AQUADEXTROUS adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet
on and off with your toes.

 BACKSPACKLE n. The marks one get on his back when riding through a
puddle on a fenderless bicycle.

 BERBULATION n. The obsessive act of opening and closing a
refrigerator door in an attempt to catch it before the light comes on.

 BLITHWAPPING v. Using anything BUT a hammer to hammer a nail into
the wall, such as shoes, lamp bases, doorstops, etc.

 BRATTLED adj. The unsettling feeling, at a stoplight, that the
busload of kids that just pulled up beside you is making fun of you.

 CHOCLONIVEROUS (choc lo niv' r us) The habit of biting off the head
of a solid-chocolate Santa Claus first.

 CIGADENT n. Any accident involving a cigarette: for instance when
it sticks to your lips while your fingers slide off and get burned.

 CINEMUCK n. The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate
which covers the floors of movie theaters.

 CLUMFERT n. The invisible extra step at the top and bottom of a
stair-case. Usually materializes when one is carrying a large bag of
groceries.

 EASTROTURF n.  The plastic "grass" used to line easter baskets

 ELBONICS n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one arm rest
in a movie theater.

 ELECELLERATION n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an
elevator button the faster it will arrive.

 EXPRESSHOLES n. People who try to sneak more than the "8 items or
less" into the express checkout line.

 FENDERBERG n. The large glacial deposits that form on the insides
of car fenders during snowstorms.

 FLANNISTER n. The plastic yoke that holds a six-pack of beer
together.

 FUNCH v. The act of turning a pillow over and over trying to find
the cool spot.

 FURBLING v. Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport
or bank even when you are the only person in line.

 GENDERPLEX n. The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is
unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g. turtles &
tortoises).

 GLANTICS n. Two people, who, while making out, open their eyes at
the same time to see if the other is looking.

 GLEEMITES n. Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.

 GURMLISH n. The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich
which prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof of
one's mouth.

 HOZONE n. The place where one sock in every laundry load disappears
to.

 HYDRALATION n. Acclimating oneself to a cold swimming pool by
bodily regions: toe-to-knee, knee-to-waist, waist-to-elbow, elbow-to-neck.

 IDIOT BOX n. The part of the envelope that tells a person where to
place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out from themselves.

 IGNISECOND n. The over-lapping moment of time when the hand is
locking the car door even as the brain is saying "My keys are in there!"

 KROGT n. (chemical symbol: Kr) The metallic silver coating found on
fast-food game cards.

 LACTOMANGULATION n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk
carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.

 MAGNOCARTIC n. Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts
shopping carts.

 MCMONIA n. (chemical symbol Mc) Noxious gas created by fast-food
employee mopping under your table while you're eating.

 MITTSQUINTER n. A ballplayer who looks into his glove after missing
the ball, as if, somehow, the cause of the error lies there.

 MUSTGO n. Any item of food that has been sitting in the
refrigerator so long it has become a science project.

 NARCOLEPULACY (nar ko lep' ul ah see) n. The contagious act of
yawning which causes everyone in sight to also yawn.

 NERKLE n. One who leaves his Christmas lights up all year.

 PEDIDDEL n. A car with only one working headlight.

 PETRIBAR n. Any sun-bleached prehistoric candy that has been
sitting in the window of a vending machine too long.

 PHONESIA n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting
whom you were calling just as they answer.

 PHOTOYOKEL n. A person who presses the wrong button on a film
camera, causing it to dismantle.

 PHOSFLINK v. To flick a bulb on and off when it burns out, as if
somehow that will bring it back to life.

 PIYAN (pi' an) n. (acronym: "Plus If You Act Now.") Any item thrown
in on a late night television ad.

 PREMBLEMEMBLEMATION (prim blum em blum ay' shun) n. Whenever you
drop a letter in the mailbox, you always re-check to make sure it's gone down.

 PSYCHOPHOBIA n. The compulsion, when using a host's bathroom to
peer behind the shower curtain and make sure no one is waiting for you.

 PURPITATION v. To take something off the grocery shelf, decide you
don't want it, and then put it in another section.

 ROVALERT n. The system whereby one dog can quickly establish an
entire neighborhood network of barking.

 SCRIBELINE n. The blank area on the back of credit cards where
one's signature goes.

 SHUGGLEFTULATION (shuf lef tuyl ay' shun) n. The actions of two
people approaching, trying to get around each other and muttering "thanks for
the dance."

 SLOTGREED n. The habit of checking every coin return one passes
for change.

 SLURM n. The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar
when it stands in the dish too long.

 SNACKTREK n. The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack,
of constantly returning to a refrigerator in hopes that something new
will have materialized.

 SNOWPHOBIA n.  The fear of being a flake.

 SPAGMUMP n. Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany
mail-order items.

 SPIROBITS n. The frayed bits of left-behind paper in a spiral
notebook.

 SPIRTLE n. The spray from a grapefruit that always lands in your
eye.

 SQUATCHO n. The button at the top of a baseball cap.

 STROODLE n. The annoying strand of cheese stretching from a slice
of hot pizza to one's mouth.

 STURP v. To pin down a runaway piece of paper or currency with
one's foot before the wind blows it away.

 TABLE SNORKELING n.  The act of sucking in air when you've eaten
food that's too hot.

 TELEPRESSION n. The deep-seated guilt which stems from knowing that
you did not try hard enough to "look up the number on your own" and instead
put the burden on the directory assistant.

 TESTLICE n. The bugs that invade one's hair while he is trying to
take an exam.

 THERMALOPHOBIA n. The fear when showering that someone will sneak
in, flush the toilet, and scald you to death.

 YINKEL n. A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no
one will notice.

 ZIZZEBOTS n. The marks on the bridge of one's nose visible when
glasses are removed.

 YORANGE (yawr' anj) n. Those disgusting white threads that hand
from an orange after it has been peeled
 
 
 

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