Caption Comments: Perfect early example of Jazzsoda's "Out-of-Nowhere"™ wit (Patent Pending).
Capper Comments: Jazzsoda was the one capper you could always to rely on to stun. On occasion other captioneers have ventured out into left field, but Jazzsoda usually played that position from the top row of the bleachers. The man is wacked out of his tiny, little mind! Whenever Jazzsoda was in CT! you always had to expect the unexpected, and even then that never helped. A leader in the art of abstract captioning.
Jazzsoda:
Carleton has amazing difficulty with the word "Pumpernickel" and ends up blowing a rib, sending his creamy android innards streaming out.
Caption Comments: *PUKE* Oh man, so gross it's funny.
Capper Comments: Jazzsoda, one of our fave Cappin' MIA's. I've only gotten to cap with Jazz twice in the almost two years that I've been on CT, but I'll never forget them. The whole room seemed 'Jazzed'. What a couple of funny Cap sessions. Hope Jazz finds his way to some solid 'net access soon so he can rejoin us on a regular basis.
Jazzsoda:
*vomit* *thump* "Jazz! That's not a bikini, man!" "Wuh? Oh, whew. What a relief!" "She's naked except for a smear of peanut butter!" *projectile vomit* *dies*
Caption Comments: Truth in advertising..
Honesty...
Capper Comments: Another of the original 3 from my earliest memories
of CT.
Jazz falls somewhere between the obscure humor of GuloGulo and the
blatently obvious true meaning of Hippie's.
Those 3 killed me all night, every night in the early days of CT.
Together with Hippie, he led me to GeoCities and taught me to pirate
GuloGulo's tables.
Thanks Jazz
Jazzsoda:
The yellow psychic zone is for loading & unloading bullshit only...
Caption Comments: One of a million I could've picked. Actually, I looked for another one for what could only be termed excessive amounts, and gave in at this one since it made me crack up instantly. I'm only surprised Jazz beat the infomercial guys to the idea of selling your nose back to you. I think he's aiming for the same crowd the infomercial guys are with that idea.
Capper Comments: He is Jazzsoda. Jazz is maybe the funniest Captioneer there is, as his gallery will testify (kid). If Captioneers could be designated as parts of the body of Caption This!, Jazz would be its soul. Nobody knows where the hell he is either. Jazz has been one of the magnets that draw me back to the CT! since day one, and even with him gone, I'm still there because I can't figure out how he got out. Must've collapsed his skeleton or something. Anyway, he's Jazz. That's all I need to say.
Jazzsoda:
"Having trouble smelling lately? Maybe that's because.... I've got your nose! Haha! Get that credit card ready if you want it back! Got yer nose!"
Caption Comments: Every one of Jazz's captions is a gem, an honest to god gem! And like gems, they tend to be brilliant and multi-faceted. This one may seem gaudy like a cubic zirconium, but trust me, it's another of Jazz's many diamonds.
Capper Comments: What can I say that hasn't allready be said about Jazz? Even MIA his kung-fu is still the best, take that Chuck Norris!
Jazzsoda:
"Hey, what the- Gladys, how did my 'Boob Inspector' hat get in the fireplace?? That's a collector's item!"
Caption Comments: It just doesn't get any better than this...
Capper Comments: Jazz has been one of my favorites since day one. Sure, it was 4 billion years ago when the earth cooled and this squishy crap was all over the place, but damn, the fun times making fun of the squishy crap eh?
Remember all the drunk protozoa? HA!
Oooo, and that time with the horny T-Rex?! Classic! The look on his face was priceless! Still got the vine you used too! HA!
I'm still trying to get my head together from the late night we had with those cavewomen... how many tequila shooters did we have anyways? I'm stumped.
Hey, remember that woman...what was her name...Mary...the one with the kid and all the gifts? She was really into 'you' my friend, hot diggity!
Speaking of loves lost...remember mine? Hmmph! Ended up marrying that King instead. Feh! Bitter? Nah, she deserved the beheading! Women *sigh*
But after all the times, I'd have to say smoking a bowl with you at the Dead show was the best of all. Was it me or did Garcia point to us and whisper 'aggy aggy momaggy' while flashing his breasts? That was great!
Unfortunately, I don't see much of Jazz anymore. Much like the Black Plague days... *shivers* scary stuff there. But we managed to knock down that sumnabitch eh?
Let's see what this new millenia has in store for us. Hopefully even more fun than all the previous ones we strutted through with mighty gaits and wide smirks. I'm hoping for a return to the toga look, very comfortable and easy to whisk off in a pinch...
Jazzsoda:
"A-huh-huh. It says 'bowel'." "Actually, that says 'Disembowel', I'm guessing you've met Carleton Sheets." "You mean Uncle Whitey? Yeah, he's keen."
Caption Comments: Always a personal favorite of mine, and quite possibly the world's perfect caption. If I had to pick one caption to represent all of Caption This, it would be this one.
Capper Comments: I've been a huge fan of the Jazzerciser since the first day I capped with him. I said that Hippie was one of the funniest people alive in my comments about him. Jazz is the other. Okay, fine, there are a few more, sure, but it sounds more impressive the way I phrased it. What? Okay, fine, [insert your name here] is the third funniest. Happy? Better be. Last time I cotton to you, you bastard.
If there were a Mount Rushmore devoted to CT, or more accurately, a small rock in someone's front lawn carved to resemble Mount Rushmore, Jazz and Hip and [insert your name here] would be three of the likenesses represented. There wouldn't be a fourth, because the rock is too small. We tried to make the old lady who lives there get a bigger one, but she said it was unsightly and attracted all kinds of riffraff as it is, so what are ya gonna do.
Jazz is the premiere surrealist of the gang. Almost all of his caps have some kind of warped, hallucinatory quality. It's like being on a yellow submarine (or maybe more like being in Monkees' "Head", which I find preferable) every time he's on. And when he's on, he's on. If Jazz ever goes on autopilot, it's impossible to discern, since his autopilot still flies the plane upside down into the fucking moon.
Jazz got soul.
Jazzsoda:
Listen, you little punk! "MYSTERIES OF THE FREAKIN UNKNOWN"!! You send me one more book on dishwasher repair and I'll wring your neck personally!
Capper Comments: Jazz is what every capper should aspire to be. He's quick, he's consistent, and he's ALWAYS on point. He has a real knack for noticing that ONE off-kilter thing about the screengrab that no one else sees, and exploiting it. I bow in his presence.
Capper Comments: Glad to see Jazz is back (sometimes). Other than having one of my favorite CT handles, he's an offbeat capper, and needless to say, damned funny.