| Warlord S: |
Next order of business? |
| Chun-Li: |
M'lord, Simon requests audience regarding the recent Vampire
problems. |
| Simon: |
Thank you. Ever since I was so unceremoniously retired, Count
Dracula's forces have run rampant. Without a Vampire Hunter, nobody
holds them in check! One of them has already taken residence in MarioLand's
haunted house, we've got six reaking havoc in DisneyLand, it's chaos!
Your supreme stupbornness, your subjects simply do not have the knowledge
necessary to repel such an affront! |
| Warlord S: |
Lord Belmont, really, be rational! You're far too old to
stand against these forces, why don't you just leave such matters in the
capable hands of others.... |
| Simon: |
What others? There are no others! All the other Belmonts
have either been blued or have mysteriously disappeared. What we
need is... |
| Cid: |
Listen, before you two start throwing things, there are more serious
things we should be worried about. The blue is closing in on us,
just as our illustrious GameMaster claims happened to his realm.
Unless we act, we too shall all slowly be devoured by the blue. |
| Warlord S: |
[yawns] wait your turn, little man, the world is hardly going
to collapse for want of common courtesy. |
| Cid: |
BUT THAT'S EXACTLY IT! Unless we do something, and
I mean NOW, we're going to be looking at total destruction of the realm
in under a week. |
| Warlord S: |
Well, when you're doomed you're doomed. |
| Cid: |
What?!? You're gonna give up just like that? |
| Warlord S: |
Why not? You got a better idea? |
| Cid: |
I've been working on a theory, with a little tweaking I may be
able to build a device to stop, and eventually reverse the blue.
It'll take a little time, of course... |
| Warlord S: |
Time we don't have. Chances are good that the enemy is having
every bit as much trouble with The Blue as we are. I say, we let
them worry about it, and while they look elsewhere we strike. Besides
Cid, your talents are needed elsewhere. |
| Cid: |
But...but...[Chun-Li elbows Warlord S and whispers something in
his ear.] |
| Warlord S: |
[nods] On second thought, Cid, we'll go with your plan. Just
mind you don't let it interfere with your other tasks. |
| Simon: |
But what about... |
| Warlord S: |
Council is adjourned, Chun-Li, meet me in my chambres. Now. |
| Chun-Li: |
[turns] Why are you so reluctant to admit that The Blue is
a threat? |
| Warlord S: |
[grips her shoulder and kisses her.] Fret not, m'love.
I have my reasons. |
| Chun-Li: |
[turns away] Yes, yes....I mean, I know, it's just.... |
| Warlord S: |
You fear your own destruction. |
| Chun-Li: |
[turns back] It's just that after all we've been through,
to be THIS CLOSE... |
| Warlord S: |
[Embraces her] Ssh, ssh. Don't worry, I'll take care
of it. Cid's working on our salvation even as we speak. Then,
we "Accidentally" kill Camille, and the kingdom will be m-ours. |
| Chun-Li: |
[looks up] Really? |
| Warlord S: |
[Kisses her on the forehead] I promise. [looks out
the window at the sunset, as if envisioning it...] |
| Cid: |
Yaaaah! Dammit kid, how many times do I have to tell you:
deactivate the main power cell before attempting to enhance the field capacitor! |
| Kid: |
[shrugs] Sorry. |
| Cid: |
[picks himself up.] Oh, that's alright, no serious harm done.
That ought to finish the power converter, how's the quantum rack-and-pinion
field emitter coming along? |
| Kid: |
It's just about...[plugs it in, it sparks and starts glowing.]
