Disclaimer: None of these guys are mine. The characters belong to the AMAZING Mr. Joss Whedon, and we should all bow down and thank him.
Note: This is a sequel to Anya's "Gone". Also there is a scene that is very similar to one that is in Jia-L's fic "Gone...But Not Forgotten". I read that story and was completely amazed at the mental image the author gave of Willow in a white flowing gown picking flowers at night. Please go read this fic because it's really good! You can find it at the Slayer's Fanfic Archive or on The Place Where Forbidden Love Dwells. I was intrigued by the idea of the gang tracking Willow and Angel down. In "G...BNF", Willow is happy to see them. While I was reading that part, I thought, wouldn't it be neat if she wasn't happy to see them? Thus, this fic was born. I give all credit for the mental image and for the idea to Jai-L. ALSO: this has yet to be beta read, so please forgive the mistakes, I've tried to correct most of them. Enjoy!
Gone and Surviving
By: Nicollette Marquis McFadgen
Part 1
Angel sat alone on the black leather couch in the dimly lit room. Willow was asleep upstairs in one of the many bedrooms of the mansion they inhabited. It had been three months since Willow was turned. She has still not yet completely accepted the truth about her future. The two vampires with souls had not had any luck in locating the Rom. They had searched high and low in every country in Europe to find the people who had cursed Angel so long ago. The journey had taken its toll on Willow. The young red head may have been a vampire, but she was still susceptible to fatigue. It was then that Angel had made the decision to acquire permanent accommodations.
They had settled in Germany, a little town south of Cologne along the Rhine River. Angel spoke German fluently and Willow was a quick learner. He had picked the mansion because it would be easy to seal the sun out, and also because he thought the atmosphere would be good for Willow, who had become quite melancholy and sullen.
Willow's sadness tore Angel's heart out. He could not bear to see her that way. Angel had, in fact, fallen in love with the hybrid vampire. Although he desperately wanted to find the Rom in hopes of returning her to human, he secretly could not help being happy at the prospect of having her to love for eternity. Angel knew that Willow too had fallen in love with him, but that the hurt and heartache of her new life superceded that love.
Sitting alone in that room, surrounded by old paintings of former occupants, Angel thought about the best way to let Willow know the thing that would break her heart. The night before, he had received a letter from a man in Budapest, whom he had been corresponding with to gather information on the possible whereabouts of the Rom. In the letter the man had confirmed Angel's suspicions, the Rom had been wiped out during World War II. There was no chance of finding them. Angel and Willow's search had come to a close.
Angel jumped up when he heard a cry from upstairs. Within a minute, he was at Willow's side. She was sitting up with her knees tucked under her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs. She sat her rocking back and forth with tears streaming down her cheeks.
Sitting down next to her on the bed, Angel enveloped her with his strong arms. "Another nightmare?" She nodded her head as she continued to cry. "What was this one about?" He asked soothingly.
Willow answered in a small frightened voice, "Colin...Buffy..." She gasped as she trembled. "But Buffy wasn't Buffy, she was me, and he killed her. I don't know, I can't really remember too clearly."
"It's okay, we don't have to talk about it. I'm right here, so you don't have to be afraid." She relaxed in his embrace as her tears slowed. Several minutes of silence passed.
"Angel?"
"Yes?"
"You're keeping something from me. What is it?"
"It's nothing, we can discuss it after you get some sleep." Angel was amazed at her intuitiveness.
"No, let's discuss it now. It's not like you to keep things from me."
"Willow, I really think..."
"No, tell me, Angel."
"Well, I found out something that you're not going to like."
"About the Rom?"
"Yes. You see," Angel started, knowing that there was no easy way to say it. "The Rom, well, they don't exist anymore."
"What? How can a tribe or clan or whatever just not exist?" Willow struggled out of Angel's hold.
"Willow, calm down. You see, Hitler didn't only kill Jews. Thousands upon thousands of Gypsies were also exterminated. The Rom were herded up and send to death camps. Willow, I'm sorry."
Willow had begun to cry again. Angel pulled her body back into his embrace. "Willow, I...I love you and I want more than anything to give you what you want. We'll search the world for other sects, for other religions that may be able to help turn you back."
"No."
"What?"
"We won't find any help. I'll be like this forever."
"Do you want to go back to Sunnydale?"
