, and then she just knocked us out because she was so funny - we'd never had a chance to see her this funny before."

What she says about Monica: "She's the most normal. She has her quirks - she's compulsive - but she's the voice of reason."

What she would order at Central Perk: No coffee! Prefers lemon tea with honey and extra lemon.

Space - the final frontier - is territory that Friends' own philosopher queen Phoebe Buffay has covered with extraordinary wit and style. True, you may not have always necessarily understood what this New Agey bohemian babe was talking about, but you loved her nonetheless. Surviving a profoundly screwed-up childhood, "Pheebs" - as she's often affectionately called - has found her salvation in her folky music, aromatherapy, and, most of all, in loving support of her close circle of friends. Of course, she has a twin sister Ursula who can be seen waiting tables badly on Mad About You. They are not close. There are suggestions that Phoebe was once Monica's roommate - more recently she's lived with her grandmother. A semi-ditzy Renaissance woman for the nineties, Phoebe is masseuse, a singer-song-writer with a small but loyal following at Central Perk, and, most of all, an extremely dedicated friend.

"Lisa is just brilliantly funny and yet very real," David Crane gushed unapologetically. "In other hands, Phoebe could potentially be so tedious, obvious, and fake and broad, and somehow she makes all her moments so real. That her character - which is by far our broadest - could move you as often as she does is really remarkable." Believe you me, this native Californian is no hippie ditz. "People who don't know me will sometimes talk to me very slowly so that I'll be able to follow them," Lisa recalled with a laugh. This lovely lady graduated from Vassar Collage with a degree in biology and began working with her father Dr. Lee Kudrow, a world-famous headache specialist, before detouring into comedy with the encouragement of Jon Lovitz, a friend of her older brother's. By 1989 Kudrow was a member of the famed improvisational theatre group The Groundlings, in Los Angeles. Before long, she was turning up with increasing regularity on shows like Cheers, Coach, and Newchart. Most famously, she was cast as Mad About You's Ursula, America's best-loved bad waitress (at least until Rachel Green came along). Before that, though, Kudrow did catch a bad break when she was cast as Roz on Frasier and then quickly replaced. Lisa is married to a French advertising man, Michel Stern.

Fascinating Facts: Apparently Lisa is a killer pool player and can do a fast array of trickshots. She still performs with an improv group called The Transformers.

What she says about Phoebe: "She's not stupid. She just has a different point of reference for everything. She's a little Nell-ish."

What she would order at Central Perk: Hot chocolate with a little whipped cream.

Joey Tribbiani has grown as a man right before our very eyes. Originally meant to be more of a traditional macho stud - remember how he hit on Rachel while she was still in her wedding dress? - Joey has since evolved quite impressively. On the other hand, Joey's abilities as an aspiring thespian may not have improved comparably, although he certainly brought impressive conviction to his lead role in that woefully misunderstood musical Freud! And who can blame Tribbiani - or The Artist formerly known as Holden McGroin - for wanting more motivation when he served as Al Pacino's butt double. It seems as though Joey first came into the circle of friends by replacing that bum Kip as Chandler's roommate. Last season, Joey briefly screwed up his parents' relationship by encouraging his father to confess to his mother about a long-term affair. More often than not, Joey's an honourable fellow, and his tremendous sensitivity in "The One with the Birth" suggests that someday he'll make a fine dad.

"We never imagined that the character would have so much heart to him," confessed Kauffman. Crane was similarly charmed: "Matt made Joey a hunky guy, but he's also a benign, sweet presence that we never imagined." After graduating from high school, LeBlanc went to New York City, and after flipping burgers for a period, it wasn't long before he began to make a living in commercials. By 1988 Matt - a real motorbike enthusiast - was studying acting and soon moved to Los Angeles and ended up on the series TV 101. From there he won roles in the series Top of the Heap and Vinnie & Bobbie and in the saucy Red Shoe Diaries. In none of these roles did LeBlanc play a guy who you'd call a rocket scientist. "That's been a weird situation," admitted LeBlanc. "If you do something well, people tend to want to give you these roles. Joey is sort of a dim guy, but he's not just a dumb guy. I'd hate to be stereotyped, but then again there are five hundred guys who would kill to be in my situation." Although he looks like and plays an Italian on the show, Matt's only part Italian. He's also got a bit of French, Dutch and Irish in him. Matt did a movie a few months back called Ed And Me but the comedy didn't exactly go off at the American box office.

