parenthood

THE ART OF PARENTING

A WORLD OF ADVENTURE

Wow, have you noticed how big everything is, and it all just screams at me, HERE I AM COME AND EXPLORE, it really does, but ya know i have this thing built in me that says, EXPLORE BUT BE CAREFUL, and i have to explore these things because if i don't, (I'LL DIE, okay i won't but it feels like i will) i will never no what they are. and if your a big person i need you to watch over me and keep me safe if i need it. I don't need you to freak out and make me scared or to tell me how dangerous everything is and keep me on a leash like a dog. See this world that i see, it is big and it is scary and i don't need you to constantly tell me it is, what i do need is someone that can help me learn and protect me, but also let me explore, theirs an old saying that my dad use to say " kids are to be seen and not heard". what a LIE kids should be seen, heard, and everything else kids do cause if were not why don't you just trade us for a lawn ornament and then you can display it any time you want and i will be seen and not heard and you can be proud of that. If you can't handle it then maybe you need to evaluate you ability to be a parent .Cause if you can't do the job then get some one who can or learn how!!!! We are not status symbols of your fertility, WE ARE CHILDREN, WE ARE PEOPLE, WE HAVE FEELINGS, AND WE HAVE LIFE. When fear is used to control us you destroy the fabric that is our spirit. FEAR, think of it this way each time a parent uses fear to guide a child, whether it's for the purpose of safety or behavior correction or punishment, a fear seed is planted, this seed grows and fosters, if you get enough of these seeds growing they start to choke out other seedlings these seeds mutate into things like doubt, then it attacks self confidence and self love and causes the child to not trust it's own judgments about the environment around and it impairs decision making processes. this causes the child to not feel good about himself and then feelings of emptyness, and desperation close in, And the CYCLE
BEGINS AGAIN. Does any of this feel familiar??
Here's an example of what i mean:

FEAR REACTION
OH MY GOD, don't you dare go near the edge of that you'll fall and brake your neck, you don't want that do you, get a way from there before you will fall.
TEACHING REACTION
Honey or (whatever you wish, something nice tho), please watch when you get close to the edge, come here, see down there it is very far, remember when you fell off the chair and you bumped your head, well if you fell off this it would hurt way more , you might even brake a leg or something, so be very careful around here okay. and then always always give the child a hug and tell them you love them. This is a very important part of the event this anchors to the child that you care about them that they are important and that it's also good to tell them, at this time that they are very smart. J

FEAR REACTION
WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, How many times do you have to be told not to do that, next time you do that i'm going to slap your ass, YOU LITTLE SHIT.
TEACHING REACTION
HEY SWEETY, whatch ya doing, oh your hungry well look it's just about supper time and if you eat that now you won't eat your supper so either wait till supper or if your really hungry you can have a carrot stick.

FEAR REACTION
COME HERE YOU, THAT'S IT !! When we get you home , you going to get what's coming to you. ( by the way at this point the child tunes you out and all we here's from this point on is blah blah blah blah blah)
TEACHING REACTION
HEY COME HERE PUFF BALL. (MUST SMILE) What are you doing that fore? (now to be able to know what to do after this point you need to shut up and listen) After they tell you an answer, think of the best way to correct the situation. i.e. "I'm bored", - help the child find other options to occupy it's time. Or if the reaction is "I don't know" then explain the situation (again if necessary) and what the real cociquences of the actions and explain how they could handle the situation better. Eventually the behavior will stop if for no other reason as the child just won't want to listen to another long winded explanation.
As well just for those who don't know, if children are having a temper tantrum their is probably some reason other than the one you think. Generally, their will be a miss communication happening somewhere along the line, and the last thing that will help the situation is you having a temper tantrum to.
In case of temper tantrum here's what you do:

Stop everything going on .

Calm child down, GENTLY, Saying things like "SHUT THE FUCK UP" won't help here.

Ask the child to explain what it's thinks is wrong. It's may be necessary to dig a little here because what their mad at and what caused the act could be different things. (i.e.. they may be mad about being told to be quiet but they were being loud cause you were ignoring them.

Explain to the child that temper tantrums will not produce the results they want and will most likely cause more problems.

Listen to what the child has to say, if they say, "then listen to me when i talk to you" then it's probably a good idea to work with the child cause if the only option the child has to get your attention is tantrums, then they will probably see it lots.

Reach an agreement as to how to avoid the situation "i won't do this if you don't do that".

Shake hands with the child and give big hugs and tell him how lucky you are to have such a brilliant child.

continue on you MERRY HAPPY WAY.

If nothing calms the child down then this being last resort if you can't think of anything better, Then jump up and down and have your own tantrum and when they stop to see how silly you look go back to "tantrum step 1" and start over from there.
TWO OTHER POINTS I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE.
never, lie to them, remember they spend most time observing and they will know every time you lie to them. You can explain things like "I don't want to discuss this now". and then explain why. If you learn to communicate with your child then 95% of your problems will disappear.
Remember 90 % of communicating is listening... 8% thinking.... 2% talking..... is a good rule of thumb. this is a good balance, cause talking is so heavy, and listening so light.
parent is always wrong. If their is a problem, it's cause the leader has not performed some part of the required duties effectively enough. Period, no arguing. If the parent takes responsibility for the duties of being a parent, then they will pursue being a good parent and will not need to resort to Neanderthal parenting techniques like hitting or shaming ect, ect. If you don't like to hear this, then go stick your head in the sand, live in denial, and allow the problems to exist, you can always wipe your hands of the problem when their 18 years old. But what a pathetic way to live.