To My Dear Wife....
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have
succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The
following is a list of why I did not succeed more often :
54 times the sheets were clean
49 times you were too tired
22 times you had a headache
20 times it was too hot
19 times you had to get up early
17 times it was too late
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
15 times you pretended to be asleep
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
09 times you said weren't in the mood
09 times you said your mother would hear us
07 times you were sunburned
06 times you were watching the late show
05 times you didn't want to muss your new hair-do
03 times you said the neighbors would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6
times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the
ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I
had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had
hurt you because I felt you move.
�
To My Dear Husband...
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't
get more than you did :
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc.on TV
38 times you worked too late
36 times you did not come home at all
33 times you came too soon
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
21 times you didn't cum
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
19 times you went soft before you got in
10 times you got cramps in your toes
06 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
05 times you came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat
04 times you got it stuck in your zipper
03 times you had a cold and your nose was running
02 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
02 times you had a splinter in your finger
Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you
missed and were fucking the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the
ceiling, what I said was ,"would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The
time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
a special thanks to tassie for this joke :)