Fascinating Facts: From the age of eight, he has been an ace motorcycle rider, and had aspirations of going professional. He appeared in a tomato sauce ad which won an award at the 1987 Cannes Film Festival. He's a keen photographer and owns a dog called Lady.

What he says about Joey: "He's honest - that's a result of his cloudy perception of the world."

The eminently lovable Chandler Bing is Friends' resident wiseass, the uncrowned king of comic self-deprecation. He's the sardonic product of a wildly dysfunctional childhood - he has described his best-selling romance writer mother Nora (a confessed Ross-kisser) as "a Freudian nightmare" and his father a as real gender-bender. Chandler apparently met his pal Ross Geller back in college and later ended up living across the hall from Ross' fetching little sister Monica. After a rather painful split with his old roommate Kip, Chandler ended up cohabiting happily with Joey Tribbiani, thus forming one of Friends' most successful odd couples. Chandler's social life has been less than perfect - though God knows there's always Janice. He's not gay, but supposedly he's got "a quality." The workplace has been the source of considerable frustration for this underachiever who found himself stuck for years at a temporary job in data processing. Fortunately, a big promotion and office upgrade seems to have boosted Chandler's passion for keeping up the corporate WENUS.

"Matthew's just so brilliant, he can make a joke work that would never work in anyone else's hands." According to David, "Sometimes the writers will sit around and try to guess what Matthew's going to do with a line and which words he'll emphasize. Still, he always surprises us." Perry, who grew up in Ottawa, Canada, was a nationally ranked teen tennis player. His father is actor John Bennett Perry, who's perhaps best known as the oppressively manly sailor on all those Old Spice commercials. His mother, Suzanne Perry, is a former anchorwoman and a onetime aide to Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau. Matthew got his first role in seventh grade, playing the fastest gun in the West in a production called The Death and Life of Sneaky Finch. And though I've not personally seen the reviews, Matthew told me it was some of his bravest, most powerful work. With credits like that, it's no surprise that when he moved to this loony City of Angels, Matty boy found no shortage of work. He made guest appearances on Charles in Charge, Empty Nest, Who's The Boss, Beverly Hills 90210, and Growing Pains. "It's kind of a blur, but on 90210 I remember playing the most popular kid in school who ends up with a gun in his mouth because his dad's overbearing," he fondly recalled. "Admiral" Perry also popped up in features like A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon with River Phoenix, and She's Out of Control, which found him working with Ami Dolenz, the daughter of that distinguished former Monkee Micky Dolenz. Perry had a little less luck with his own series: He starred in Fox's Second Chance, which quickly turned into Boys Will Be Boys, which quickly became nothing at all. He also turned up opposite Valerie Bertinelli in the 1990 series Sydney, as well as on something called Home Free, which is not to be confused with the classic Born Free. "If you look at my first stuff, there's some bad acting going on that would make me cringe now," confessed Matthew. "But I actually always had an attitude. I was ninety-second in the ratings with all this attitude." Matthew often hangs out with George Clooney of ER.

Fascinating Facts: Before landing the role in Friends, Matthew had co-written a sitcom pilot called Maxwell's House, about a bunch of twentysomething friends hanging out. Spooky!

What he says about Chandler: "He's the guy everybody thinks will do really well with women, but he thinks too much and says the wrong thing."

For much of the first season of Friends', the long-suffering paleontologist Ross Geller seemed a little like TV's very own Job - his torment was biblical. In the pilot, poor Ross had just been left by his beloved wife Carol, who had fallen in love with another woman. By the end of that first episode, he was already carrying a rather large torch for Rachel Green. It turned out that Ross had had a crush on her since the days when she was the high school pal of his little sister Monica. As the season went on, Ross suffered memorably as Rachel somehow remained utterly clueless about the fact that this Ubermensch wanted to be more than friends. This sad state of affairs had to be tough to take for this undisputed prince of the Geller clan. What else could the guy do but get a monkey and throw himself into the "bone things" at work. Fortunately, Ross seems to be having somewhat better luck in the second season.

