Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.
Acura Legend - I’m too bland for German cars.
Acura NSX - I am impotent.
Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.
Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states.
Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp.
Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating up people.
Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people’s reactions when I tell them
I have a ‘Vette.
Chevrolet Corvette - I’m in a mid-life crisis.
Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.
Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.
Dodge Dart -I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.
Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.
Ford Escort - I’m a red-headed nanny.
Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart).
Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones.
Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55 miles per hour
& change lanes when I pull up behind them.
Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.
Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.
Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than
no convertible at all.
Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.
Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Isuzu Impulse -I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.
Jaguar XJ6 -I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop280
days per year.
Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.
Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler.
MGB - I am dating a mechanic.
Mitsubishi Diamante - I don’t know what it means either.
Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car.
Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA’s Ten Most Wanted List.
Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.
Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock.
Porsche 944 - I am dating big-haired women that otherwise would be
inaccessible to me.
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too
liberal.
Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic).
Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more.
Volkswagen Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
Volkswagen Microbus - I am tripping right now.
Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife.