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Simon and his magical Elf
One day Simon was watching his dancing Elf, Cheeseblock, dancing his funky dance beat to the sound of Marvin Gays summer hit "I heard it through the grapevine" when Simon had the urge to shove a shovel up Cheeseblocks arse and proceeded to do so unaware that this would unleash a cosmic chain of events including the ultimate power of Gary Potts mother unleashing her vicious four pronged attack on the people of Papa New Guinea. The people of Papa New Guinea did not have the firepower to stop the relentless wave after wave of multi-pronged attacks on the peace loving people. Simon thought that this would be a fun childish jape to play on CheeseBlock who knew only to well the scientific effect this would have on the peace loving people of Papa New Guinea, who were at the time indulging in their favourite past time, drinking Um-Bongo straight out of the carton with no straw. CheeseBlock averted the extinction of the peace loving people of Papa New Guinea but took the shovel in the groin where Simon pushed it right up his cock snot tube and with immediate effect took a terrible toll on CheeseBlock who started transforming into Optimus-Prime leader of the autobots. When he had completed his transformation his front bottom detached its self and transformed into Roller who drove into Optimus Primes trailer. Simon realised what he had done and jumped in Optimus Primes cab and drove off to ram raid The Lakes Side Centre low road Cockermouth with immediate effect by running over a small child who was waiting for his pram to be blown up by the Bristol mountain rescue team. But Simon did not count on employee of the month Rev Jonathon Collister working there, he grasped firmly the handle of his blue trolley and proceeded to play a game of chicken with Roller who had came out of the trailer. Roller had the advantage of being computer controlled and by having six wheels, but what both Roller and the Rev Jonathon Collister failed to spot was the last minute intervention of Anita Potts who was shopping for a new washing machine after her old one disappeared up her arse (‘see Lee’s story’). Optimus prime was distraught at the prospect of losing Roller so called him off and prepared to transform into the robot leader of the Autobots. "Autobots transform" boomed the loud voice of Optimus Prime, at this moment all the cars in the parking lot and the garage opposite transformed into autobots as they prepared to do battle against Anita and her special band of All-Bran crazed cronies who had also been buying household items. The Autobots put up a brave fight but they were fighting a losing battle and were almost finished when Pugwall, Marianne, Jenny, Herohead and the rest of the gang showed up to buy lamp shades in the shape of dead presidents of Japan when they saw the fight and joined in on the side of the autobots who took out most of Anita’s All-Bran crazed cronies but the leader Anita got away. "I guarantee we will might again Optimus Prime and I won’t forget you Pugwall and that summer we spent in Taiwan making sweet love to decomposing bodies we dug up in the pet graveyard". Just then Optimus prime opened up his trailer and out came CheeseBlock complete with front bottom intact, "but how" said Simon curious to know what had happened. "Simple Simon" said CheeseBlock "I just hid when Optimus Prime came because day’s earlier he had told me to look out for any strange helicopters bearing the mark of Anita Potts." "Ho ho I was a cheeky chopper to run off with a strange talking truck" said Simon "You sure were Billy you sure were" said CheeseBlock "But my name’s Simon" said Simon. The newfound team went off into the sunset waiting for another of Anita Potts infamous four pronged attacks. "Simon" said CheeseBlock "I think I’ve shit in your kegs sorry" "Why you dirty little bastard come here while I tan the back of your shit covered ass" said Simon.
Shibby.
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