there! |
| Cid: |
Great! [walks to the window.] Okay, power it up! |
| Kid: |
Right! [pushes the big red button. It sparks a little,
then an arc of lightning flashes from one top corner to the other, then
to the orb at the top. It glows ominously, then flashes. The
kid crowds up to the window.] Is it working, is it working? |
| Cid [off screen]: |
Transfer 15 amps from the shield regeneration subprocessor to the
emitter coils. |
| Kid [off screen]: |
But that'll... |
| Cid [off screen]: |
JUST DO IT! [charging sound, The Green flares back to life
and slams into The Blue, forcing it back. The two forces grapple,
finally merging into one static. The static begins to take shape,
flickering between images of Andy Griffiths, I Dream of Jeannie and Letterman
reruns, increasing in speed until the whole thing flares white and vanishes
in a huge explosion. Slowly, the blue begins to take shape again.] |
| Cid [off screen]: |
NOOOO! Kid, can we recharge? ... Kid? Kid, are
you listening? |
| Kid [off screen]: |
Uhm...Cid? I think you should take a look at this... |
| Kid: |
What is it? |
| Cid: |
It appears to be...it appears to be a human! [Pulls back
the hood, gasps] A female! |
| Kid: |
A girl? |
| Simon: |
[enters] Not just any girl. I recognize her mark:
This is a slayer. |
| Cid: |
A slayer? What do you mean? |
| Simon: |
She's a Vampire Hunter, like myself, only more so. Unto every
generation there is made only one slayer, a girl with the unique abilities
necessary to do battle with the forces of evil. What I want to know
is, how did she get here? |
| Cid: |
[Eyes Simon suspiciously.] How do you know so much about
her. Have you been tinkering with my machinery? |
| Simon: |
No, no, nothing like that. We had a Slayer in original Video
Land, and for a while in Super Video Land. But she got sucked into
this bizarre super-warp while fighting Dracula, and we never saw her since.
Until now. |
| Cid: |
Well, the Blue-reverser brought her here. It's totalled,
but I might be able to...witaminute, you're saying you, personally, Simon
Belmont, you know this girl? |
| Simon: |
Indeed I do. More than that, for a span of time I was her
watcher. She is Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. |
| Warlord S: |
Excuse me, I don't recall giving you permission to barge
in whenever you feel like it. That reminds me, Chun-Li, see about
getting locks for these doors... |
| Cid: |
Your General Crabbiness, I have good news and bad news. Bad
news is, I couldn't stop The Blue, nor slow it by much. |
| Chun-Li: |
And the good news? |
| Simon: |
I belive our Vampire problems are over. M'lord,
I present Buffy the Vampire Slayer. |
| Warlord S: |
What, are we to become a haven for unconcious blondes? |
| Buffy: |
[stirs] You're going to eat those words, Spike...[opens her
eyes, jumps to her feet] Simon? [Draws her stake] But,
you're dead... |
| Simon: |
My dear, I thought the same of you! You have no idea how
worried I was when you were sucked into the unstable superwarp... |
| Buffy: |
No...NO! The real Simon taught me better than to fall
for this, this... |
| Simon: |
Buffy, I AM the real Simon. Watch: [he produces a silver
knife, slits his hand, and lets the blood pool on the freshly washed tile.]
Could a Vampire do that? |
| Buffy: |
S-S-S-Simon? But...but how did you escape... |
| Simon: |
I didn't. Fortunately I still had a couple of lives left.
Back when that sort of thing counted... |
| Warlord S: |
Aw, you know, I'm real touched and all, but I fail to see how this
is supposed to help us fight the forces of Dracula... |
| Buffy: |
No! The Master lives? |
| Simon: |
In a way, yes. You have to remember Buffy, the rules have changed
here. They've chaged a LOT. |
| Buffy: |
Doesn't matter. [sheathes stake] He exists. Let's
get him. |
| Buffy: |
Okay, refresh my memory. Stake through the heart, beheading,
holy water and sunlight, stil all fatal? |
| Simon: |
Yes and no. Beheading is still pretty nasty, and I think
the way to go, but none of these alone will take down Dracula. It's
not enough to stake him once, you have to KEEP staking him untill he's
dead. Then remove the head and burn the body. The head must
be tied to a pike and sent out to sea. |
| Buffy: |
[Shakes head] Brutal. How do you put up with it? |
| Simon: |
Well, around here, anything will do damage. I just stick
by the fire-whip and silver knife, an' that sees me through nine times
out of ten. Ah! This is our stop. You ready? |
| Buffy: |
You really want me to answer that? |
| Buffy: |
It sure didn't say anything about skeletons in the brochures.
[Throws a stake cleanly through the skull of a Skull comander] |
| Simon: |
Sorry, thought you knew. [Double jumps off a bat to the banister.