Willow gave a sad little laugh and replied, "I can't go back. I'm a vampire, Angel. I'm no longer part of the Sunnydale Slayerettes."
"That's not true."
"Yes, it is. And even if it's not, I still can't go back. Xander, Buffy, Giles, I can't even think about them without crying. I can't be a part of them like before. I'd be a constant reminder to them that they've failed."
"You don't know that."
"And besides, I don't want to be around them. They'd be a constant reminder to me of how not human I am. I don't know how you did it, Angel, but I can't. I won't."
"Okay, okay, I understand. But I want you to know that I'll support you in what ever you want to do. I won't leave you." Angel placed a hand on Willow's cheek. "Willow, I love you. I want to be with you forever. I want..."
The red head struggled out of his grasp yet again. "Angel, you don't have to say that. Once I learn what I need to survive, I don't expect you to stay."
"What? Willow, I WANT to stay. Didn't you hear me? I love you."
"Yeah, I heard you. What about your undying love of Buffy? I know you didn't want to leave her. I know you only came with me out of a sense of duty. You know rather than learn to survive," she moved off the bed, "I might as well just cease to exist." While Angel's mind mulled over what was just said, Willow took off, out of the room and down the stairs. Angel realized that she was probably headed out the door and into the deadly sunlight. He bolted up and ran as fast as he could.
A month ago, he didn't have to worry about the sun's light hurting the newly turned vampire. Willow was able to move in the sunlight without being burned. But things changed. One day she had gotten up before the sun went down while Angel was still asleep. She had neared a window that was not sealed from the sun with drapes. Knowing that the sun couldn't hurt her, she continued on. As the light hit her arm, she felt a burning sensation. She jumped out of the light before it could do any more damage. Angel awoke to her horrible screams. Being a hybrid vampire, Willow's scarred flesh healed amazingly fast, just more than a week.
Just as Willow opened the door to the outside, Angel's body slammed into it, thus slamming it shut. Angel recovered and jumped at Willow, who was frantically trying to open the door again. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into the middle of the foyer.
He shook her limp, yet somehow struggling body with anger. "Why? Dammit, Willow! I won't let you do that. I love you." He forced her head up, and kept it between his hands so that she'd have to look at him. "I love you, Willow. I won't let you hurt yourself! I love you. Dammit, why won't you respond to me when I say that?"
"You don't love me. You don't love me! Who could love me?"
"I love you. I love you. I love you. Willow, I love you. I can't imagine being with out you. I don't want to imagine being with out you! I need you, Willow." Willow stilled as he confessed over and over his feelings for her.
"I...I love you too, Angel." She clutched at him and held on for all she was worth. "Can we, can we just stay here? Can we just stay in this house? I don't ever want to leave, Angel. I never want to go outside the gates. I don't want to be around anyone living. Just you. We could stay here, and you could go out and get the supplies and we'll just be here forever. Angel? I don't want to leave here. I don't want to see anyone living. I don't want to hear heartbeats, is that okay? Can we do that?"
"Shhh. We can do that. It's okay. We can do what ever you want. I'll bring you what ever you want, I promise. At sundown I'll go buy you a computer with all the trimmings," he smiled, "and we can live here together."
"Just me and you?"
Angel picked her up and began to climb the stairs. "Yes, just you and me. Now we've got four more hours until sunset, let's try to get some sleep." He looked down at the forever sixteen-year-old girl and saw that her eyes were already closed.
At sundown, Angel prepared to go out in search of bagged blood and computers. He waited until Willow had awaken and sat down next to her. "Willow, I need to go get supplies. I want to know that you'll be okay while I'm out. I don't want you to do anything stupid like try and stake yourself again."
Willow sighed deeply as she remembered holding a stake to her own chest and as she remembered trying to go out into the sunlight less than five hours ago. "Well, maybe I should just go with you then."
"I thought you didn't want to be around people."
"I don't, but I've got infinity to seclude myself. I might as well go out one last time."
Angel smiled as he bent down to kiss her cheek. "I love you." He paused to kiss her again. "Come on, get ready."
~~~~~
Two months went by with little change. Willow still refused to wholly accept her fate, although she resigned herself to it. Some small part of her still believed that one day she would magically become human again, that the past months were all some kind hallucination, that she was really just asleep in her bed back in Sunnydale. She wanted to believe that is was all some kind of Wizard of Oz thing.