He's the son of two lawyers and attended Beverly Hills High School. As a teenager, David shined at the Southern Californian Shakespeare Festival, and played Otto Frank in The Diary of Annie Frank. Having attended a summer workshop in acting at Northwestern University in Chicago, he went on to earn his degree there in speech/theatre in 1988. Afterward, he and some of his Northwestern pals formed the adventurous Lookingglass Theatre Company, where he directed an award-winning production of The Jungle. Soon, David was turning up on shows like The Wonder Years, NYPD Blue, and LA Law, and in movies such as Wolf, Crossing the Bridge, and Twenty Bucks. His debut as a TV-series regular on 1993's wobbly Henry Winkler vehicle Monty was a less than thrilling one. "The only thing that I learned was that I was not going to do another situation comedy," Schwimmer told the clod from Rolling Stone. "We had to beg him to come back from Chicago since he was not that excited about doing another television show after Monty," Bright confided in me. Still, the executive producers felt that this long distance Schwimmer was well worth pursuing. "David doesn't have a false move in him," Marta said. "He's just so honest and real and funny." "Of all the actors, he was the only one who was really in our heads when we wrote the role," Kevin Bright explained. "But even then, David surprised us with his abilities as a physical comedian." David is good friends with The Single Guy's Jonathon Silverman and Brad Pitt's girlfriend Gwyneth Paltrow - he went to college with Jonathon and guest starred on The Single Guy as a favour to his old buddy, then David did a movie called The Pallbearer with Gwyneth a few months ago. He's other movie appearances include Wolf, Crossing The Bridge, and Flight Of The Intruder.

Fascinating Fact: His mother being a lawyer, handled one of Roseanne's divorces. In The Wonder Years, he played the guy who ended up marrying Kevin's sister Karen.

What he says about Ross: "He's the '90s Guy, struggling with old-fashioned values in a contemporary world."

101 he One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (Pilot Episode)
102 The One With the Sonogram at the End
103 The One With the Thumb
104 The One With George Stephanopoulos
105 The One With the East German Laundry Detergent
106 The One With the Butt
107 The One With the Blackout
108 The One Where Nana Dies Twice
109 The One Where Underdog Gets Away
110 The One With the Monkey
111 The One With Mrs. Bing
112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnas
113 The One With the Boobies
114 The One With the Candy Hearts
115 The One With the Stoned Guy
116 The One With Two Parts, part 1
117 The One With Two Parts, part 2
118 The One With All the Poker
119 The One Where the Monkey Gets Away
120 The One with the Evil Orthodontist
121 The One with Fake Monica
122 The One with the Ick Factor
123 The One with the Birth
124 The One where Rachel Finds Out

201 The One With Ross' New Girlfriend  
202 The One With the Breast Milk 
203 The One Where Heckles Dies 
204 The One With Phoebe's Husband
205 The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant
206 The One With the Baby on the Bus 
207 The One Where Ross Finds Out
208 The One With the List 
209 The One With Phoebe's Dad
210 The One With Russ 
211 The One With The Lesbian Wedding
212 The One After the Superbowl, part 1
213 The One After the Superbowl, part 2 
214 The One With The Prom Video 
215 The One Where Ross and Rachel...You Know      
216 The One Where Joey Moves Out
217 The One Where Eddie Moves In  
218 The One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies
219 The One Where Eddie Won't Go
220 The One Where Old Yeller Dies
221 The One With The Bullies
222 The One With Two Parties
223 The One With The Chicken Pox 
224 The One With Barry & Mindy's Wedding 

Series 3

301 The One With The Princess Leia Fantasy  
302 The One Where No One's Ready 
303 The One With The Jam 
304 The One With The Metaphorical Tunnel 
305 The One With Frank, Jr. 
306 The One With The Flashback 
307 The One With The Racecar Bed 
308 The One With The Giant Poking Device
309 The One With The Football
310 The One Where Rachel Quits
311 The One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister
312 The One With All The Jealousy 
313 The One Where Monica and Richard Are Just Friends 
314 The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner 
315 The One Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break 
316 The One The Morning After 
317 The One Without The Ski Trip
318 The One With The Hypnosis Tape
319 The One With The Tiny T-Shirt
320 The One With The Dollhouse
321 The One With a Chick. And a Duck
322 The One With The Screamer 
323 The One With Ross's Thing
324 The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion 
325 The One At The Beach 

