Growing older is mandatory -- growing up is, OPTIONAL!

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So ... this horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Knock, knock jokes WANTED!!!

Get ready to groan we have ....

Q: Why are elephants grey?
A: So you can tell them apart from blueberries.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants?
A. Here come the elephants.

Q. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming?
A. Here come the blueberries. (She was color-blind.)

Q. Why do elephants wear sneakers?
A. To creep up on mice.

Q. Why do elephants wear green sneakers?
A. To hide in tall grass.

Q. Why do elephants wear red sneakers?
A. Because their green ones are in the laundry.

Q. Why ducks have webbed feet?
A. For stamping out forest fires.

Q. Why elephants have large round feet?
A. For stamping out flaming ducks.

Q. Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A. So he could hide in the cherry tree.

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A. It's time to get a new fence. 

Q. How can you tell if there's an elephant in your refrigerator?
A. A set of footprints in the butter.

Q: Why do all the marching elephants suddenly raise their right leg?
A: Just for kicks!!

Q: Why do elephant wear gloves?
A: So their hands don't get dirty when they crush ants!!

Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
A: Nothing; it just let out a little wine.

Q: Why is an elephant grey, wrinkled and huge??
A: Because if he was white, smooth, and small, he would be an aspirin!!

Q: How would stop an elephant from passing through the eye of a needle?
A: Just tie a knot on its tail!!

Q: What was the elephant doing on the expressway?
A: About 3 mph.

Q: How do elephants get out of trees?
A: Sit on a leaf and wait until autumn.

Q: How do you tell if there's an elephant under your bed?
A: Your nose touches the ceiling.

Q: What do elephants use for slippers?
A: Sheep!

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.

Q: Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: No? See, it works!!!

Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons tons of bananas, ...

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

So ... this mushroom walks into a restaurant and the waiter yells, "Get out of here. We don't serve mushrooms!" And the mushroom gets all sad, puckers up and says, "But why not? I'm a fungi."

So ... this ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out of here - we don't serve food."

That's all for now.  Come back again, we're ...

This site last updated on:  11/21/98

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