Cordelia: Everything has been taken away because Daddy made a little mistake on his taxes... for the last twelve years.

Cordelia: No, no, no way! I wish us into bizarro-land and you guys are still together?

Cordelia: And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone every again. Unless, they really deserve it or if it's that time of the month, in which case I don't think you or anyone else can hold me responsible...

Cordelia: Excuse me. Who gave you permission to exist?

Cordelia: Gee Xander, what are you gonna teach when you fail in life? Advanced loserbeing?

Cordelia: Great, now I'm gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.

Cordelia: Hello, Miss Not-Over-Yourself-Yet?

Cordelia: I do what I want to do. And I wear what I want to wear. And you know what, I'll date whoever the hell I want to date... no matter how lame he is.

Cordelia: Mom started borrowing my clothes. There should be an age limit on lycra pants. And dad, he just locked himself in the bathroom with old copies of Esquire.

Cordelia: What are you doing? Are you going like stalkerboy on me now?

Cordelia: Willow, nice dress. Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears.

Cordelia: Xander, what's going on? Who died and made you Elvis?

Cordelia: When did you become Martha Stewart?
Buffy: First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto.
Xander: I don't believe she slays, either.
Oz: Oh, I hear she can, but she doesn't like to.

Buffy: What are you guys talking about?
Oz: Oddly enough, your boyfriend. Again.
Buffy: He's not my boyfriend. Really and truly, he's... I don't know. Are we cool?
Xander: Yeah. Just, seeing the two of you kissing, after everything that happened... I leaned toward the postal. But I trust you.
Cordelia: I don't. Just for the record.

Willow: Maybe we shouldn't be too coupley around Buffy.
Cordelia: Oh, you mean 'cause of how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog?
Xander: Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell, or what?

Xander: The mayor is gonna kill us all during graduation.
Cordelia: Oh. Are you gonna go to fifth period?
Xander: I'm thinking I might skip it.
Cordelia: Yeah. Me too.

Cordelia: I wish that Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.
Anya: Done.
Cordelia: That would be cool. No wait, I wish Buffy Summers had never been born.
Anya: Done.
Cordelia: And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair.
Anya: Done.
Cordelia: In fact, I wish all men, except maybe the dumb and really beautiful kind, disappear off the face of the Earth. That would be so cool.

Cordelia: Okay, not funny. Hey! You! Where did you put my car?
Custodian: Pardon?
Cordelia: My auto. El convertablo

Cordelia: So does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
Xander: I'm 17. Looking at *linoleum* makes me wanna have sex.

Cordelia: I guess you should know since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time.
Giles: Yes, do bring that up as often as possible.

Buffy: Ahh, it's okay. Gave Cord and I chance to spend some quality death time.
Cordelia: And we got these free corsages.

Buffy: Do you really love Xander?
Cordelia: Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet.

Buffy: You were spying on me? What gives you the right?
Cordelia: What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?
Buffy: It was an accident.
Xander: What? You just tripped and fell on his lips?

Cordelia: I don't know. I just thought we were gonna do something, you know... classy.
Xander: What's classier than bowling?
Cordelia: Apart from everything ever?

Cordelia: You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?

Oz: It's Willow, she's nearby.
Cordelia: What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume.
Oz: She's afraid.
Cordelia: Oh my God, is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing.
Oz: I really agree.

Xander: Does anyone remember when Saturday night meant date night?
Cordelia: You sure don't.

Cordelia: I can't believe this loser look. I lobbied so hard for the teal. No one ever listens to me. Lone fashionable wolf.
Xander: I like the maroon, has more dignity.
Cordelia: Dignity? You? In relation to clothes? I'm awash in a sea of confusion.