Series 4

401 The One With The Jellyfish 
402 The One With The Cat 
403 The One With The 'Cuffs
404 The One With The Ballroom Dancing
405 The One With Joey's New Girlfriend 
406 The One With The Dirty Girl 
407 The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line 
408 The One With Chandler In A Box 
409 The One Where They're Going To PARTY! 
410 The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie 
411 The One With Phoebe's Uterus 
412 The One With The Embryos 
413 The One With Rachel's Crush 
414 The One With Joey's Dirty Day
415 The One With All The Rugby 
416 The One With The Fake Party 
417 The One With The Free Porn 
418 The One With Rachel's New Dress 
419 The One With All The Haste 
420 The One With All The Wedding Dresses 
421 The One With The Invitation 
422 The One With The Worst Best Man Ever 
423 The One With Ross's Wedding, part 1
424 The One With Ross's Wedding, part 2

501 The One After Ross Says Rachel 
502 The One With All The Kissing  
503 The One With The Triplets 
504 The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
505 The One With The Kips  
506 The One With The Yeti 
507 The One Where Ross Moves In 
508 The One With All The Thanksgivings
509 The One With Ross's Sandwich 
510 The One With The Inappropriate Sister
511 The One With All The Resolutions 
512 The One With Chandler's Work Laugh 
513 The One With Joey's Bag 
514 The One Where Everybody Finds Out 
515 The One With The Girl Who Hits Joey
516 The One With The Cop
517 The One With Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss
518 The One Where Rachel Smokes 
519 The One Where Ross Can't Flirt
520 The One With The Ride-Along
521 The One With The Ball
522 The One With Joey's Big Break
523 The One In Vegas, Part 1
524 The One In Vegas, Part 2

Phoebe's Song Book

Smelly Cat
Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.
They won't take you to the vet.
You're obviously not their favourite pet.
You may not be a bed of roses,
And you're no friend to those with noses.
Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.

Two of Them Kissed Last Night
There was a girl, we'll call her Betty,
And a guy, let's call him Neil.
Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real.
middle part missed out by show
Now our Neil must decide, who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? or will it be the one who we'll call L-Lulie?
He must decide, he must decide, even though I made him up he must decide.

Holiday Song
Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap
Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap
Said all you need is to write them a song
Now you haven't heard it yet so don't try to sing along
No don't sing along
Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah
Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross
And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowwwwwy
And Rachel and Chandler, (mumbles something) handler!

[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, everyone is getting ready to go to a banquet]

JOEY: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider. (takes a glass from the fridge.)

CHANDLER: Taste it.

JOEY: (drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge) Yep, it's fat. I drank fat!

CHANDLER: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.

ROSS: (entering) Hey!

CHANDLER: Hey, mister tux!

ROSS: Why aren't you guys dressed?

JOEY: We have a half hour.

ROSS: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.

JOEY: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.

ROSS: Well, you know, I'd feel a whole lot better if you got dressed now.

CHANDLER and JOEY: Okay. (they don't move)

RACHEL: (entering from bathroom) Hey-hey! Oh, look at you, all sexy.

ROSS: Really.

RACHEL: Ooooh! Wow!! Oh, hi.

ROSS: Hi.

RACHEL: How come you didn't come over earlier?

ROSS: 'Cause, I'm a stupid, stupid man.

JOEY: Hey, Ross, want some cider?

ROSS: No. (to Rachel) So, um, let's see your pretty close, huh. Make-up's on, hair's done.

RACHEL: Yeah, I just have to get dressed.

ROSS: Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven minutes.

RACHEL: Yeah! Once, I figure out what I'm wearing.

JOEY: Glass of fat?

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross is acting nervous]

JOEY: What's the matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech?

ROSS: No! Do you wanna hear it?

JOEY: Am I in it?

ROSS: Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.

PHOEBE: (entering) Hello.

ROSS: Hey!

JOEY: Whoa!

ROSS: Wow, hello! You look great!

PHOEBE: Thank you! I know, though.

ROSS: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.

PHOEBE: Ohh, well, you're my lucky penny.

CHANDLER: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.

JOEY: What?

CHANDLER: You're in my seat.

JOEY: How is this your seat?

CHANDLER: 'Cause I was sitting there.

JOEY: But then you left.

CHANDLER: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom, you knew I was coming back.

JOEY: What's the big deal, sit somewhere else.

CHANDLER: The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat.

JOEY: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom). Soo...

ROSS: You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So..

CHANDLER: All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. (yells at Joey) GET UP!!

MONICA: (entering) Hi.

ALL: Hey.

MONICA: Ooh, Phoebe, you look great!

PHOEBE: All right all ready.

MONICA: (to Ross) Ooh, are you gonna do magic?

ROSS: That's, that's funny. Change!

MONICA: Hang on a second I just got in.

ROSS: Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't be late.

