Slip
The metal cools my burning flesh,
In the deathly grip of hallacination,
I laugh at the world.
I bring the gentleness of metal to my lips,
Kiss it softly,
Run my tongue over the blade.
I lower it to my wrists deliberately,
Sighing as the last hallucination dissapates,
I press it to my skin to cool the inner fires.
I slide it across my tenderness,
Smiling easily as the metal enters me,
Tingling below my flesh.
I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation,
Pressing the blade in further,
My heart pounds in my head.
My tenderness begins to warp,
Pillars of burning fire caress me,
Turning it to hate and grim satisfaction.
I remove the blade from my wrist and lower it still,
Setting it on my stomach as I lay on my back,
I giggle with pleasure as my blood drips on the floor.
I laugh too loud and hurt my ears,
So I raise my hands to them,
And my blood drips on my face.
Bloody tears is what they are,
The only truth about me is those,
Those scarlet drops of pleasure.
I pick the razor up and begin to slice,
Pressing it into the hot flesh of my belly,
Making scarlet ribbons over myself.
I set the razor down and look at it,
The blood drips on my hands and belly,
Seemingly everywhere but where I want.
I sit up and grasp the razor in my fist,
Lower it to my ankles and pull upwards,
Slicing from ankle to thigh easily.
This is the now I say quietly to myself,
No chance to stop since I've started,
Not since my beginning have I been happier.
I slice my other leg effortlessly,
Treating it as I treated the other,
Loving the feel of metal below my flesh.
I lay back down on the floor,
Closing my eyes and waiting,
Waiting for that easy, gentle last breath.
The razor falls from my grasp,
Making no sound as it lands,
With my hand following after.
I breathe deeply the scent of blood,
And try to raise my fingers to my lips,
Wanting a final taste.
My arms will not lift from my sides,
Feeling leaden as they are,
I strive to lift them again.
Failure grins at me once more,
So I give up the effort,
Just like everything else.
I try to open my eyes to see,
To raise my eyelashes a final time,
To glimpse the scarlet ribbons on my body.
I cannot do even this simple act,
So I give up and just think,
While the darkness in my mind darkens.
I draw a last picture in my mind,
Finishing as I teeter on the brink of collapse,
Then dive down as an eagle after a mouse.
My heart burns as if it were a candle,
Making a final burst of flame,
As it burns itself out.
Yes, I decide silently as darkness pulls its shroud over me,
My heart was a candle that burnt itself out,
Never to be lit again.
Something flutters in my breast,
Then settles gently into the proper place,
Letting my soul rest in peace and harmony
Evermore.
-Marja
