Bob was once walking down the street, when Mary came up to him and gave him a lemon, Bob was angry at this because he wanted a clothes peg

"You black little whore," shouted Bob in the middle of the high street

"Give me a fucking peg or I’ll get Rolf Harris and shag him until his false teeth fall out and they have to have a benefit concert and a leaflet campaign – bollocks, the bumper stickers aren’t ready till Friday"

Mary replied "Bob you are one weird little twisted freak".

But she dare’nt let history repeat itself and get stuck in the hair dryer again so she set off on an adventure to the closet in search of Narnia. Sally walked into the closet and was mysteriously whisked away in to some angel delight where Mr Carrot was whisking his angel delight and she was never seen again, not to give the impression that Mr Carrot is evil, he just likes whisking angel delight and gets carried away by it that he doesn’t always pay attention to all the things that go on around him. Meanwhile on the kitchen floor Spike the flea was watching ‘Take the high road’ when he got the idea to open up his own coco pops instead of getting Mr Carrot to do it, who was always busy whisking angel delight. So off set Spike the brave little flea who had just recovered from frostbite when Mr Carrot saw him on the worktops

"What are you doing you little bastard?" said Mr Carrot

"I’m going to open a box of coco pops on my own you tight fisted bastard," said Spike

"Ho ho ho" laughed Mr Carrot "You’re in the wrong cupboard"

"Oh tar," said Spike and set off trying to open the coco pops with his brave little hands.

Mary was on the look out for a clothes peg when she slipped over a turtle in Africa and died of massive bottom faliure, diagnosed as having a front bottom.

Well that’s the story apart from the bit I saved until the end.