Buffy follows in one concerted leap.] Not bad. |
| Buffy: |
I've been practicing. [Blurs a little, turns green, return
to normal] Uhm, what was that? |
| Simon: |
I'm sure it's only temporary, it'll go away in time. [kicks
down a door, throws a barrage of knives through the necks of about twenty
minion vampires, more enter to fill the gap.] |
| Buffy: |
Well, that was pretty se[stretches out of shape, snaps back]vere? |
| Simon: |
Okay, that concerns me. [whips the heads off of a dozen zombies.] |
| Buffy: |
[Roundhouses the Son Of Dracula, sending him backwards over the
railing onto a spike.] Naw, I'll be fine, you know how us outworlders
can be. [Kicks out a trapdoor, jumps over the Grave Hand, dropkicks
a couple of swamp creatures. |
| Simon: |
That's why I'm worried. [Breaks open a fire jug, clearing
the area, then rushes forward to the end of the hall with Buffy in tow.] |
| Buffy: |
Yeah, I think I see your logic. [Flips through the window,
down the roof and into the graveyard.] |
| Simon: |
Maybe you should [flamewhips a stone monster from FFII] go back... |
| Buffy: |
Funny Simon. Really funny. [lobs a vial of Holy Water
at a Fire Daemon, roll-throws her stake into a Master Vampire's crotch.] |
| Simon: |
You [flamewhips the wounded Vampire's head off] still need to work
on your [side-kicks a skeleton] aim! [whips Dracula's coffin open.] |
| Buffy: |
[Throws a skeleton over her shoulder, only to get pinned by two
more ghouls. She bashes their skulls together, only to get swarmed
by 80 more.] A little hel...[one of the ghouls holds her mouth closed.] |
| Simon: |
NO! [Starts pulling the Ghouls off of her, unaware of Count
Dracula silently rising behind him. Dracula quietly sneaks up behind
and breaks Simon's arm, sucking out his lifeblood while Buffy futilely
tries to kick the Ghouls off.] Aw....b-b-bard...[dies] |
| Buffy: |
[Statics, staticing the Ghouls which turn to dust] NOOOO!
[Roundhouses Dracula half a dozen times, stakes him] You spoony bard!
Die! |
| Dracula: |
Vla ha ha ha ha! Just like all dhe rest. Jou don't
know vhat jour doink, do jou? |
| Buffy: |
Don't I? [Turns for a roundhouse, lets it go past, swings
out with both feet on the second pass, sending Dracula out, over the gate,
past Castlevania, and into the veldt in FinalFantasy III, where the sun
never sets. Dracula is instantly turned to dust, his bones scatered
by the wandering tribes of monsters. Buffy watches with mild satisfaction,
then starts staticing again, this time so severely she disappears, leaving
only scortched earth to mark her passing. A nearby crow sees this,
then flies off to the Super Palace of Power.] |
| Warlord S: |
M'lord, it is good to see you in all three dimensions again.
You have no idea how maddening it is to deal with these sprites... |
| Mario: |
[icily, but still smiling] Hold your tongue. I spent
most of my life as a sprite, and for the first part I only had 4 cels.
Now! How goes the plan? |
| Warlord S: |
Excellently, m'lord. Cammy is decommisioned, just as you
predicted, and I hold the throne. Simon was killed, and the two you
were worried about, MMX and Samus? They disappeared. Captain
N showed up a while back to try and foil our plans... |
| Mario: |
[Still smiling] You fool! they haven't just disappeared,
they've caught on! They're probably hunting down the portal even
as we speak! *sigh* very well, what of GannonDorf? |
| Warlord S: |
He was killed by Cyan, one of the realm's knights. Would
you have me see to MMX and Samus? |
| Mario: |
No, no, it's much more important you not alert the general public.
For the time being, continue to hold down the fort. If anybody tries
to make it public, execute them. Understood? |
| Warlord S: |
All too well. What shall I do about the princess' AI? |
| Mario: |
I've got Wedge and Vicks watching it in Mother Brain's old digs.
it's intact, for now, so if this Captain N gives you any more problems.... |
| Warlord S: |
Bait and crush. M'lord, you are truly inspired. |
| Mario: |
Enough! Continue along your present course. If I have
need of you, one of your "enemies" will contact you. Mario out.
[The viewscreen flickers and goes blank. Warlord S. stands, looks
about and leaves, unaware of the kid from Robotech silently peering out
through a gap in the monolith.... |
![[Image unknown]](static.gif)