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Why is a Failed marriage like a hurricane ?
There is a lot of blowing at the start,then you loose your house !!!!
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There was a car that was carrying three guys in it. The car was going 55mph in a
25mph zone. A cop pulls them over and says, if all of your guys dicks measure up
to 16 inches all together i will not give you a ticket. So the first guy whips it out and
the cop measures it and it came out to be 9 inches the second guy whips it out and
his is 6 inches . The third guy whips it out and it was only one inch but the one inch
saved their asses. As they were driving away the first gut said,"whew I am glad
mine is 9 inches." The second guys says,"whew I am glad mine is 6 inches." The
third guy said "Whew I am glad I had a boner"
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One day Jim was walking through town and accidently bumped into a nun. The nun
said," Hello, my name is Ellen. Tomorrow I am going to be entering the convent,
and I was hoping that you could show me the pleasures of sex. But first you must
promise me that you are not married, and you can only enter through the ass." Jim
agreed to this, and went with Ellen to a near by hotel. After they had sex Jim said,"
I have a confession to make; I am married, and have two kids." Then Ellen said,"
That's alright, I too have a confession. I am not a nun, and my name is Dan.
______________________

An ugly, but well dressed guy walks into a bar and sits down on a stool next to a
beautiful woman. After a couple of minutes pass he turns to her and asks, "Would
you be willing to go to bed with me for a million dollars"? She hesitates for a few
seconds and then says, "Yes for a million dollars, I sure would." The man than
asks, "Would you go to bed with me for a quarter"? The woman gets angry and
says, "just what do you think I am"? "Well," the man says, "we have established
that. All we are doing now is haggling over price."
_________________

Punk rocker with long purple, green, and blue spiked hair walks into bar. Sits down,
orders a beer and immediately feels the intense stare of a tipsy old guy at the end of
the bar....Punk goes about his business all the while aware of the intent stare, until
   finally the tension builds and he turns to the old guy and says loudly... "What!
Didn't you ever do anything impulsive and crazy when you were young?" The old
guy hesitates a minute before replying...."Well yes..as a matter of fact I screwed a
            peacock once...and I was wondering if you were my son"
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A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor.
    The counselor asks the wife what is the problem. She responds " My
husband suffers from premature ejaculation." The couselor turns to
her husband and inquires "Is that true?" The husband replies " Well
    not exactly, it's she that suffers not me."
_________________________________________
An elderly couple met for a romp in the broom closet at the nursing
    home.They undressed and were about to screw,The woman decided
    to warn the man of her heart condition."I should tell you,I have acute
   angina."she said. The man replied,"thats good because you have the
    ugliest breasts I ever seen!"
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A man got on an elevator on the 10th floor, (he was heading to the
        lobby) on the 8th floor a beautiful woman walked in.(they were alone)
on the way to the lobby the gorgeous woman hit the stop button.
She turned to the man and said "can you make me feel like a true
woman?" the man said "i sure can" and excitedly took off all his
         clothes, he then threw them in thecorner of the elevator. he turned to
the woman pointed to the clothes and said "now fold them"

_________________________________                                                   Two Canadians are sitting in a bar, and getting bored. They decide to
                                                                  play 20 questions. The first Canadian tries to think of a word and
                                                                   after a little pondering come up with the word---moosecock. The
                                                              second Canadian tries his first question, "Is it something good to eat?"
                                                              The first guy thinks a moment then laughs and replys "Sure, I suppose
                                                                you could eat it." The second Canadian says, "Is it a moosecock?" ______________________________ Top 10 Signs You're Obsessed With
TITANIC
1. You write threatening letters to Kate Winslet for not letting Leo onto the piece of
wood.
2. You scream at your mother, "I won't marry Cal! I won't!"
3. You fight with infatuated middleschoolers over who gets Leo. "No, honey......he's
mine! He's my age!"
4. You and the ticket guy for Titanic are on a first-name basis.
5. You take cold showers just to feel how cold the water must have been.
6. You dig through theater Dumpsters to see if there is a Titanic poster.
7, You see an ad for Dawson's Creek and think it's about Jack Dawson.
8. You stop putting ice in your drink because it brings back too many bad memories.
9. You get two fish, name them Jack and Rose and put a sunken ship at the bottom of
the aquarium just to look at it and cry.
10. You know how many times Rose said "Jack" in the movie (76!).
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There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due,
she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and
unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only
person around to name her children was her brother.
When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her
brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very
bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid.
When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.
He said, "The first one was a girl."
The mother: "What did you name her?!?"
Brother: "Denise!"
The Mom: "Oh, wow, that's not bad! What about the second one?"
Brother: "The second one was a boy."
The Mom: "Oh, and what did you name him??"
Brother: "Denephew."
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