Angel did not push her to accept this life. He knew that eventually she would, but in her own time. He continued to tell her everyday, at least 10 times, that he loved her and would never leave her. He made good on his promise by bringing her everything that she wanted, whether it was software for her computer, books, or new clothes. He actually cherished buying her new clothes. He loved to pick out lovely dresses for her to wear. He adored the way she squealed when she really liked an outfit that he brought her.
As the months went by, Willow let go of her sorrow little by little and delighted in Angel's company. She thought about her former home in Sunnydale, her friends, and her family only when she could not help it. It hurt too much to remember the things of her past. Still, she couldn't help but wonder how they were doing.
Seven months after Willow had been changed by the Anointed One, she and Angel began to share a bed. That first night of passion had been almost too much for Willow. She had been a virgin when Colin changed her, so she had no experience in human lovemaking. Because she was a virgin, she was completely unprepared for vampire lovemaking. Angel was gentle, stopping when the pain was too much for her, teaching her the joys of sex and bloodletting.
When they were both close to climax, innately Willow knew that they would bite each other. Any fear that she had was washed away by the intensity of the pleasure she experienced. It was her first encounter with the satisfying feeling of sinking her elongated fangs into another being's body. Because she was a hybrid of sorts, her face did not contort into visage of the demon, but her fangs came down, as they did when she fed.
~~~~~
A year had passed since Willow had changed. She and Angel had taken vows and pledged themselves to each other. It was not quite the white wedding Willow had planned as a child, but nothing turned out the way she had planned. The couple continued to live in the mansion in utter seclusion to the outside world. Angel only went out to get blood or other supplies. He never returned home without a gift of some kind for his beloved.
One night, while cleaning out an old leather duffel bag, Angel found a piece of paper with an email address on it. He remembered that Giles had given him his school account address and told him that he would try to check daily. Giles had also given Angel his phone number and regular address just in case he and Willow ever needed any help, and also so that Angel could have a way to keep him updated on the situation if he felt the need.
Angel crossed the room to the computer and pulled up his private email account. He wanted to write to Giles and let him know that they were fine, but there would be no restoration of humanity for Willow. He also hoped to get a little information about Buffy, Xander, and Willow's parents. It would be a nice surprise for Willow. He could imagine the smile on his love's face when he told her news about her friends and family.
He began to compose the letter to the librarian.
Giles,
It's been a long time. I'm sorry I didn't write before, but things got a little crazy in the early months, and I just plain forgot in the later months. I hope this finds you well.
I just wanted to write to you and assure you that all is well with us. Well, maybe not all. The Rom is no longer around. We searched all over Europe, but found nothing. Later, we found out that they were exterminated during WWII. Willow took the news rather badly at first, but she is doing quite well now. She insists on staying within the mansion's gates. She wants nothing to do with outside world. Don't worry, she's not melancholy any more, and I feel that her staying with in the gates is not a bad thing for her. This way, she does not have to deal with the feelings of longing to be human. Here, she is human, in the way that there isn't anyone to tell her differently or show her that she's wrong.
She misses Sunnydale and her friends, as do I. How is everyone? I hope that they've accepted everything. They didn't figure out what really happened did they? I long to see Buffy's face. I'd even like to see Xander and hear him call me "dead boy" once more. Are Willow's parents all right? I know that Willow often thinks about them and wonders if they are healthy and in good spirits.
In two weeks it is Willow's turning day. It will be one year since Colin turned her. I would like nothing more than to be able to tell her that Buffy has slain the Anointed One in a very painful way. Has she? I wish I could do it myself, but I fear leaving Willow alone. Please take care, or yourself as well as the others. Please try to respond as quickly as possible.
-Angel.
On Willow's turning day, Angel had not received a reply from Giles. He figured that the librarian had stopped checking his messages so often. Angel was sitting on the couch, while his wife sat at his feet, brushing her hair. "Angel? You're keeping something from me again. What is it?"
"How do you do that?"
"Easy, you get really quiet when you're trying to hide something from me, or trying to keep something a secret. Spill, now."