PHOEBE: We could not, would not want to wait.

ROSS: Look, our table is down in front, okay, my boss is gonna be there, everyone will see if we arrive after it starts.

MONICA: Has somebody been drinking my fat? (Joey and Chandler look at each other)

RACHEL: (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?

PHOEBE: I don't know, you might be the first one.

MONICA: Rach, did you check the machine?

RACHEL: Uh, no. Wait, you know what, this is the outfit that makes my calves look fat. Nevermind.

CHANDLER: Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called: Get Up.

JOEY: All right! You can have the chair.

CHANDLER: Really!

JOEY: Oh my, would you look at that! (holds up crossed fingers)

PHOEBE: (on machine) "Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm already there when your playing this message?" (to the guys) Is that too spooky?

ROSS: (on machine) "Hi Rach, are you there? It's me, pick up. Rachel. Rach!"

RACHEL: (entering from her bedroom) What?!

ROSS: Nevermind.

RICHARD: (on machine) "Monica, it's Richard. Call me."

MONICA: Is-is-is that message old or new? (yelling) Old or new?! Old or new?!

ROSS: It's old, it's definitely old. Didn't you hear the, the double beep?

MONICA: What if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk again, unless we had something really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back?

CHANDLER: Honey, you did call him back. 'Cause, it's, it's really old.

ROSS: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did?

MONICA: Huh?

ROSS: I.....got.....dressed. Really, really quickly. Okay, okay. (Rachel starts to follow Monica into her room, but Ross stops her and sends her back to her room.) There we go, there we go.

CHANDLER: You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in front of Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! (Joey flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress)

PHOEBE: Ah! Oh my God! You r-r-rotten boys!

CHANDLER and JOEY: Sorry Phoebe.

JOEY: I'm so sorry.

PHOEBE: What am I gonna do?

ROSS: No, no, don't, don't, rub it! Don't! (clapping) What gets out hummus?! What gets out hummus?!

PHOEBE: Monica, Monica, you know what gets out hummus.

MONICA: If it is a new message, what is he calling to say?

PHOEBE: Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that.

CHANDLER: Maybe he's calling to say your obsessive and crazy.

MONICA: So, should I call him back?

THE GUYS: Noo! (Monica starts to go back into her room and stops) NO!

CHANDLER: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable.

JOEY: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.

CHANDLER: All right! (jumps up)

ROSS: Okay, look, we have nineteen minutes. Okay, Chandler, I want you to go and change! Okay. And then, when you come back, Joey will go change, and he'll have vacated the chair. Okay. Okay.

CHANDLER: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves)

RACHEL: (entering from her room) Is this a little too... (sees Phoebe) Pheebs, what happened?

PHOEBE: Hummus. I got the hummus.

RACHEL: Ooooh! Honey, well we'll find you something. Do you wanna wear my black jacket?

PHOEBE: That won't go with this dress though.

RACHEL: No, you're right. Well, we'll find something. Let's just get you out of that. Come on.

ROSS: No, no, no, no, no, no, not out of that, not out of clothes.

RACHEL: Monica, can Phoebe borrow your green dress?

MONICA: I called him.

ALL: Nooo.

MONICA: Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. But it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, because you know it was like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God, what if it wasn't breezy?

PHOEBE: Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a breezy place.

MONICA: Here, I got it. I'll will play my message for you guys, and you can tell me if it's breezy enough.

JOEY: Monica, how are you gonna do that?

MONICA: I know the code to his answering machine.

ROSS: Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, you're dialing, you are dialing.

(Chandler enters, and Joey is standing near the chair, they have a show down to see who gets the chair and Joey wins)

RICHARD: (on machine) "Hi, this is Richard. Please, leave a message at the tone."

MACHINE: "You have two new messages."

JOEY: Wow, what a cool job. (in a machine voice) 'You have two new messages.' 'Please, pass the pies.'

MONICA: (on machine) "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."

JOEY: Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that, that totally negates the breezy.

WOMAN'S VOICE: (on machine) Hola, it's me, yesterday was really fun. Call me about this weekend, okay.

JOEY: Now she sounded breezy.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier]

MONICA: He's seeing someone. I can't believe he's seeing someone.

PHOEBE: Monica, you don't know that.

MONICA: Well, who's voice was that?

CHANDLER: Maybe it was his sister's. You know, maybe it was his daughter's.

MONICA: Michelle! Of course, it was Michelle! Did it sound like Michelle?