"Well, since you insist..." He stood up and crossed the room. "It's a special day, one that I don't want you to be sad about, so I've bought you something. Well, actually, I bought you some things." He opened a little secret compartment in the wall and took out several boxes wrapped exquisitely in silver foil paper. He recrossed the room and sat down across from Willow on the floor. He passed her a box and waited expectantly for her to open it.
Willow grinned from ear to ear, as she tore off the paper and opened the box. Inside, a long satin emerald dress lay folded. "Oh, Angel, it's beautiful!"
"There's more, open the next box." He urged.
The next box held matching shoes, and a third box contained matching emerald earrings, necklace, and bracelet. Willow squealed with glee as she began to take off the rather plain clothes she was wearing. Angel just watched as she revealed her naked flesh to him, and sighed as she covered it up again, only this time with the green satin garment. She slipped into the shoes as Angel slipped the necklace around her neck. "Do you like it, precious?"
"Oh, Angel! Everything is wonderful! I just wish I could see myself in the mirror."
Angel grabbed a remote and pushed a button. As soft romantic music began to play, he bowed to his companion and asked properly, "May I have this dance?"
Willow placed her and in his and curtseyed. "Why, yes, kind sir, I do believe that I have this particular dance free."
Angel swirled and swayed her to the music, then waltzed her outside onto the balcony where they danced for hours in the moonlight. At one point they all but stopped dancing. They just sort of stood there swaying back and forth. Angel placed his hands upon her shoulders and gently pushed the soft satin straps down. The dress fell beautifully down her body onto the ground. Angel bent his head and ran his tongue against her lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her up and carried her inside.
As they lay in their bed in a post coital lump, Willow traced circles on Angel's chest, while also running her tongue over the bite mark on his neck. "Mmm, Angel, I'm hungry. We haven't eaten."
"You're right. I'll be right back with dinner."
Angel returned with four pouches of blood and another box wrapped in the silver foil paper.
"Angel! Another present?"
"I couldn't help it." He smiled. She reached out for the box, which he then put it out of her reach. "First eat."
After they both had their fill, Willow reached again for the box. She bounced up and down with excitement. "Willow, you're acting like a six year old at Christmas!"
"I was Jewish, remember... Gimme, gimme!" He smiled and handed her the box. The paper came off within a second. "Oh, Angel, why are you so good to me?" Willow asked as she gazed down at the white cloth.
"You're my girl..."
"Okay, Forrest. Mama always said life was like a box of chocolate... Really, Angel this is lovely!" She held up the long, lace nightgown and robe. After examining them, she laid them down and leaned close to her lover for a long lingering kiss.
They slept all through the day, only waking up once to make love again. As usual, Angel was up before Willow. He always walked the halls of the house to make sure it was secure, and that it really was nightfall. It wouldn't do for Willow to wake up and walk out into the last bit of sunlight.
Willow woke and slipped the nightgown and robe over her body. She ran a hand over her neck and noticed that the bite mark that her lover had given her only several hours before was gone. She was still amazed at how quickly she healed as a vampire.
She found Angel out on the balcony picking up her discarded new dress. "Opps, I guess we forgot to clean up, huh?"
"It's okay. It didn't get hurt. You'll be able to wear it again." He looked up to notice that she was wearing the nightgown and his jaw dropped. "You look, you look, wow, Willow. You're beautiful."
"Thank you." She replied as she slipped into an embrace with her beloved. "I think I'm going to go pick flowers from the garden."
"I'll come with you then."
"No, first we'll eat, then I'd like to walk in the garden alone, if that's okay."
"Yes, but why do you want to be alone, precious?"
"It's been a year." She paused, wrinkling her brow. "I'd just like to be able to think about some stuff without actually discussing it. I mean the nightmares are gone, but I still feel scared."
"I understand," he said a little hurt.
"Angel, it's not that I don't want to talk with you about it. It's just that I'd like to try and sort though my thoughts before we do discuss them. Okay?" She raised her hand to his cheek and pulled his mouth close to hers.
"Okay." He replied as his mouth devoured hers.
After they had eaten, Willow went out into the garden while Angel watched her from the balcony. He remarked to himself how beautiful she looked in the moonlight with her flowing white gown swaying lightly with her every move. He thought about how lucky he was to have such a creature love him.
Angel was so entranced with watching the red headed girl that he failed to notice the headlights that had stopped by the gate about a mile away from the house.
End Part 1