ROSS: Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it easy to get a cab.

MONICA: It was Michelle. It was definitely Michelle.

RACHEL: Pheebs, you go with Monica and try on her green dress. If that doesn't work, you can wear my gray silk one. Oh, gosh, what am I wearing?!

ROSS: You don't, you don't know what your wearing?

RACHEL: Well, hon-ey. I'm just trying to look nice for your big night.

ROSS: Yeah, which, which we have to leave for in exactly twelve minutes. All right, come on, I'll just pick something out for you.

CHANDLER: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole!"

JOEY: Okay. (he gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave)

CHANDLER: What are you doing?

JOEY: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions.

CHANDLER: The cushions are the essence of the chair!

JOEY: That's right! I'm taking the essence.

CHANDLER: Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.

ROSS: Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.

RACHEL: Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless you would like me to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep.

ROSS: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.

RACHEL: Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days.

PHOEBE: Oh Rach, good, listen isn't this perfect for me! (she's wearing another dress on a hanger around her neck)

RACHEL: Oh, it's perfect! But not for tonight.

PHOEBE: Well, of course not for tonight. Yeah, hi!

ROSS: Not for tonight. Not for tonight! Wh-what, what, what, are you doing?

RACHEL: No honey, we're sorry, we didn't mean it. I love you. I love you.

CHANDLER: We used them as pillows when we went camping.

ROSS: What?

CHANDLER: (shyly) The sheep.

ROSS: Hey, what you do on your own time...

JOEY: (entering) Where's my underwear?!

ROSS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on, what. You took his underwear?

CHANDLER: He took my essence!

ROSS: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?

JOEY: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.

ROSS: Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?

JOEY: It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.

CHANDLER: Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his cushions.

JOEY: Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.

CHANDLER: What are you, what are you gonna show me my clothes?

JOEY: Hey, opposite, is opposite! (leaves)

CHANDLER: He's got nothing!

PHOEBE: (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a huge bow to cover the stain) Okay, I'm ready.

ROSS and CHANDLER: Oh, aaaah!

PHOEBE: Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so, but she had this Christmas ribbon, and I thought, 'All right, fine I'll be political.'

CHANDLER: What are you supporting?

PHOEBE: Duh!! Christmas!

ROSS: Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve minutes.... Wha, my watch stopped. My watch. (shows Chandler) Okay, see, the, the dinosaur tail isn't going around any more. (grabs Chandler's watch) What time is it? It's 7:33, I have seven minutes. I have seven minutes!!

RACHEL: (entering from her room) Okay, Pheebs, quick, what shoes should I wear? The black or the purple?

ROSS: Just, just, just pick one!

PHOEBE: Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little strappys?

RACHEL: Yeahh, but, but those really go better with pants. Maybe I should wear pants?

ROSS: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.

RACHEL: But I...

ROSS: No, no, no just do it. Go in there and pick something out so we can go.

RACHEL: All right.

ROSS: Thank you!

MONICA: (entering from her room) Okay. I gotta call Michelle. I gotta see if that was her voice or not. I'm sorry, I just have to.

ROSS: It was, it was her voice.

CHANDLER: Monica, I think you've gone over to the bad place.

MICHELLE: Hola! Hello. Hello?

MONICA: Okay. That was her right?

PHOEBE: Definitely.

MONICA: See there you go. Woo! We're out of the woods. Okay, I'll get dressed now.

ROSS: Yay!

(phone rings)

PHOEBE: I'll get it, okay. (answers phone) Hi, Monica and Rachel's. (listens) Yeah, just a second, can I ask who's calling. (to Monica) Oh, ew, it's Michelle! Ew! She, she must have that Caller Id thing. You should get that.

MONICA: (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I-I dialed your number by mistake. (listens) Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss him. Well, you know how it is, it's that....

CHANDLER: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?

MONICA: (on phone) Michelle, I only beeped in so I could hear my message. I mean that's allowed. Yeah-huh! I mean look, yeah, you know what I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell your Dad about. What do you mean, you're not comfortable with this? Come on we're friends!! (Michelle hangs up) That bitch always hated me. I'm calling her back.

ROSS: No, no, no, no. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

MONICA: Okay, fine. (runs to her room)

CHANDLER: They got a phone in there, right?

PHOEBE: Okay, we're on it. We're on it.

(Rachel comes out from her room wearing sweat pants and a sweatshirt)

ROSS: Um. I know it says black tie optional, but, um this may be pushing it a little, um.

RACHEL: I'm not gonna go.

ROSS: You're not going to go?.

RACHEL: No, I think I'm gonna catch up on my correspondence.

ROSS: How, how, um how can you not be going?

RACHEL: I'm not gonna go, so I think that will accomplish the not going.

ROSS: Um, you know, just out of curiosity...

RACHEL: Well, ever since I was humiliated and yelled at in front of my friends, I'm just, I don't know, not in a museum benefitty kind of mood.

ROSS: Right. Right, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled.

RACHEL: It's fine.

ROSS: No, but, your-your mad.

RACHEL: I'm not mad.

ROSS: No.

RACHEL: I'm just not going.

ROSS: Your not going.

RACHEL: Right.

ROSS: Okay. You know that I-I have to go.

RACHEL: Um, hum.

ROSS: Right. So is it gonna be like 'I'm abandoning you while your upset.'

RACHEL: No.

ROSS: No, because your not upset.

RACHEL: Right.

ROSS: About the yelling.

RACHEL: Right, and the humiliating.

ROSS: Oh, well of course, the humiliating. So, so wee, we're okay.

RACHEL: Um, hum.

ROSS: We're good.

RACHEL: Right.

ROSS: Okay. Honey?

RACHEL: Yes, Ross. (turns toward him)

ROSS: I love you. (goes to kiss her and she turns away.)

PHOEBE: (yelling from the bedroom) Get away from the phone! (she comes into the living room carrying the phone) She's just getting dressed.

CHANDLER: Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?

(Joey enters wearing a lot of clothes)

JOEY: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.

CHANDLER: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!!

JOEY: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...

CHANDLER: Oooo-ooh!

JOEY: Yeah. Whew, I tell ya' it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges)

ROSS: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!

CHANDLER: Jeez, what a baby.

JOEY: Yeah, Ross, way to ruin it. I was just going to get dressed.

ROSS: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do to show you how much, how much I want you to be there.

JOEY: You could drink the fat.

ROSS: Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation.

RACHEL: No, no, no, now wait, wa, wa, waa-it a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That actually, uh, that sounds interesting.

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: I think you should drink the fat.

JOEY: Yaaaay!

ROSS: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do.

PHOEBE: Oh, wait, let me get you another glass. That's been sitting out.

ROSS: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just before he starts drinking)

RACHEL: No, no, no, wait! Okay, okay. Don't! I'll go, I'll go!

ROSS: You will?!

RACHEL: You were really gonna do that, weren't you?

ROSS: Well, yeah.

RACHEL: You were gonna drink the fat.

JOEY: Let's see what else he'll do!

ROSS: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!

(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)

CHANDLER: Stop it. Stop it!

(Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone)

PHOEBE: Ross, went to get a cab so we can all... No, wh-what are you doing! No, Monica, no!

RICHARD: (on machine) Hi, this is Richard.

MACHINE: You have three new messages.

MONICA: Not any more!

MACHINE: Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone.

MONICA: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard this message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.

MACHINE: Your outgoing message has now been changed.

MONICA: Outgoing! Did that say outgoing?! Not, outgoing!!!

MONICA: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know."

PHOEBE: How did you do that?

MONICA: I don't know!

MACHINE: Good-bye.

MONICA: Noooo!!!!

ROSS: (entering) Okay, okay, okay, I've got two cabs and no people. Go! Go! Go!

MONICA: Maybe we could call the phone company. Maybe they could change the message. Maybe they can change his number.

PHOEBE: Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that himself.

ROSS: Rachel!! (she enters) Wow! You, uh, you look, wow!

RACHEL: And I still have about five seconds to spare. (kisses him) Okay, that was about seven seconds.

ROSS: So we're a little late.

RACHEL: Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the way....

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: I'm going commando, too.

ROSS: Awwww!!!

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: At the banquet]

SHERMAN WHITFIELD: Dr. Geller, Sherman Whitfield, London Institute.

ROSS: Wow! What a pleasure.

WHITFIELD: (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written.

CHANDLER: Excuse me. Hi.

WHITFIELD: Yes?

CHANDLER: Well, your kind of sitting in my seat.

WHITFIELD: What do you mean, your seat?

CHANDLER: I mean, I was sitting there.

WHITFIELD: But, you got up!

CHANDLER: But, I never left the room!

WHITFIELD: But, you left the chair area.

CHANDLER: All right, that's it, give me your underwear.